yumemigaoka | there's a fork in the road (open)

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illyasviel von einzbern

there's a fork in the road (open)

⭐ Who: Illya and you!
⭐ When: July 1st, before the thunderstorm kicks in!
⭐ Where: Out around Yumemigaoka
⭐ What: Illya's waffling about being an active Dreamer. Maybe help give her advice?

(1. tanabata - in the store)

[ Though the stores may only have started stocking the supplies for Tanabata today, apparently someone already noticed them being there pretty early on. Illya is pretty into the idea of Tanabata, after all, and she does want to make a wish..

.. which is why you may find the girl in the store, staring at the coloured paper and the bamboo. Something seems a little off about her though, like Illya is deep in thought, despite.. just staring at what are basically just crafting supplies.

Whatever she's thinking about, she doesn't seem to be paying too much attention to her surroundings. She turns without looking, bumping right into you when you're either standing next to her or trying to pass her - though she does have the decency to immediately look embarrassed after briefly startling. ]

Oh, sorry..! Um, you-- did you also want to get some stuff for Tanabata..?

[ Is she trying to make some awkward small talk to make up for the bumping-into-you thing? Absolutely. Or maybe she's trying to distract from how out of it she seemed a moment ago. ]

(2. hesitation - near the dreamer union headquarters)

[ Later that day Illya can be seen somewhere else entirely. In fact, maybe you have actually seen her there before, if you go near or into the Dreamer Union headquarters often enough. It hasn't been for too long yet, but for the past few days this girl definitely has been hanging out near the building - seeming to walk closer to it, only to shake her head and walk back.. after which the pattern repeats all over again.

The same thing is happening today. Seems a little weird, huh? Maybe you'd like to go ask her what's up, regardless of whether you know or don't know the girl acting so oddly. ]

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Wah..!

[ That's definitely a startled sound emerging from the girl - clearly scared, despite the way Lisa's own greeting was so casual and familiar. Granted, it's not like it's rare for Illya to startle, given how nervous and expressive the girl can be at times.. and how nervous she's been lately, really.

But that's still a very, very clearly guilty startle, mirrored in her eyes when she actually turns to look at Lisa. One could blame it on the embarrassment of having startled so plainly in public in the first place, but there's something a little more to it. Like there's something she's not sure she wants to talk about, especially with the way Illya awkwardly shifts her weight from foot to foot while standing there. ]

O-Oh, um.. No, I was just..

[ Her voice trails off.

That's a girl looking for an excuse, and who isn't sure what excuse to go for. ]

I just happened to be around here..

[ .. very convincing, right. ]

[...oi, how did she spook Illya? That's supposed to be the thing people do to her when she's stuck in her head and- oh. Ohhhhhh. Well. That explains something. And being stuck in your head here, of all places.........]

Hey, you're going to have to try a little harder than that. [Said gently, but seriously.] If you really don't want me to know what's going on, you don't have to tell me, but... [Her cheer dims a bit.] Keeping it to yourself might make you feel worse in the long run, you know? As someone that's very, very good at bottling things up until she gets herself in trouble.

[She thinks for a second, before perking up.] Oh, hold on a second... [And she pulls one strap of the tote bag off her shoulder to dig through it briefly, coming back with...] Tell you what. I'm bribing you a little, but if you're willing to talk, I have cookies? [Lisa holds up a cutely-decorated bag of checkerboard cookies, shaking it slightly to draw the girl's eye.] If you don't want to talk, I'll share anyway, though. Promise. [She grins.] I'm not above being pushy if I have to, but I'm not going to be a jerk about it, you know?

[ Talk about a total callout over there.

And it's probably not like Lisa needed any confirmation that she was right about this whole thing, given that Illya was being kind of obvious in the first place, but the girl's reaction makes it super obvious all the same. Her head lowers a little bit, her eyebrow knitting together into a worried frown - making her kind of look like a guilty dog. Indeed, guilty as charged about keeping something to herself here.

And while it's hard to resist the cookies, the thing that's more convincing to her is the idea that she might disappoint Lisa if she doesn't talk. Lisa, who has been so nice to her the entire time. Who has helped her before.

