Lisa Imai ♫ (
traceofeffort) wrote in
yumemigaoka2023-12-10 06:36 pm
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Entry tags:
December catch-all ♫
⭐ Who: Lisa and you!
⭐ When: All through December
⭐ Where: Check individual top-levels
⭐ What: The best way to keep her mind off things is to keep working! As it happens, she's got a fair bit of work to do, not that she thinks of it as such.
⭐ When: All through December
⭐ Where: Check individual top-levels
⭐ What: The best way to keep her mind off things is to keep working! As it happens, she's got a fair bit of work to do, not that she thinks of it as such.
Tomoe-24 (around Koubai) and Matsuba World Market, almost daily December 1st to 10th
As a result, Lisa can be found out and about with her tote bag, red scarf around her neck and fuzzy gloves on her hands, grabbing ingredients
rainsnow or shine. Vanilla, four kinds of sugar, eggs, icing tubes and tips, clear gift bags, it's all going into the bag at her shoulder, which seems to be getting heavy, as she's once again listing to the side it's slung over as she walks. Is she trying to make enough for the entire Dreamer Union or something? The jury's out, but she's definitely got a Major Project in mind. At one or two points she can be found looking over the food coloring, looking both at the quality and the colors with a critical eye, holding a disposable bag in one hand. Anything she decides she wants, she drops gently into the plastic bag, but she's being pretty choosy....as the week drags on, there's some flour in her hair, though, in different places each time you might see her. And a couple bandages on her fingertips. Aaaaand a more serious gauze patch on the back of her right hand by the 8th or so. Still, she carries on. The smell of vanilla is probably detectable from three feet away. It's... probably not a problem?]
December 9th, Matsuba World Market
He's lingering about the selection of hot chocolate mixes, overwhelmed by the amount of choices (what in the world was a Dreamy Cocoa Bomb??), when the sweet scent of vanilla tickles his nose. Curious, he glances up from the wall, wondering if he was just imagining things, when a familiar head of brown hair catches his eye. Was that... Lisa? With her visits to Camellia, he was starting to become a lot less nervous around her-- or at least, less nervous at the prospect of her figuring out who he was, anyway-- so he's comfortable enough now to trot over to where she was shopping, hand raised in greeting--
... but then he pauses, realizing she was deeply focused doing... something or other. Quality checking food coloring, maybe?? He's quiet as he approaches behind her, hoping he could get a better idea of what she was up to, but... nope, still not a clue.]
... looking for something in particular there, Lisa-san?
[AMANE, PLS.... WE'RE NOT IN THE DREAM SPHERE, DON'T JUMP-SCARE PEOPLE]
no subject
A-Amane-kun! Oh, you scared me!
[Her eyes are blown wide, but she didn't scream! Progress...? In any event, she lets out a long breath, before smiling at him.]
Um. I'm not super happy with the icing I'm making, so I need to see if I can fix the color, even if I have to re-make it. I think the food coloring I had was old.
no subject
Ah-- sorry, sorry...!! [BUT IS HE REALLY, THOUGH] You just seemed so caught up in what you were doing, I didn't want to interrupt...
[But... icing, huh...? Now that he was able to get a better look at her, the white dusting her hair and the intense scent of vanilla radiating off of her was starting to make more sense. He'd definitely seen a similar scene, when he and Tsukasa tried to bake a cake for Ai one year for her birthday, but there was a lot more burned hair involved...
His eyes slide over to the food coloring in her hands, however, leaning in and tilting his head a little as he observes it. She was putting an awful lot of effort into whatever this project was, huh...?]
Does the age really affect the color, though? I thought they were like... edible dyes or something. Those sort of things never expire, right?
[SPOKEN AS A BOY WHO'S NEVER PROPERLY BAKED BEFORE IN HIS LIFE]
no subject
I appreciate your discretion, ahaha... But yeah! Food color is kind of a dye, but they're more like chemicals. So the ingredients come apart and don't mix back together the same way, or the color shifts as it ages. [A slightly more pointed look, as she shakes it softly, the liquid coating the sides of the small bottle.] And like any other thing you eat, you don't want to keep them forever - they don't go bad like, say, milk or bread, but you still want to get fresh ones every so often.
