yumemigaoka | November catch-all ♫

[Junna'd been absorbed enough in the phone call that she might have been looking in Lisa's direction a little, but she wasn't really seeing her. That changes when Lisa raises her hand, which has the merciful effect of reminding her where she is. There's still her mother talking on the other end. She sees what Lisa mouths, and she hesitates for a second.

When Lisa takes her hand, Junna squeezes it.

There's an impulse to smile and say yes; it would be a lie. Lisa would know it as a lie. And -- besides -- if she was just going to lie like that... it doesn't sit right with her. She shakes her head no, finally.

And then she needs to talk again.] I know. Focus... focus on my studies. And the important things. I'm sorry for disappointing you. [Another moment of quiet, and then:] Yeah. I'll... talk to you later, Mom. Uh-huh. Bye.

[She hangs up. Then, she puts her phone on the counter, and puts a hand to her forehead.] ...Sorry. [Her tone of voice oozes awkwardness. And her expression isn't much better, either.] I didn't think it would go like that.

[Lisa... wouldn't have blamed her for lying. She's done it herself more than once. But she appreciates the honesty, and she squeezes Junna's hand back with a smile. She waits patiently, if with a little bit of a sharp glance at the phone in Junna's hand, until she sees the phone hit the counter. Immediately, after another brief moment's glare, she takes a mental step back and lets her gaze soften.]

You don't have to apologize for that. It's not your fault. It sounds like it's anything but your fault. [Lisa sighs softly.] Is it just acting she's not on board with? Or is she going full no-fun-allowed?

[A small pause. Then, she slides closer, shoulder-to-shoulder, with a grin to hopefully ease some of the awkwardness. If it hides her own issues for a bit longer, all the better.]

Ah, but if she doesn't want you seeing your friends, I'm ignoring that. I need my recharge time, and nobody's taking my Junna quota away from me.

[Junna takes her phone after a second, turning it over and back quickly. She didn't throw it that hard, but there's some briefly misplaced fear she might have broken it. That's just worrying, though. She looks up, then, and there's a second's hesitation at the question.]

It's... mostly acting. They--um--they never... really approved. They said it's a good way to end up hungry. Both of them, I mean. [She glances to the side.] So when I became a Dreamer... they were really happy I decided to focus on that. They said there's more of a future there.

[The awkwardness, at least, does ease away. Shoulder to shoulder like that is nice, and--and then she leans a little against Lisa.

She smiles, then.]

No--I-I mean. She's not. But... I wouldn't listen if she told me to drop you.

[One eyebrow quirks.] Which, when you're standing next to a musician and in the apartment of two realtors who work on commission, is kind of ironic? Not like she knew that, but still. [Lisa shakes her head, being more gentle as Junna leans in.] Personally, I think that's too much - if you're making money but you're not happy, you'll just be rich and miserable, yeah? Sure, you like Dreaming too, but do what fulfills you, even if it means you're not buying a mansion down the street anytime soon.

[...which calls back to her own issues; she stills for a moment, before seeming to shake herself and draw a little strength from Junna's reassurance, even if she has to glance over again.]

I appreciate that. But... please don't get in a fight over me, if you can help it, either. I know I said that just now, but I don't want to ruin someone else's relationship with their parents.

Very ironic. [She hesitates for a second... then leans against Lisa, resting her head on her shoulder. She nods.] Yeah. I... well, I'm a perfectionist. So are they. They're just perfectionists about different things.

But... you're right. Even if I'm a Dreamer, I don't want to give this up. I just wish they understood. And that I wouldn't worry about what they think so much.

[There's a moment's pause, though. Lisa has a tough time with her parents, too. Junna is quiet, but she turns so she's facing her. Then her hands resting, a little tentatively, on Lisa's shoulders.]

...I'll try not to. I--ah--I haven't told them, yet...

[She bites her lip.] Your parents... I know you don't bring them up much. But, if you need to...

But the things you care about don't have to be the same ones they do. Do what makes you happiest. And if they can't see that...

