August catch-all ♫

[traceofeffort]

⭐ Who: Lisa and you! Yeah, on your phone in the front row! Get up here!
⭐ When: August! Waterpark threads will be on that log, but she'll be busy the rest of the month too.
⭐ Where: Mostly in Koubai and Kihada, but maybe also Akabeni? All over the place, really. See individual top-levels.
⭐ What: After taking a bit of a mental health break earlier in the year, Lisa's ready to put her life officially back on track! Part of that's going back to school, but her social life seems to be developing too... If you don't see anything you like, swing by her plotting top-level and we'll hash something out.
⭐ Warnings: Probably nothing, but while Lisa's mood is more positive than usual it's also a little more swingy. Lisa-typical poor self-image, possibly.

Comments

[smalltall]

[It had been a choice she'd made in the spur of the moment. To casually reveal something she'd kept secret from everyone she's known for a long time, just blurted out in a moment of clarity. And despite that, she didn't feel panicked or scared of what she'd just made clear. Maybe she felt Lisa was the trustworthy type. Or maybe she was just tired of trying to live two separate lives.]

That is good. And I suppose I can imagine the sort of things you are thinking right now. I apologize for not being more open with you, but I had a reason for it. It was one of the things you said that made me change my mind.

[She reaches into her pocket, pulling out something which makes it obvious she'd been being deceitful, her sandglass. She sets it on the table next to her coffee.]

More then one reason, really. But the one that convinced me I needed to change was being afraid. Afraid that if I don't stop trying to do everything on my own I might have something like....that happen one day.

[It should be pretty obvious what she means by 'that'.]

The other reason is.....well, how do I ask this? I guess just clearly is the best way. Have you ever known anyone with a dream form that didn't look anything like their real self?

[traceofeffort]

[She'd suspected, sure, but the soft clunk of a Sandglass hitting the table between them completely resets her mental track. Lisa starts to consider this from a different angle. Who had she met for any length of time in Hanako's Disturbance that she didn't already know? That list was... vanishingly short. Maybe just one person, with a memorable hat, and a memorable color scheme, and a memorable weapon.

Still, she can finish connecting the dots in a second. Karen needs her now, and Lisa shakes her head as she pulls herself back on track.]

I had a feeling for a second, but... it's okay, Karen-chan, really. You don't have to feel bad about it. Sometimes it's scary to talk about other parts of ourselves to people we don't entirely trust yet, you know? But... thank you, for trusting me with this.

[She lets out a soft breath. Karen's been having these thoughts for a bit, huh? Not that she's one to talk, but. She understands that specific worry intimately. And so Lisa smiles gently.]

I don't think those just happen, but I get it. That's something I was worried about for a while too. I just... take things a day at a time. And I'm not afraid to ask for help. So... if you want advice, or even just someone to talk to, I'm always good for a chat. [She pauses at what should be a bit of an odd question, but if she's right-] As for the other thing, I've known a few people that don't quite match up on the other side with how they are on this side. But it all depends on what kind of dream you're chasing, yeah? I want to be the me that's confident enough to pull out her bass and put on a show, so I look like this, just in a fancy costume. Someone else... might not want to be the person they are on this side.

[smalltall]

[Well, she had done it. Her biggest and, perhaps, only secret had been revealed to someone she barely even knew. It was difficult to imagine Lisa would not be able to figure out which otherwise entirely unknown Dreamer the overly tall girl was. There were likely not a lot of them in the city who hadn't registered with the Union. And even if there were, she stood out for a few reasons.

But it felt good to talk about. While she had no intention of bombarding poor Lisa with her life story, she wanted to at the very least give an explanation for why she hid it in the first place.]

I see...so there are others like this as well. Those that I have met here in the waking world have not had such drastic changes as I go through. I can guess why I become like I do. I definitely know what sort of dream I am chasing. When I think of what sort of pain someone has to feel to create something as dark and imposing as that haunted school was, I almost feel ashamed that I even feel bothered by...well, you surely saw it walking beside me. The way you had to look up to even see my face. Its so unimportant, and yet its always on my mind. And that is why...actually, I can just show you.

