[Is it okay, though? Lisa hears that gasp, feels the jolt between them. Understands that she can't keep doing this to Junna, this is exactly why she wasn't going to bother her earlier. She's... slowly coming down from the adrenaline high, able to find her breath (shakily) and her voice again, but she feels wrung out all over again.
Thus, she doesn't resist when Junna tugs her over to join her, or pulls her hands free. Lisa is intimately aware her girlfriend is presently much, much more put together than she is, and is more than happy to submit to her decisions right now; she doesn't trust herself to decide what to eat for dinner... which she might have missed in her depressed funk, oops. Just more proof she's a total and utter mess.
So when Junna's arms wrap around her, she freezes. She'd been busy beating herself up for everything, but... it's not just about her, is it? Junna's here now because she needs her. Whatever Lisa thinks of herself (Nobody ever has! rings in her head before she shoves it into a garbage chute, not quite fast enough to ignore it), Junna chose her, again, and she needs... needs to honor that. Needs to step up and be present. Needs to get over herself. One person believes in her. Someday, maybe she can raise that number. But right now... one is enough.
Slowly, tentatively, she brings her own arms around Junna. She's been dreaming of this for three weeks, now, returning to the comfortable place she's been missing, and she starts to relax almost immediately. She... needed this. Badly. Lisa's shaking slows and then stops, and while her breathing is still erratic, she's... better, after a moment to attune. So she can focus on the things she needs to say, instead of focusing on her own inadequate self.]
It's not okay. I'm not okay. I don't know... if I've been okay in a long time. And I hate it. [Her voice is muffled where she's snuggling into Junna's shoulder, too short to nestle into her neck and hating it in this specific moment.] But right now, I'm home. [The tips of her ears turn pink.] I missed you. I missed you so much. I couldn't stand it.
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Thus, she doesn't resist when Junna tugs her over to join her, or pulls her hands free. Lisa is intimately aware her girlfriend is presently much, much more put together than she is, and is more than happy to submit to her decisions right now; she doesn't trust herself to decide what to eat for dinner... which she might have missed in her depressed funk, oops. Just more proof she's a total and utter mess.
So when Junna's arms wrap around her, she freezes. She'd been busy beating herself up for everything, but... it's not just about her, is it? Junna's here now because she needs her. Whatever Lisa thinks of herself (Nobody ever has! rings in her head before she shoves it into a garbage chute, not quite fast enough to ignore it), Junna chose her, again, and she needs... needs to honor that. Needs to step up and be present. Needs to get over herself. One person believes in her. Someday, maybe she can raise that number. But right now... one is enough.
Slowly, tentatively, she brings her own arms around Junna. She's been dreaming of this for three weeks, now, returning to the comfortable place she's been missing, and she starts to relax almost immediately. She... needed this. Badly. Lisa's shaking slows and then stops, and while her breathing is still erratic, she's... better, after a moment to attune. So she can focus on the things she needs to say, instead of focusing on her own inadequate self.]
It's not okay. I'm not okay. I don't know... if I've been okay in a long time. And I hate it. [Her voice is muffled where she's snuggling into Junna's shoulder, too short to nestle into her neck and hating it in this specific moment.] But right now, I'm home. [The tips of her ears turn pink.] I missed you. I missed you so much. I couldn't stand it.