[She trails off again, clearly unwilling to push that train of thought further. Junna coming around to face her makes that obvious from the slightly sour look on her face, but it also means she's got a decision to make herself.]

I haven't told my parents either. But not because I don't want to. I just... haven't talked to them much at all. I don't really see them. We communicate through, well-

[She gestures at a whiteboard on the wall by the door. Her parents' names are there noting a work gathering that will last until nearly midnight; Lisa's (with a quarter note drawn next to it) notes she'll be home early today but conspicuously doesn't mention company. There's another note about a stack of papers to go in the burnables when trash day rolls around, and a printout of Lisa's university schedule stuck to a corner with a magnet, presumably until they (and she) have memorized it. Lisa gives Junna a second to take it in before she sighs.]

The last time I really talked to them was after I ate another spike in the side in Hibiki-chan's Disturbance, and I woke up groaning in pain at one in the morning. And that conversation about Dreaming was a lot like the one you just had about acting, except the ibuprofen hadn't kicked in yet. That was almost two months ago.

Mm. I can do that. [There's a nod from Junna, then. Do what makes her happiest. It should be easy. She knows it doesn't come that easy. She sighs, a little, and her eyes shift to look at Lisa.

Maybe it's something to work on.

Instead she looks at the whiteboard. She notices the schedules -- the way of communicating -- and it dawns on her. Lisa and her parents must not see each other much. Her eyes widen for a second. Then, she nods her head again, and pulls back to look at her face more easily.]

That's... that's rough. They should support you better. If you want to be a Dreamer, they... shouldn't talk like that. And--and they should make a better effort, too. To talk to you.

I know I might be biased...

I know you can. Take it little by little, yeah? And if there's anything I can do for you, say the word. I'll be there.

[She's sure Junna can handle it. She's... she's strong. Moreso than Lisa feels some days. Particularly today, as it's going. She takes a breath, and tries to smile even as she feels like heart's in a vice. Junna talks to her parents about her future and isn't happy about it, and Lisa doesn't talk to her parents about much of anything (including her future) and isn't happy about it. What a mess.]

You are biased, but it doesn't make me any less happy. I... I want to talk to them more. But I don't think I can ask them to change. They've already put up with a lot from me, I don't want to push my luck. I'd...

[She's quiet a second. For that brief instant, any attempt at cheer falls off her face. Lisa just looks tired, and maybe a little frustrated, like she's just about ready to throw up her hands and give up. Like Junna is perhaps the only thing tethering her to this place, in this moment.

But she swallows her pride and puts her self-worth aside, and the (flimsy) smile is back.] We were talking before, about my finding a place to move out when I started college. Then Hanako-kun's Disturbance came around, and I had no desire to turn my life upside down, because it already was. But... I think it's time I gave that serious consideration again.

I will. I... guess it will be a work in progress.

[She looks at Lisa, smiling a little more when she says that she's biased. Junna nods, though. There's a look of understanding there. She wishes she could talk to her parents better.

It's not the same. But it's not wholly different, either.]

I... I get it. But--with me, and I think a lot of others... [She shifts to face Lisa. Then she leans in closer. It hurts to see that smile slip like that.] You're not a burden, okay?

[Then, Junna blinks. She starts to smile again herself. Lisa moving out, huh?]

I like the sound of that. It seems like a good move for you.

[At least she can make someone happy. That's... a good start. She knows she is important to people, but on days like this it's hard to feel that way.

But then Junna kindly, softly insists, and something softens, even as she feels a little, tiny crack somewhere inside her. Her smile crumbles into a messy, earnest, resolute expression.]

I... I'm trying to believe that, Junna. I'll- get there. It's just hard when I come home and- [She looks at the whiteboard again, before she leans forward a bit, resting her forehead on Junna's shoulder. Her frustration creeps back into her tone.] -and there's nothing. I feel like nothing I do matters, like every choice I've ever made is wrong. I know it isn't, I just-

[She cuts herself off. Junna knows... some of this, already. And besides that, Junna needs her, too. In the "so clearly my choices aren't all wrong" sense, but also in the "something went wrong a few minutes ago and I probably need to be worried about her and not myself" sense. Neither of which motivate her much to move from this position, even as she tries to gather herself.]

