[Junna looks at Lisa, considering what she says: 'It consumed me.' She can't quite avoid the guilt at hearing that. The feeling is there before she can really fight it down, and it takes her a second to push that. She realizes, though, with a second's more thought that it is deeper than guilt. It's not okay, but that was Lisa's choice. She chose Junna, and that means she chose to stand by her. Even at Junna's worst, even if it would hurt Lisa herself. Junna swallows down the way she feels guilty. Lisa respects her decision; she can respect Lisa's.
And so she listens. She looks at Lisa, as she explains, and doesn't hide the way her expression changes; the slight widening of her eyes, the intake at the knives that looked so real. The sharpness to them. And the way she winces, just slightly, at the words.
But she follows Lisa's performance up with one of her own. Even years later, her Brutus is excellen; she slides into character in an instant. His worry at a plot about to be enacted, his shaking resolve at upholding the Republic, his profound but subtle sorrow at the need to kill the man who he would have called Father; it's all there. It comes to mind without trying, and her meter is perfect.]
Casca, be sudden, for we fear prevention. Popilius Lena speaks not of our purposes; For, look, he smiles, and Caesar doth not change.
[Then, she's back to herself -- and her own expression is sad. She smiles a little, but it's distant.] ...I played Cinna, when we did the play in middle school. I'd wanted to be Caesar, though. I kept practicing, over and over. And I--I think it was always a metaphor. And... and how things ended for him. Driven by ambition until he destroyed himself.
It's... I guess the Disturbance was trying to show you the way I'd push myself for perfection. And make you experience how it could feel. It's... not playing fair, is it?
[She hugs Lisa with the arm around her. Trying to be reassuring. Though she hesitates, at the mention of the movie poster.] The first movie that we saw together. It was--it was almost like our zero-eth date. That's...
[She pulls a little closer to Lisa. There's fear in her expression, now. Did that hurt Lisa? She isn't sure. It makes Junna angry, too; that's a precious memory. It's not one that she wants tainted by association. It feels wrong that the Disturbance used it -- to paper over, in a literal sense, the way down to her heart.]
I-I'm sorry. I can only imagine what it might have made you think.
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And so she listens. She looks at Lisa, as she explains, and doesn't hide the way her expression changes; the slight widening of her eyes, the intake at the knives that looked so real. The sharpness to them. And the way she winces, just slightly, at the words.
But she follows Lisa's performance up with one of her own. Even years later, her Brutus is excellen; she slides into character in an instant. His worry at a plot about to be enacted, his shaking resolve at upholding the Republic, his profound but subtle sorrow at the need to kill the man who he would have called Father; it's all there. It comes to mind without trying, and her meter is perfect.]
Casca, be sudden, for we fear prevention.
Popilius Lena speaks not of our purposes;
For, look, he smiles, and Caesar doth not change.
[Then, she's back to herself -- and her own expression is sad. She smiles a little, but it's distant.] ...I played Cinna, when we did the play in middle school. I'd wanted to be Caesar, though. I kept practicing, over and over. And I--I think it was always a metaphor. And... and how things ended for him. Driven by ambition until he destroyed himself.
It's... I guess the Disturbance was trying to show you the way I'd push myself for perfection. And make you experience how it could feel. It's... not playing fair, is it?
[She hugs Lisa with the arm around her. Trying to be reassuring. Though she hesitates, at the mention of the movie poster.] The first movie that we saw together. It was--it was almost like our zero-eth date. That's...
[She pulls a little closer to Lisa. There's fear in her expression, now. Did that hurt Lisa? She isn't sure. It makes Junna angry, too; that's a precious memory. It's not one that she wants tainted by association. It feels wrong that the Disturbance used it -- to paper over, in a literal sense, the way down to her heart.]
I-I'm sorry. I can only imagine what it might have made you think.