[Even as her pulse starts to pound in her ears, Lisa sees Junna flinch and turn away, and she feels bad for causing it. But she knows, in her heart, it's not on her. She's too deep into her story to immediately stop, but she hears Junna comment, feels anger flare at her comment just after, but... she keeps going. When she finishes, her already-complicated feelings have Junna's emotions stacked on top, and she just... needs to vent. Reaching to lean the stick against the table, she shakes her head, her voice suddenly a low growl even as tears gather.]
I would never. I'd rather die. I know you know that, but I need you to understand. I... [The anger recedes somewhat, taking a bit of the pain with it.] I lived with that for so long. The voices in my ear, telling me I wasn't worth it. I don't... I can't do that to someone else, Junna. [Lisa... lets out a long, ragged sigh.] You're the only person I've told on purpose, you know. Zeke-san found out by accident, then, and I'm not even sure he was listening. Or he was politely ignoring me. Senpai and Illya-chan have hints.
But. One, you're not at fault for that, any of it. Of course it'd suck getting through. You're too clever for your own good... and that shows in the way you protect yourself when things go wrong. That's what the whole Disturbance is, and you're going to have to get used to it. But it's not your fault. Two... you might be right about them, for better or worse. Last I heard, they were Dreamers, and they got caught up in a Nightmare. I haven't heard from them again. I'm happier that way.
[She takes a breath, and some of the cheer comes back into her expression.]
Three, I'm kind of glad I'm not the only one that gets nasty when she gets passionate about something. But I wouldn't have it any other way. And... you're kind of biased, but I appreciate it all the same. I just need to... internalize it, someday. [She shakes her head.] I feel like I've said it before, but. When you have so many voices telling you you're not good enough for so long, eventually you kinda... start to believe it yourself. It's going to take a while for me to see myself the way you do. I want to. Just... give me time, okay?
no subject
I would never. I'd rather die. I know you know that, but I need you to understand. I... [The anger recedes somewhat, taking a bit of the pain with it.] I lived with that for so long. The voices in my ear, telling me I wasn't worth it. I don't... I can't do that to someone else, Junna. [Lisa... lets out a long, ragged sigh.] You're the only person I've told on purpose, you know. Zeke-san found out by accident, then, and I'm not even sure he was listening. Or he was politely ignoring me. Senpai and Illya-chan have hints.
But. One, you're not at fault for that, any of it. Of course it'd suck getting through. You're too clever for your own good... and that shows in the way you protect yourself when things go wrong. That's what the whole Disturbance is, and you're going to have to get used to it. But it's not your fault. Two... you might be right about them, for better or worse. Last I heard, they were Dreamers, and they got caught up in a Nightmare. I haven't heard from them again. I'm happier that way.
[She takes a breath, and some of the cheer comes back into her expression.]
Three, I'm kind of glad I'm not the only one that gets nasty when she gets passionate about something. But I wouldn't have it any other way. And... you're kind of biased, but I appreciate it all the same. I just need to... internalize it, someday. [She shakes her head.] I feel like I've said it before, but. When you have so many voices telling you you're not good enough for so long, eventually you kinda... start to believe it yourself. It's going to take a while for me to see myself the way you do. I want to. Just... give me time, okay?