-yeah. I'm hoping so too. Somewhere I can have a roommate, or at least... someone I can talk to. [A hand tentatively reaches up to grab one of Junna's; if she looks up at her, she's going to cry, and she doesn't want to do that right now.] I know you're a phone call away, and I'm glad for that. I just don't want to be alone.

[It's funny, Junna thinks. How... she can feel better trying to be there for Lisa. Feel better getting to stay with her like this. She shifts -- makes it easier for Lisa to rest her head on her shoulder. And there's a little, slightly electric sigh at the feeling of Lisa's head on her shoulder and putting her arms around Lisa.

She shakes her head.] ...I get that. I'll feel like I always pick the wrong thing. Like I should have thought it through more, somehow, and it all went wrong. And... it doesn't go away easily. But please believe me when I say you're doing a lot that's right.

[She quiets a little, and her eyes look down at Lisa -- she sees that she's not meeting her eyes. But she takes her hand, her fingers squeezing.]

I know what you mean. Not living alone. But... [She leans her head down, resting against Lisa's.] ...you're not alone. I'm not alone.

[She wasn't kidding about needing recharge time; slowly, her tension eases, enough it's only noticeable if you're looking for it. She brings her free arm up to wrap around Junna, and her grip tightens on the other hand she's holding.]

I'm just so tired of being wrong. So... I'm just gonna cling to the couple of things I know I've done right. [She nuzzles in a little closer, soft smile slowly returning.] Or at least that feel right to me. And that means you're not getting rid of me anytime soon.

[She's quiet for a bit. But eventually she adds:]

Mm... make sure you keep me posted on your play, yeah? I wanna be there. No matter what.

[There's a small smile, when Lisa says that they're one of the things she did right. She squeezes her hand back, not minding that tighter grip in the least. She could use it too. She sighs, as Lisa nuzzles in closer.

That does a lot to make her feel better.]

I don't plan to. I need you, too. [She says it quietly, but there's a smile when she does. Then, she pulls back just-so-slightly, just enough so she can look Lisa in the eye easier. She wants to be there for the play. And... and it's a reminder that even if her parents aren't supporting that, there's people who will. Some, specifically, who will.

Her eyes widen, but then she nods.] ...I will. It'd mean a lot to me, if you're there.

[Hnn. It shouldn't feel this good for Junna to say that. She could stay like this all night and be totally happy, the warm fuzzies pushing everything else back. Junna's supposed to be her precious person, not her security blanket! And yet Lisa's having a hard time wanting to pull away.

Then Junna does, just a little, and she remembers she said something slightly important, looking back up with a smile.]

Even if we weren't, well... [She doesn't elaborate, not while they're already this close.] I'd have been there to support you. But I wouldn't miss it for the world, now. It's important to me. I... [Her cheeks heat.] I want you to be happy. I wanna cheer you on while you chase your dreams. So I'll be there.

[Junna keeps her eyes on Lisa even after she pulls back -- and she smiles, then she smiles more when she sees her flush. But what she says... well, that makes her quiet down. Some of what she could say ends up slipping away from her; she looks at Lisa, quietly stunned. And grateful -- infinitely grateful -- that, somehow, she came across Lisa. She always wanted to hear something like that.

To know someone is in her corner and supporting her dreams, instead of being troubled by them.

But there is more to it than that, too. Because it's beyond something she wanted from a family member or a friend. It means more because it is Lisa, and seeing her look at Junna like that... One thought goes through her head, unbidden:

She's so pretty.

And hearing that just makes her feel that all the more. Junna hesitates a moment, one hand shifting up until her fingers are on the back of Lisa's head. She tries to find words -- and can't -- and then she leans forward. Her heart's in her throat, by then. But she leans in for the kiss, still.]

[Normally all this stuff triggers Lisa's instinct to deflect, to reduce, to play herself down. But... not today. Today she's already shown her cards and exposed... most of her insecurities. So there's nowhere else for her mood to drop to. Just up. Aaaand up, as she sees the look on Junna's face, and knows that look is only for her. That she's done something right enough to keep Junna close and happy to stay there.