[She drops the bottle of food coloring into the bag in her other hand, ties it shut, and then shifts to drop it into her tote... at which point it brushes the gauze patch, and she hisses, but completes the action with a somewhat pained expression. Which she immediately realizes she doesn't want to show him. Um, um-]
I feel like this isn't your usual hangout spot, though - are you looking for something?
no subject
He's about to open his mouth to comment upon it, when Lisa's hiss of pain throws him off guard, and his eyes dart from the cringe upon her face to her injury. Weird-- how did he miss that huge gauze pad before this?? Maybe he'd been more keen on figuring out what she was doing with the dye than paying attention to the bag in her other hand, but now that he'd seen it, he's kicking himself for not noticing it. Before he has a chance to ask about it, though, she blindsides him with that change in subject, and he blinks at her for a moment or two, looking bewildered.]
Um-- just some things to round out Christmas gifts and stuff. I've got a few ideas, but I don't really know what to do for my Secret Santa...
[But... no, he wasn't about to talk about his own errands when clearly something more concerning was going on here?? Amane wasn't exactly a stranger to heavier duty bandages (getting injured when one was on blood thinners made things messier than they should be), but he had a feeling his reasons didn't necessarily apply to Lisa in this case.]
... you okay, though? That bandage looks kinda serious. [A beat, and then, in an attempt dispel the tension a little bit:] Your rosemary isn't giving you that hard of a time, is it?
no subject
Sorry, I guess I shouldn't be trying to hide it. And no, Akashi-san was... [The smile on her face is enough to push the wince aside for a bit.] Very helpful at their plant clinic. My rosemary is... better, now. But I'm stalling again. [Lisa shakes her head.] I'm fine, I've just been a little careless doing my holiday baking. [She holds up her now-free hand, wiggling her fingers to show off the bandages.] Most of these are little burns. Brushed something I shouldn't have, tried to move stuff that wasn't quite cool yet. The other one is... not so little. I'm still not entirely sure what I did, but my potholder slipped, and then there was a 190-degree pan on the back of my hand.
no subject
They better be, if they were going to start criticizing our pots like that...
[Yes, he's still a little salty about that-- not that they were wrong in the assessment or anything, but it's not like Amane potted them in the first place!! Stop blaming him for everything, Shinsha, jeez!!
Still, he's quiet as Lisa describes what happened, the bandages on her fingers giving him a twinge of nostalgia. The twins had been discouraged from the kitchen over the years for their own good (and also for the good of those around them, no doubt), but it hadn't quite stopped Amane and Tsukasa from attempting to make something time to time when the desire struck them. Of course, one of those attempts involved trying to speed run a sheet of cookies by setting the oven to 260C, which went as well as one would expect....
Amane can't help but wince at that last bit though, his hand flinching at the very thought. OOF. No wonder she had the serious business bandage on-- that got to have hurt. He tries to smooth it over with a smile and a gentle joke, though there's still a bit of a worried tinge to it all.]
I guess maybe I should have pushed an aloe plant on you instead, huh? You probably would have gotten a lot more mileage out of it by now. But... hopefully that's the last of it, right? The, uh-- oven-related part to all that baking, I mean. Your hands definitely look like they need a break from any hot metals.
[Or a break in general, really! A thought occurs to him then, though, and after a brief, tentative pause:]
Or... I could take that bag off your hands, for a little while...?
no subject
Not... quite. I have a little bit more baking to do, for a few gifts I want to still be soft when I'm ready to give them. But I've upgraded to oven gloves for the rest of the season - they're like big, heat-resistant mittens that come down to about here or so, [she says with a gesture to a point just past her wrist,] so I can't actually drop one. But most of my remaining work is with frosting and icing and sprinkles, yeah! Don't get me wrong, though, I'll probably be back for an aloe plant. I know myself too well to think I won't need it... sooner rather than later.
[Lisa blinks at his offer, and visibly considers for a moment. She doesn't need a lot of stuff today - not nothing, but not another five kilos of butter like a couple days ago - and while she doesn't strictly need the help, she appreciates what he's trying to do.]
Hmm... I could get by without, but I could certainly use the help. Tell you what - I brought some of the fresh cookies, just in case. If you wouldn't mind keeping me company for a little bit, we can swing back to Camellia after and share a few over tea? I can always use another taste-tester, and I can try and help you with your shopping, too.
no subject
Speaking of cookies, though, his eyes light up at Lisa's own offer, the prospect of free, handmade sweets temporarily overriding his reticence and tapping into something more giddy and excited instead.]
Fresh cookies...?? Really?!