Wouldn't she feel bad if she knew there was stuff Illya didn't want to say..?

.. but just saying it isn't all that easy either. It might be why the young girl's gaze now drops fully, staring at her shoes like they're the most fascinting thing in the world as she kicks a little at some dust on the pavement. ]

I..

[ She's starting to speak. Slowly.

Even if she sounds very reluctant and shy about it. ]

I actually.. um.. I had my Awakening the other day. [ Only a little bit ago, really, which is why she's out here hesitating right now, rather than having done so earlier. ] But I-- I don't know if I should really be a Dreamer..

[ It feels embarrassing to admit. Especially to someone as amazing as Lisa - no matter what Lisa might think or say about herself.

What Dreamer says this sort of stuff, after all? The fact she's hesitating at all feels like proof she isn't true Dreamer material. ]

[The indecision on Illya's face is clear to read, and it makes Lisa feel like a little bit of a heel - maybe she shouldn't have pushed her? She opens her mouth to tell Illya to stop, but she's beaten to the punch by...

.......oh. Well, that certainly explains a couple things.]

Not feeling like it's quite so amazing, now that you're part of the club, huh? [It's quiet, and she's trying not to tease her.] I know you're not really excited about it, but... congratulations, even so. Whether or not you want this power, it's something that can help you connect to people. Even if it's through being anxious about it together.

[ Even though Lisa is - obviously - just joking, it's like the girl's expression drops even further when Lisa first says that. After all, it's not like any of this has changed Illya's mind about other Dreamers. Being a Dreamer is still great, that's not the problem.

The problem is her.

And now she's just worried that she's making Lisa feel worse too, and..

The young girl's gaze is still clearly aimed at her shoes, but she sniffs, like she's on the verge of tears, even with her eyes partially hidden behind her bangs when her head is tilted like this. ]

T-That's not it. People like you.. they're still amazing.

[ Nothing can change that in her mind. Not even anything Lisa says, since she thought the other was great even in the face of her insecurities they talked about before. ]

That's why it shouldn't be me. [ Because she's the one that's not amazing. ]

[......that feels wrong. Violently wrong, almost, and something in Lisa's heart lurches. Never mind that she's making Illya cry, which is probably going to get her put on a watchlist somewhere, this is going to make her cry. She opens her mouth to say something, reaching out a hand-

-and closes it again, that hand balling in front of her chest. Does she have the right to say anything, the way she is? Does it mean anything if it comes from someone that doubts herself every five seconds? That admitted as such to Illya last time they talked about the subject at length?

But. Illya... still thinks she's cool after all that, so maybe she can say something. Maybe she needs to.]

Illya-chan. Why shouldn't it be you? The fact that you even came here is a good start - you're willing to do something. And not just... [Her expression dims, and she looks away from the other girl.] ...run away from it.

[ She does want to kind of run away though. It's why she hasn't gone in there yet - because every time she takes a step towards the building, she also quickly takes one step back, like she's getting dangerously close.

.. can she tell Lisa that? It feels like Lisa wouldn't judge her, just because Illya perceives the other girl as so nice, but still.. it feels hard to say out loud, especially after Lisa said specifically that just now.

Still, Illya does at least force herself to look up at the other. And Lisa, in turn, may be glad to find there's no tears in the younger girl's eyes.

(Not yet, anyway.) ]

But.. I'm scared.

[ This much she can admit.

Even if it's hard to say - the feeling is so overwhelming that the words tumble right out of her mouth, especially in front of an older person Illya feels safe around. ]

I'm really, really scared..

-ah. Well, that's fair. [Completely nonchalantly.] This places scares me too, you know? If I didn't have a kinda-important errand to run, you definitely wouldn't find me here without a really good bribe. [Ai? Sure. Collecting money - which reminds her, while she's in there, isn't that a thing? Maybe she should check - absolutely. Find Zeke for a pep talk, now? Possibly. Anything else, there's a blinking outline and a dust cloud where Lisa used to be.]