{She pulls her phone out of her pocket and taps at it while she continues to speak.]

This is going to sound like a subject change, but I promise you its not. What I am about to show you is the character page for a well known character in a game called GGO, short for Gun Gale Online. She's known for being social and reliable, and having her on your team means your chance of victory is all but guaranteed....or so some people say, anyway. No one knows who she is offline....well, there is one person. Two, now.

[She turns the phone towards Lisa, where a cutesy, rounded and familiar smiling face was on display. The character's name and stats were displayed, most of it would be meaningless to someone unfamiliar with the game, but a few things stood out. The unusually high dexterity stat, the outfit, and of course, the displayed name: 'LLENN'. Somehow, it seemed this overly tall girl had turned her character from an online game into her Dreamer form.]

When I said that I treated the Dream Sphere like a game, its because of this. I regret saying something so disrespectful now that I understand the situation better, as well as how important it is to you.

[She bows her head in an apologetic manner.]

[traceofeffort]

[Lisa feels bad that Karen is taking the full weight of that last Disturbance all at once, but... it seems like she's working toward getting something off her chest, so probably better to let the snowball roll. The seeming non-sequitur as Karen pulls out her phone confuses her for a second... then she sees the face she remembers from that nightmarish Dream and the last pieces fall into place. She remembered the pink girl, but this really drives it home. That makes her understand the somber feeling she's getting, too - LLENN, that day, seemed to be treating the whole thing like a routine adventure. There'd been a good reason for that at the time - it was a routine adventure to LLENN, GGO character - but now that Karen is starting to assert some more control over that persona it creates that strange tonal dissonance.

She doesn't remember seeing anyone playing much Gun Gale Online when she'd had streams on in the background, not that she entirely knows what it'd look like beyond a place where a pink submachine gun would fit in, but she understands the desire to be someone else to cover your insecurities intimately. Lisa smiles at the other girl, shaking her head.]

You don't really need to apologize to me for that. It did seem a little strange at the time, but it didn't really offend me... and I'm a little too serious over there anyway, so I'm not really in a position to complain. Please, raise your head.

But hey! The things you work on in your Dreams can help you on this side, too. I know we can't do much for short, but I can help with cute if you want, and you're already working on social and reliable! LLENN is part of you too, just like Rhodonite is part of me. So... I know it's easy for me to say, but I don't think there's anything you need to be sorry for. Ha- mm. Amane-kun is okay, and whether or not I actually took it personally, you owned up to what you thought was a mistake. That's more than enough.

[She's silent a moment. Then, with a quirk of her lips:]

I could use a good luck charm over there. Guaranteed victory, huh?

[smalltall]

[Its more than a little surprising to Karen that she isn't freaking out now. She had been at least as worried about how she'd feel after admitting her secret as she was how the other girl would react. But all she got was positivity in response, and it did wonders for her mental state.]

Its funny. I've gone over in my head many times what I expected this moment to be like. I always knew I couldn't hide her forever. But I always assumed it would be some mistake on my part that would lead to it, not that I would just openly admit it! I also rather expected I would be judged more harshly. Its not like I am not ashamed of LLENN, don't misunderstand. But its very easy to fill my head with thoughts of how other people would think it was strange.

[She smiles sheepishly.]

Its more embarrassing admitting how much 'cute' actually means to me. It is part of the reason she is covered in so much pink. I always dreamed of wearing pink clothes, or frilly dresses covered in ribbons and bows. But the bigger I got, the easier it felt to dress in drab clothes. They are easy to ignore, and so are the people who wear them.

[The smile becomes embarrassed at the last bit.]

That is what other people say, not me. I suppose my win rates make it seem that way. I've got something like a 96% win rate in pvp, and I even won a team tournament without a team. I just entered on my own and came out ahead. Now everyone calls a high dex build a 'LLENN' build, and...

[She stops herself with a slightly embarrassed look on her face.]

But I am getting off topic. The important thing is that if you ever need my help, I'll try to be there. Its the least I can do for listening to me. And I don't just mean on the other side, either.