[It's times like these you can really see where the Hanako persona comes from, huh........ although he does manage to catch himself before he got too carried away, tempering down his eagerness to something a bit more manageable.]
I mean-- y-yeah, we can do that...! [And, with a bit of a sly smile:] And I can make sure you don't leave without some aloe, either. If you got more baking to do after this, I think you're definitely going to need it.
[If not the whole plant, then at least some clippings-- aloe was fairly hardy, so one of their pots wouldn't mind the surprise haircut if it came down to it. He holds out his hands to accept her bag, should she decide to offer it to him, the gesture an automatic one after all of the years he's spent coming along with his mom on these sorts of trips.]
To be honest, I'm not really sure what to do with my own shopping, though. I thought about buying some snacks to put into everyone's gifts, but... I'm not really sure what they'd all like, y'know? It'd be kinda a waste to get something they wouldn't want to eat. And I don't really have a clue what my Secret Santa is into, either, aside from cute things...
no subject
The moment the thought crosses her mind, her eyes shoot open wide, and every other inkling stops cold. She'd been a little suspicious of Amane for a while now, of that nagging feeling she knew him from somewhere else, but now that it's clicked, she can't unsee it. It doesn't change a whole lot, but it's a way to explain some things, not least how he gets into the DU, and why it seems like he knows her in a lot more detail than she's shown him. But, she thinks, as the adrenaline from making the connection bleeds off like some kind of high school detective, does it even need to change how she treats him? It doesn't seem like it. Slowly, Lisa lets out a breath, and she relaxes. If anything, it means he understands her more than he lets on, and that means she doesn't need to stand on ceremony with him quite so much.]
Oh, I definitely will. Not that I want to plan on burning myself any further, but... I know how I get. Guess we should get a move on, then, huh? [Seeing Amane reach out to take her tote, she quickly removes her Sandglass from it, before handing the bag over. The Sandglass then gets clipped onto her purse. Just in case. Her tote isn't super heavy right now; other than the food coloring she'd just dropped in, a couple bags of cookies, a couple finished scarves, a few rolls of yarn, and her needles, it's more or less empty. That's... not nothing, but he shouldn't have trouble with it, probably.]
But, anyway... The most important part about a gift is that you thought about the other person when you picked it, even if it doesn't turn out to be something they use all the time or were super excited about. Your job is to show them you care. [Her gaze moves back from him to the tote he's holding.] It's part of why I'm so big on crafts. Being able to say that I put my own time and effort and sweat - and, yes, blood, sometimes - into a thing I made... [She looks back at Amane, warmth in her expression.] I want to be able to tell someone they were important enough to me that it was worth it to do that for them.
Um, so even if you don't know for sure, let's think about it a little bit, and make your best guess. Even if it doesn't go over perfectly, you tried your best, yeah?
Dreamer Union lounge, most afternoons December 5th to 20th
Y'know, I've always thought warmer colors make clothing feel warmer. But cool colors might look good... ah, I can't decide, maybe I'll make one or two of both and see how the vibes come out, yeah? What do you think?
[Part of the goal of this operation is to maybe make her to interact with some of the other people at the Dreamer Union that she doesn't see at Promised Morning, so despite the fact that she isn't doing much, it still has a purpose somewhere in the back of her mind. As the days go on, though, her stress doesn't seem to decrease very much overall, and she seems to be picking up small injuries somehow? The flour - and occasionally sugar - in her hair are constant companions in this season, and bandages on her fingers come and go. Still, since it seems to be helping her wind down, this is probably an acceptable way to spend her time... right? (Please interrupt her, she needs distractions.)]
sometime mid-December
Oh, I'm sure it's best to make several - that way you can compare, like you said, and also you'll have more in the end! You could even layer them! It gets cold enough to do that here.
no subject
Yes! All of the scarves. Maybe not all at once, but two scarves might be fun. Fire and ice, except it's warm and also warm. [She giggles.] I want to have some extras anyway. Sometimes I run into people that just look cold, and I want to be able to give them something in a pinch.
[...the streaks of white in her not-as-long hair probably make her look a little wild, but she seems nice enough? The bandages on half her fingers and the gauze on the back of her hand are a touch less benign though.]
no subject
Oh, having extras to give away is so nice...
[ Jade likes this person immensely! She's so thoughtful!!But, Jade does also notice the bandaging. ]
Were you in a fight recently?
