[Lisa's eyes are wild for a second and her shoulders shake, as she bites her lip hard to keep an ugly laugh from escaping. Faking it until she makes it or fails to has been the only way she's kept herself going for a couple years. It's getting better, it is, but... still, Sam is trying. Sam's trying very hard, and she wants to respect that. Cackling would just be a dishonor, to both of them. When she thinks she can get a word out without cracking a little further, she lets out a soft breath.]
Yeah. I'm... yeah. It's hard not to... internalize. Every time I think I've got a handle on myself, I... [She shakes her head gently, and she feels so damn fragile. She hates it. She doesn't mind having the conversation, especially when it's with someone she's willing to try to reach out to. She just wishes it didn't make her feel like she'd done something wrong every time. It's a long moment before she feels comfortable enough to open her mouth again; when she does, she somehow sounds even more wrung out.]
I'll take the studying help, at least. My studies are something I can control, at least, so... I want to at least be able to shine there. I appreciate it. As for therapy... I actually started to see someone a couple weeks ago? It's still early, so I'm not sure how much it's helping, but I'm... hopeful. And I'm trying really hard not to let myself get in the way of that.
But... thank you, again, Sam. Seriously. I can't promise I'll use it right away, but, um, I'm going to try to remember I have lifelines when I feel- [she shrugs, apparently to mean "like this"-] and I can't handle it. I... [Lisa does her best to sit up straight and smile properly, and while it still looks dangerously lopsided and her eyes are a little watery, it's warm and appreciative.] Is it too weird to say that, even if I don't feel super happy right now, I'm happy that you listened to me, um, having a moment?
[She's not sure how to express her feelings right now. She wants to stick her head under a rock - or maybe just run away to the Sanctuary and hope nobody follows her - but even if she hates herself in this moment, she's happy someone is willing to look past that front and try to reach out a hand, enough she could cry. She may still; jury's out on that one. Might freak Sam out more though, and she doesn't want that. Sam doesn't deserve that.]
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or fails tohas been the only way she's kept herself going for a couple years. It's getting better, it is, but... still, Sam is trying. Sam's trying very hard, and she wants to respect that. Cackling would just be a dishonor, to both of them. When she thinks she can get a word out without cracking a little further, she lets out a soft breath.]Yeah. I'm... yeah. It's hard not to... internalize. Every time I think I've got a handle on myself, I... [She shakes her head gently, and she feels so damn fragile. She hates it. She doesn't mind having the conversation, especially when it's with someone she's willing to try to reach out to. She just wishes it didn't make her feel like she'd done something wrong every time. It's a long moment before she feels comfortable enough to open her mouth again; when she does, she somehow sounds even more wrung out.]
I'll take the studying help, at least. My studies are something I can control, at least, so... I want to at least be able to shine there. I appreciate it. As for therapy... I actually started to see someone a couple weeks ago? It's still early, so I'm not sure how much it's helping, but I'm... hopeful. And I'm trying really hard not to let myself get in the way of that.
But... thank you, again, Sam. Seriously. I can't promise I'll use it right away, but, um, I'm going to try to remember I have lifelines when I feel- [she shrugs, apparently to mean "like this"-] and I can't handle it. I... [Lisa does her best to sit up straight and smile properly, and while it still looks dangerously lopsided and her eyes are a little watery, it's warm and appreciative.] Is it too weird to say that, even if I don't feel super happy right now, I'm happy that you listened to me, um, having a moment?
[She's not sure how to express her feelings right now. She wants to stick her head under a rock - or maybe just run away to the Sanctuary and hope nobody follows her - but even if she hates herself in this moment, she's happy someone is willing to look past that front and try to reach out a hand, enough she could cry. She may still; jury's out on that one. Might freak Sam out more though, and she doesn't want that. Sam doesn't deserve that.]