Aaaaaaand further up, as she feels the hand moving into her hair, and Junna leaning forward. She tenses for one single moment. This isn't something that's supposed to happen to someone like her. Is this okay? Does she deserve-

Her mind blanks, as Junna's lips capture hers. For that one blissful second, there's no judgement, no regret, and no self-recrimination. She can just be happy. Surprised, but over the moon, as she returns the kiss, even with her zero experience. She reaches forward to pull Junna in closer, holding her tight. She's... all over the place, really. But that's fine. She's okay. She's more okay than she's been in a while, and that's enough.

...well, assuming she remembers to come up for air. She hasn't quite remembered that part yet.]

[Junna feels relieved that it was the right thing to do -- and that nervousness quickly fades. Her arms come around Lisa when she gets pulled closer, and she holds onto her in turn too. She doesn't have any experience with this, but that helps too. She doesn't think she'd want anything to compare this to.

And she's happy to stay there for a long time, because it's not a moment that she wants to end any time soon. She stays there, holding onto Lisa and her heart racing.

Until, really, she has to come up for air.

She pulls back regretfully even so -- and one of her hands ends up on Lisa's cheek, then. She isn't sure when that happened. She smiles at her, and it's a little dazed. For now, it's easy to forget about her troubles, about the pressures on her, about everything else.]

...I can't wait to see where we go from that.

[Not that Lisa's likely to turn Junna down for much of anything at this point, but... she's content. Or, well. Not content. She'd happily keep going if she thought she could get away with it. But as Junna pulls back enough to take stock and let herself come down the from the high - Lisa needs it too, if she's being totally honest - she's not going to push. That hand on her cheek helps, too; she cants her head into it. It's still taking her a second to boot back up, at any rate.]

Me neither. You surprised me, but... I'm starting to like surprises again.

[.......there's also a certain thrill that she just had her first kiss with her girlfriend in her parents' kitchen with. No real guarantee they won't walk in at any given moment. She's pretty sure they're not coming home soon, but... having to answer that question right now would break her, and her face flushes beet red at the idea, her smile turning a little daring all the same.]

...some surprises. I might need to push moving out further up on the timetable.

[The dazed feeling isn't leaving, and Junna doesn't mind that at all. She runs her thumb across Lisa's cheek, still with a smile on her face. She looks around -- becoming aware they are in the kitchen, and she's not sure how alone they are in the grand sense of things. Then, her eyes are back on Lisa.

She catches her meaning.]

...I think I could help with research for that. For... more surprises. [She laughs a little -- then she inches closer to Lisa, looking at her with a thoughtful expression. Maybe they should slow things down, not risk getting in trouble, and talk a bit more.

Or, instead, she could say:] ...I am told that practice makes perfect. [And now she's getting redder in the face. But really, she doesn't want to think about her problems, and this is more than a distraction.]

[...the fear is strong but the resolve is crumbling under Junna's continued affection. Damn, but this girl knows how to rile her up... Her eyes shimmer as she tries to keep what composure she has left.]

I'll be counting on you, then... later. Right now, someone very important to me needs me for a little longer. [Lisa winks at her; she'd try to boop her nose but she has a very strong suspicion she'd miss. Probably on purpose.] The rest will wait.

[And she leans back in to kiss Junna again, reaching up to wrap her arms around the taller girl's neck. It's missing the immediacy and the tension of the first time, but that's okay. The intention, this time, is maybe even more important. For all her worries and her fears, this is important enough for Lisa to set it aside and just go for it. It took Junna going first, but she's happy to keep going.]

I can't believe I'm saying this, but work can wait. [The wink gets a laugh out of Junna. She leans in closer because her idea was read loud and clear. And besides. She does need Lisa right now. Hearing it just makes it more true.

Her arms wrap around Lisa's waist in turn. She kisses her back, and it's not with same nervousness and doubts as before, and that's fine with her. They earned this.]

November catch-all ♫

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