And the other side scares me even more. Even now, months later, I still get uneasy before I even get where I'm going. I... [She looks at her hands, frowning.] It's one thing to know I'm a magical girl, a Dreamer, and that I can take care of myself - that I've fought before and I haven't gotten seriously hurt, that I'll be okay. It's another thing entirely to be looking at a Torment, kami forbid a Nightmare, and feel that way enough to not start shaking in my heels and wanting to run away screaming. [Indeed, her hands are shaking now. Lisa grimaces, but doesn't try to hide it; if anything, cruel as it is, it'll help her case. She's many things, but a good enough actress to display fear when she doesn't feel it is not one of them.]

[ The girl is quiet for a few moments. Not because she isn't paying attention - it's clear that she was listening to what Lisa was saying, since she's still looking at the other girl. That also leaves Illya's face entirely visible, making it very easy to see the way a rather complicated expression comes over her face momentarily..

After all, this isn't like anything she'd expect to hear from the other. Not that Lisa hasn't expressed negative sentiments before, but.. never to this extent, right?

... ]

But.. if even someone as impressive as you is already scared.. [ Granted, Lisa may not think she's impressive.

But Illya still does. Even with what Lisa confessed to her last time, even with what she's saying now-- it doesn't seem to shake that image Illya has got in her mind. ]

Then I wonder if someone like me would ever be able to do it..

[She definitely notices that look. Illya's definitely overthinking this, but... she can't really talk either. Lisa herself is still actively overthinking things on a regular basis. This isn't really the time for a pot-and-kettle argument.] My freaking out all over everything doesn't really say anything about you, though, y'know? Besides, the only way I got any better about it was exposure therapy. I psyched myself up, I went in, I screwed up, and then I swore I'd get better. [Her face colors a bit.] Then I got told off for pushing too hard, but that's... not important right now.

A-anyway, the point is! There's no way to know if you can handle it until you try, right? There's no point in saying "if even Lisa can't handle it, how am I going to deal?" Take that first step. Bring as many people as you need to, to help you feel safer. I'd offer to take you myself, but... well. After everything I just said, I'm sure you'd want more and better bodyguards. I'm sorry I'm not more dependable. [She runs a hand through her hair, sighing, although she really does understand. She couldn't protect someone from a paper bag.] I know I'm being pushy, and I'm sorry for that too. But I really think you're selling yourself short.

[ Honestly, Illya wasn't even thinking that Lisa is being pushy. Maybe they're similar in this regard - blaming others above themselves, which in this case makes Illya feels that rather than Lisa being pushy, it's Illya's fault for being wishy-washy here.

Taking all of this in is still a lot though. It's hard to even know what to say first, or what to do. What Lisa is saying does make Illya feel like she should just go for it, go into the building and sign up, and she-- she (probably) will.

But there's something else she has to address first. Something that feels easiest to say when she overthinks everything the other girl just said. ]

You know.. I don't think you'd be a bad bodyguard at all.

[ Of course that's the part Illya is going to talk about first, go figure..

Still, the sentiment in her eyes is so genuine as she says it. ]

I understand if you wouldn't want to go with me. It's probably really hard to guide someone so new.. But I know I'd feel a little safer if I was out there with you, even if it's just once or twice, you know.

[........dammit, Illya, don't look at her like that, it's bad for her self-control. Her heart is on her sleeve right now and she's not sure she likes feeling quite so exposed. But...]

I'd like to go with you, for sure. It's important to me. I just... don't know if I could keep you safe, if it came down to it. And letting you get hurt because I messed up is absolutely not something I want. That's the only reason I don't think I'd be a good bodyguard.

If you're sure you want me to go, I will, and I'll do my very best. Just don't expect miracles out of me, all right? Even in Dreams, I have my limits. [She tries to smile, but she's not convincing anyone, least of all herself.] Then again, that's why we're going together, right?

[ She nods. ]

Sure..! Of course I'd like you to go with me.. You make me feel really safe.