[ Just, asking. cheerfully. like this is a normal thing to ask fellow teenage girls. ]
no subject
Ah, no, I'm more or less okay! Does a fight with the oven count?
[If she didn't want to answer the question, she wouldn't be out here in a public place, but it's still strange for someone she hasn't met before now to ask. It shows a certain level of caring for other people she wasn't entirely expecting today?]
no subject
[ If Jade seems surprised, that's only because she was absolutely expecting a story closer to the ones her grandpa used to tell, involving fisticuffs with vaguely-defined "ruffians". She's far from disappointed though, it's undeniably nicer behavior to get injured working on an appliance than from fighting another person. ]
So what was wrong with it? [ Jade's never had to repair an oven before!
...The flour streaks in Lisa's hair finally connect with this oven information, and Jade reconsiders the situation: ] ...Or were you cooking things?
no subject
[Speaking of her yarn, she sets her knitting fully aside to give her visitor her full attention.] Baking! But yes, I think I got complacent and I wasn't really being careful enough. Contact burns suck. [She starts to absently rub the back of her right hand, where a gauze patch is neatly taped on, before hissing at the touch and stopping, seeming to remember why she's not supposed to do that.]
1/2
Oh no, yeah, hot metal sucks to touch. I hope whatever you were baking came out extra good to make up for it!
2/2
You said you play the bass though? Me too! I'm a bit out of practice, but I'm hoping to get back to playing it again. I always felt like the music helped my vegetables grow better, haha.
no subject
[She perks up at the mention of someone else that plays the bass; her expression is interested but a little guarded.] I'm also out of practice on this side... but it's my weapon in Dreams. I need to pick it back up too, I just... [Lisa looks down at her hands, before shaking her head.] Veggies, huh? I have enough trouble with my orchid, so that's pretty impressive! Anything tasty? [Very subtle, girl.]
no subject
[ Jade's taken by surprise - cookies! They were just... here, all along! She accepts the bag carefully, also not wanting to break any, and finally sits down nearby so she can wrangle one out. ]
They look great - I'm sure they're tasty too!
[ She nibbles on it before gives an approving thumbs-ups. Lisa's hands have not suffered in vain! Speaking of which, she notices Lisa's glance at them and (probably) misinterprets. ]
Yeah, I bet it'd be hard to play with your hands injured... oh, I hope they don't carry over into Dreams since that's your weapon...
[ She looks concerned for a moment before deciding Lisa likely has all that under control - she just needs some sympathy, not assistance! Injuries heal at the rate they heal, and she's got them all nicely bandaged and everything already. ]
I always find the things that can be weapons over there fascinating - mine's just a gun.
[ Jade has another small bite of cookie as she thinks over the question of her garden. ]
Well I haven't set up anything here yet, since I only just moved in; but back on the island we had a pretty sizable garden. Lets see... there was a little lemon tree... wait no, that's fruit. Half the greenhouse was taken over just by pumpkins. [ Jade giggles at the memory - the pumpkins had gotten a little out of hand! ] And there were green beans and peppers; kale, carrots and beets... I'm forgetting something. Hm. What am I forgetting...
[ Another small bite. She may have also forgotten she hasn't given the bag back. ]
no subject
[Lisa nods calmly at the description, perking up a bit more.] New to town, then? Welcome to Yumemigaoka! Boy, though, that sounds great. Hope you like salad. [She gives no signal she's even expecting the bag back. There are a number of such bags back at home, but she's not going to say that aloud, it makes her sound desperate.]
let's say 15 December
Basically, by going to the DU and hanging out. But she knows Lisa's probably hanging there too, doing her thing, and so she barges in the lounge with two steaming mugs heaped with whipped cream. One has a peppermint stick, and that's the one Sam keeps in hand. The other one she sets down near Lisa--not within the danger zone of her bag, however. Sam knows better!]
I thought you could probably use the blood sugar boost, so I made hot cocoa! And yeah, I think your thought is not wrong--make one of each and see how it goes! Some people just prefer cool colors, too. Or think they look better in them, you know?
[Sam sets her own mug down carefully, and flops near-bonelessly into the closest chair with a sigh that can only be relief.]
I'm DONE with school! ...until January, I guess. But that's something...
[A little more time to herself is no bad thing. Maybe now she can get her Christmas decorations up properly, instead of just doing a string of lights in her apartment window and a wreath on the door...]
How've you been holding up?
no subject
[She grins at the reminder that school's out for a bit.] Oh, I definitely need the break from school too. Finals were... an experience... but it's fine, I got through them, I'm not super worried about, well, even my bad subjects? [There's a reason for that, but she'll keep that under wraps for now.] Now I just have to look ahead to third semester... and then whatever's after that. [A puff, as she looks into the distance, an accidental study in metaphor.] Or maybe I'll save that looking for later. Much later.
[A sidelong glance.] Which is one of the larger things that's been on my mind, admittedly. So I've been trying to kick that can down the road with projects! I just keep getting distracted. [That's probably evident. There are half a dozen bandages on her fingers, and the industrial-strength gauze pad on the back of her hand looks recently taped. Still, even if she looks like she's had a bad time of things, her spirits are good, and that can only be a good thing.] Oh, speaking of projects! Um, can I interest you in a cookie? [Setting the cocoa down, she reaches back across to her tote but on the other side from her knitting, and after a little rummaging without looking, pulls out a twist-tied bag of what look like sugar cookies, in the shape of mittens, with vivid, icy-blue icing and black piping.] I can vouch that they're very edible, but not everybody likes sugar with their sugar.
no subject
[Sam beams happily at the clear acceptance and even enthusiasm for her hot cocoa. Inasmuch as she's sad about not gaming as often any more, sometimes life's like that. Sam knows this. And the stretching? Lisa's form definitely isn't bad, either; Sam knows that you need that sort of break with repetitive stuff or you'll cramp up. Hers might come from doing reps instead of knitting, but the principle is the same.]
Are you just distracting yourself with projects, or are you putting off something you really ought to be doing? No pressure either way, just...food for thought, I guess? Not that I never procrastinate myself. Sometimes I really am like "why do today something I can put off 'til tomorrow!" But it's not always a good thing...
[She visibly brightens at the sight of cookies. Sure, Sam can make cookies herself, too, but everyone's always taste different, and, well.]
Heck yeah, I love sugar with my sugar! [As if that's not obvious, from some of the shenanigans she gets up to and how she's usually dialed to 11. She makes grabby hands at the bag, stopping just short of actually snatching it, because Sam does try to be polite, in the end.] Please!
no subject
I'm... distracting myself is probably closer. Not that I don't need to unwind, so I need the outlet anyway. [And speaking of, Lisa's smile turns warmer at Sam's enthusiasm, offering the bag to her. She'll find the cookies sweet but not too sweet, a good balance with the icing. Someone's been practicing.] I've just had a lot on my mind. School, university, stuff at home, now this Disturbance stuff... I'm dealing, but it's just a ton.
no subject
[She might think differently in regards to her schooling if she were still in America. Sam doesn't talk about her family much, but her parents are...a little overbearing at best, and really her choice of study would be a total disappointment, regardless of her GPA...as Lisa continues, though, Sam's expression grows--well, not troubled, per se, but 'concerned' is a good word.]
That's understandable, but you probably shouldn't shoulder it all alone, you know? I'm sure I'm not the only one offering you a hand, and I'm not gonna judge you if you take it. I don't think you're drowning, but hells, if I can help before you hit that stage? I want to. We're friends, and that's what friends do!
no subject
[The hesitation is probably natural; Lisa hasn't figured out how to slow down yet, and even if she had, she might not do it anyway. Sam's visible and audible concern - for her, how strange - makes her question that gut feeling just a little. Sam reminding her they're supposed to be friends makes her question it a little more.]
I... I probably shouldn't. But I got so... [She's trying to be a little less open about why she is the way she is unprompted, so she takes a second to gather her thoughts; the look on her face while she does it is sour.] ...used to not asking for help that I kind of forget I can do that, without having to hit rock bottom first. And I'd feel bad about taking up your free time when you already have so little of it...
no subject
I can understand wanting to be independent. I'm there too. But hitting rock bottom sucks for you, wipes you out, and probably isn't that great for anyone who cares about you, either, you know? And hey! It's my free time! I should be able to do what I want with it, and I'm offering! You're not strong arming me or anything! Especially not if I offered! Which I did. [Pointing that out. There's a part of her that realizes she's being a little hypocritical here, but Sam's just not going to let on with that.]
Besides, right now I have more free time. At least 'til the semester starts, and then? Then we'll see.
no subject
Lisa will be the first person to tell you her head isn't entirely screwed on straight, but she's at least able to recognize that much.