[ I-Illya, please.. this is just putting more pressure on poor Lisa, especially with what the other said just now! But it's not like Illya herself realises that, a little too young and never having guided anyone else.. To her, it just feels like she really wants to show she trusts Lisa. Because she does.

And regardless of whether or not the other actually manages to keep her safe, there's no doubt that Illya's words are true. Lisa's presence does make her feel safer. Maybe even a little braver. ]

I already talked about this with someone, and.. um.. they told me that all I have to do is my best. [ The girl nods a little to herself, but then looks over at the other. ] So if we do our best together, then it should be fine, right..?

[Internally, Lisa is wearing a very ugly expression; it wasn't enough to drop a metaphorical pan on her head the other day, now it's just a one-ton weight from a passing raincloud, and the low keening sound she's making on the inside is threatening to escape to the outside. This is. A lot of pressure indeed, and if she gets Illya hurt after all that, she's going to feel like she needs to turn in her Dreamer license and become a hermit to atone for her failure.

And yet... Illya needs her, right? Illya isn't asking for just any old Dreamer hanging out at the Union. She wants her, Lisa, specifically. And despite the pressure... that is enough, for her. She'll deal.]

I can't ask any more of you than that, right? Especially not when you're just starting out. And even if our best isn't enough, we'll make it work, somehow. That's how magical girls are supposed to act, right? We're going to go in there, and we'll do our best, and we'll shine as brightly as we can. [The smile is... slower to come, but she's working on it, as she convinces herself at the same time as Illya.] And maybe, just maybe, it'll turn out to be fun, and we'll come home smiling and celebrating our victory. Everything will be totally fine.

[Lisa is engraving that sentiment into her heart with every fiber of her being. Everything will be fine. It... has to be. It will be. If she goes in with this terror hanging over her, she's going to get them both hurt, and if she doesn't believe it, there's no way she can make Illya feel it. Everything will be fine-]

[ There's an important point in what Lisa touches on here, isn't there. Just maybe it'll turn out to be fun, she says, a possible outcome that Illya herself hadn't even imagined yet. She was so worried about going into the Dream Sphere in the first place and probably failing that she didn't even think about the fact that maybe it could go well. Maybe she could do well. Maybe she could actually help.

It still feels like a foreign possibility, but at least Lisa has planted the seeds of it, somewhere in the far back of Illya's mind..

Still, the girl doesn't mention it. There's something else her mind is focusing on, after all, the more she thinks over the other's words.

After a moment or two, it has Illya moving. Stepping forward, arms reaching out, and the next moment the younger girl is actually hugging Lisa. Cheeks burn with worry about being too forward, but it just-- It felt right in the moment. ]

Thank you. [ She mumbles, half-muffled against the other girl. ] You know, just.. for agreeing. I was really worried you didn't want to come with me..

[ For a myriad of potential reasons Illya could think of, honestly. But they don't matter as much in light of the fact that Lisa did agree to come with her now.

It's such a relief. ]

[Her nerves are fraying. What Illya is asking of her and what Lisa is agreeing to do are not quite the same, and she hasn't processed that fine distinction yet. So she's starting to panic, trying to work out what she's going to do, debating if she should ask someone for advice before the two of them go in, but she can't show that or she's going to lose what credibility she has with this poor girl-

-and then there are arms around her, and slowly, her panic ebbs away. She doesn't miss the words out of the girl's mouth, and Lisa starts to recognize that she's overthinking this, too. For all she'd been worried about Illya pushing herself too hard, clearly she hasn't internalized her own advice, and it's... a little humbling, and a little galling. Still, she's not going to leave Illya hanging, and her arms come around her friend in turn, tightly but not too tightly. Her tone, when she manages to speak, is quiet but warm, affection coming through clearly.]

Silly girl... of course I was going to come if you asked. You couldn't pay me to stay away. I... [She shakes her head, not trusting herself to laugh in case it comes out as a sob.] Thank you, Illya-chan. Thank you for trusting me.

[A small part of her is glad Illya remembered their promise from before, because boy, she was not in the headspace for it, and she appreciates the hell out of Illya's forwardness now.]

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there's a fork in the road (open)

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