Outwardly, Lisa deflates, mood tanking, but she doesn't quite close off; she shrinks into her scarf somewhat, muffling her voice a bit, but the lounge isn't so busy it helps her hide much.] You're right. It... does suck, a lot. I'm... I'm sorry. I'm sorry I'm like this. [No louder than a whisper, before she tries to pick herself up.] Um. I... could probably use the help. At least until we go back to school. Thank you, Sam-san.
[She closes her eyes for a moment and takes a long, shuddering breath, before letting it out slowly.] I really appreciate that you're offering. Please don't... misunderstand my reticence. [But she doesn't entirely trust herself to explain right now, unless Sam presses her. Which would... not be entirely unearned.]
no subject
Aw, just Sam is fine! And I'm happy to help. I just need to know what you need, you know? Even if it's just a friendly ear to get something heavy off your chest. If it needs to be kept a secret, well. My lips are sealed.
[She does mime zipping her lips shut, here, but she can keep things quiet with the best of them, if the need is there. She reaches out a hand now, to give Lisa a brief, gentle squeeze on her shoulder. Sam has dialed it back from 11, because her usual exuberance might be...a bit too much, here.]
You're you, and there's nothing wrong with that! I might not exactly get why you're being reticent, exactly, but I'm sure you've got your reasons. If you want to share 'em with me, I'll listen, but I get the impression interrogating you about them won't do either of us any favors. I just don't like the way you're implying there's something wrong with you, though...
[Though if she got that comment reversed on herself, it might be akin to an Olympic sport, the way Sam would clam up fast...]
no subject
Even if there isn't, it's... really hard to make myself feel like there isn't, some days. I just. Hide it okay, most of the time. [At least, Sam isn't on the short-ish list of people who have seen the facade crack... or, well, wasn't until today.] But I spent long enough with people telling me there was, that I think I started to believe it.
[It's somehow a more stable response than her apology for being a mess, and even if it's the short short version, it gets the point across well enough for her to feel like she's... kind of explained herself? Not truly, but enough to get across why she reacts the way she does. Although, to add to it-]
So I'm not really... sure what I need. A friendly ear, sure. Studying... maybe. [A wry, tired smile that doesn't quite reach her eyes, as she adds:] Therapy, I think, but I'll saddle a professional with that.
no subject
[Here, Sam pauses, because it's pretty clear she has to organize her thoughts into some sense of coherence, too. Her brow furrows a tiny bit, but she's not angry. It's just taking some thought to frame what she wants to say.]
And that sort of thing? Being told something's wrong with you 'til you start to think..."hey...what if they're right?" happens more than most people want to admit. The closer the speaker is to you, personally, the worse it is, too.
[Speaking from experience, there, Sam?]
Doesn't mean they're right, but it's hard to break out of that thought cycle when you've heard it so much. It's like a vicious circle.
[She pauses, there, listening again, and nods at Lisa's words.] Well, if you want the studying help, I got you. If I can't do it myself, hell, I know some people, too. I'm not the best at everything, after all! [She chuckles briefly, there, but quickly grows more serious, leaning in.]
I don't do therapy myself...yet. I mean. I know I probably should, but...I can get you a list of folks who do talk therapy. If you want. And I can at least go with you to the first appointment? Not to like, sit in! Just...as moral support? Go get some boba or something afterwards, as a "hell yeah, I did it!" celebration? And my ear is always open. Hell, you can have my phone number too. This way you can text me any time, even if you're worried you're gonna bother me. If I'm doing a show or something, I might not answer quick, but I'll definitely get back to you.
Even if you don't think it's important, okay?
no subject
or fails tohas been the only way she's kept herself going for a couple years. It's getting better, it is, but... still, Sam is trying. Sam's trying very hard, and she wants to respect that. Cackling would just be a dishonor, to both of them. When she thinks she can get a word out without cracking a little further, she lets out a soft breath.]Yeah. I'm... yeah. It's hard not to... internalize. Every time I think I've got a handle on myself, I... [She shakes her head gently, and she feels so damn fragile. She hates it. She doesn't mind having the conversation, especially when it's with someone she's willing to try to reach out to. She just wishes it didn't make her feel like she'd done something wrong every time. It's a long moment before she feels comfortable enough to open her mouth again; when she does, she somehow sounds even more wrung out.]
I'll take the studying help, at least. My studies are something I can control, at least, so... I want to at least be able to shine there. I appreciate it. As for therapy... I actually started to see someone a couple weeks ago? It's still early, so I'm not sure how much it's helping, but I'm... hopeful. And I'm trying really hard not to let myself get in the way of that.
But... thank you, again, Sam. Seriously. I can't promise I'll use it right away, but, um, I'm going to try to remember I have lifelines when I feel- [she shrugs, apparently to mean "like this"-] and I can't handle it. I... [Lisa does her best to sit up straight and smile properly, and while it still looks dangerously lopsided and her eyes are a little watery, it's warm and appreciative.] Is it too weird to say that, even if I don't feel super happy right now, I'm happy that you listened to me, um, having a moment?
[She's not sure how to express her feelings right now. She wants to stick her head under a rock - or maybe just run away to the Sanctuary and hope nobody follows her - but even if she hates herself in this moment, she's happy someone is willing to look past that front and try to reach out a hand, enough she could cry. She may still; jury's out on that one. Might freak Sam out more though, and she doesn't want that. Sam doesn't deserve that.]
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God. I get that. I really do. Believe me, I got plenty of judgement from my own damned family. Nothing quite like the people who're supposed to buoy you up tear you down, huh?
[Sam's aware Lisa's situation might not be the same, but she's equally aware that she's letting Sam peer behind the curtain, so to speak, and that's valuable. Even if it's not a deep, soul-wrenching confession, it's worth secret sharing. Sam is...definitely not the type to dwell on things if she can help it, but.
Family issues are still a sore spot.]
'Course you'll shine! You bust your hump, and people will see it. All I'll be doing is giving you a bit of support where I can, you know? Quizzing you if you need help on memorizing stuff, I don't know for sure, but we can leap that hurdle when we come to it.
[Sam might be treating Lisa's studies like they're not a huge deal, but she's pretty confident that Lisa can get a handle on it. She's always struck Sam as smart and clever. Just lacking in confidence. And, well. Sam might never have been an actual cheerleader, but. She nods though when Lisa mentions therapy.]
Okay, good. Look, you're doing all you can do. And sometimes therapists don't work out. For whatever reason, you just don't click. That's not a failure on your part or your therapist's, if that's what happens. It just means they ought to help you find someone who's a better fit, hey?
[Sam can't help but make a little huff of amusement there.]
A moment? Honey, you didn't even look like you were gonna cry at all. If that's a moment, well. You got nerves of steel--even if they're as taut as our guitar wires right now, huh?
[If Lisa's worried about Sam freaking out, well. Sam doesn't seem like she's about to. Then again, Sam's always been the type to attempt to roll with life's punches and get up swinging on the other side. That seems true right now, too.]
But you're welcome. Any time. Seriously. Plus, you got this. Even if you don't think you do, I believe you do! You just gotta try to do that, too. Easier said than done, but. You can do it!
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I have a feeling it'll be more than a bit, but I'll take it. Still, even someone I can feel is in my corner will be a big help. [It's even a help now, as some of the weight seems to lift off her shoulders. Lisa is pushing herself as she speaks, but Sam is helping.]
With therapy, too. I think this'll work out, but if it doesn't, I'll figure something out. Or they'll help me figure it out. All I can do is a lot to promise myself, but it's... what I've got, right? [It's all I've got, she thinks but carefully does not say. The huff gets her attention again, though, and she smiles.]
Can't let them see you cry, yeah? It shows weakness. It's not something young ladies are supposed to do in front of other people... [She huffs out a breath of her own, smile less forced but also a bit wry still.] Or something. It's not something I consider a strength, but maybe I need to. I'll just have to believe in that faith, right? Everything will be okay, and I'll make it out the other side. I just... need to trust in that.
[...she will be okay now, probably. Not right away, and not without help, but she'll be able to keep going. That's enough.]
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[ Also why does it look like - and smell??? - like you've been doing battle with a pastry monster girl? That's... concerning. ]
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[Don't get too close to her tote bag, Chris, the smell of glorious pastry combat is stronger there.
Or do get close. Either or.]no subject
[ It looks like she's been busy? ]
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Yeah I can... kinda guess. You look like you've been up to a lot of hobbies.
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[....she pokes her face with the back of one of her needles. She evidently did not find whatever she was searching for, as she tilts her head slightly. As her hands come back down, she catches the bandages and smiles sheepishly.] Or maybe my hands? Would you believe I forgot about those for a second?