Lisa Imai ♫ (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
traceofeffort) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
yumemigaoka2024-11-10 04:00 pm
traceofeffort) wrote in yumemigaoka2024-11-10 04:00 pm
Entry tags:
November catch-all ♫
⭐ Who: Lisa and ticketed attendees- wait, no, she didn't issue tickets, it's just everyone.
⭐ When: November, perhaps with backdated stuff as needed?
⭐ Where: Around town! Maybe in the Dream Sphere too, we'll see where things take us.
⭐ What: A certain bassist has Some Things on her mind and may require distractions. She still hasn't entirely wound down from the last Disturbance, but there are some... other issues also cropping up.
⭐ Warnings: Lisa-typical spirals, though it might be a bit worse than usual this month... Otherwise check headers, but should be fine.
⭐ When: November, perhaps with backdated stuff as needed?
⭐ Where: Around town! Maybe in the Dream Sphere too, we'll see where things take us.
⭐ What: A certain bassist has Some Things on her mind and may require distractions. She still hasn't entirely wound down from the last Disturbance, but there are some... other issues also cropping up.
⭐ Warnings: Lisa-typical spirals, though it might be a bit worse than usual this month... Otherwise check headers, but should be fine.
no subject
Then she keeps going, and Lisa feels the accusation slam into her like a truck, swaying back like there's physical force to it. What... did she hear that right? Illya thinks she.....?]
T-there's. There's no way. Me? You...? Do you really-?
[All of the pep has drained back out of her voice along with the blood from her face, leaving her timid again. Uncertain, tense. Was that... really so strange of a statement?]
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[ Give her a second. Illya got so in her feelings there that it takes a moment for the odd reaction on the other's end to register with her. There's still some of the sadness in her eyes, but it's mixed in with confusion now. ]
Um.. [ In fact, Lisa's reaction seems so strange to Illya that the girl doesn't even seem to realize at first just what Lisa is trying to say here.. She blinks at her in confusion. ]
Do I really.. what..?
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I'm... I don't know if I'm likeable like that. I didn't have friends all through middle school and into high school. I've been working so hard these last couple years, and I'm finally getting there... but sometimes I wonder if it's because I'm pushing myself until I break down and people feel sorry for me. I'm pretty sure Amane-kun only talked to me in the first place because I was a total wreck the first few times he met me and he was worried. It wasn't a Mentorship on paper, but he had to teach me how to be a Dreamer too, you know.
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Granted, it still makes her look a little confused as she looks up at the other girl, but it's for different reasons entirely. ]
What part about you do you think isn't likeable?
[ Sure, there's a lot of other things Lisa is saying here, but-- As far as Illya can hear, she isn't hearing any direct answers to that question just yet! And the idea of Lisa being likeable in her head is so strong that she truly can't see how the other's answer could change that impression so far. ]
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How much time do you have to listen?
[But Lisa catches herself; that's way too heavy a response, and she flinches. Illya doesn't deserve that, but also Lisa doesn't deserve that. She's got to get better at keeping her mental health and tendencies in mind. With a heavy sigh, she shakes her head.]
No, that's. That's not fair. I'm sorry. Um. I... I feel like it's a lot of little things, but they add up to a lot? I'm not submissive... let's say agreeable enough. I never know what trends are. I only really know how to bake sweets well. I stand out too much. I talk too much. I try way too hard. I don't know when to leave things alone. I get depressed too easily. I'm not a very strong Dreamer. I'm too much of a goody-goody. I keep letting my friends down...
[Rattled off calmly, if dully, like a shopping list. Each thing makes her jump lightly, like the metaphorical stab of each condemnation comes with physical pain; maybe it does, if the darkening look in her eyes is an indication.]
...I hide behind my Good, Popular Girl mask because I don't remember how to just be me, sometimes. Just me is hard to be around sometimes, too. Junna is... helping. So are Ai-senpai, and Hibiki-chan, and everyone, but it's still... kinda hard.
no subject
[ Illya starts slowly. Carefully. It's A Lot being thrown at her here, and though she does know what to say to it - or rather, she does know what she thinks about it - it feels like a lot to just offer her own opinion in return to that? What if Lisa will get mad at her?
It feels like there's a big chance the other girl will get mad. But Illya doesn't want to lie and say she thinks Lisa really is that terrible. That would feel even worse.
So--
She swallows, gathering her courage. ]
I really think you're overthinking it. Has anyone else ever told you any of those things..? [ Surely not any of the people Lisa is listing right now. Illya thinks all of them are so super nice, and the faults Lisa is listing don't even feel real when it's nothing Illya has noticed about the older girl. ]
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[Her expression is dark. In a very real sense, waking from her Nightmare was only the beginning for Lisa, and she's still recovering from the trauma even now. It's a heavy burden, let alone a burden to drop on someone else. She doesn't even want to drop this on Junna, although that's... her being scared of what Junna will think about her, more than anything else. But... she can't hide this when Illya's dragging it into the light. She won't keep hiding.]
I might... be overthinking it a little. But this... this is the reason I have my Sandglass in the first place. I couldn't handle it. It... messes me up, makes me jumpy. I don't trust people right away, and I have a hard time opening up. [A tiny, self-deprecating smile.] Not that I need to tell you that, yeah?
no subject
That.. is bad. Really bad. It's not like Illya has a ton of friends either at school, but it's not like she's ever really picked on either. It's more like there's a distance between herself and the other people - but she thinks she doesn't mind that, compared to what Lisa is saying here. She can't even imagine enduring people saying that stuff to you, let alone a whole class..
She blinks, her eyes a little watery. Just because she's feeling that bad for the other, as empathetic as Illya is, and too young to hold that feeling in. ]
That's.. [ She shakes her head. ] They're-- They're wrong, Lisa-san. They're mean! How can all of them together pick on just one person?
[ It's so rude. Illya could never! ]
I understand feeling bad because of that, and-- um, I also understand it making it difficult to trust other people, and stuff like that, but.. you have to know I definitely think they're super wrong!
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[She trails off again for a second as Illya passionately declares her opinion. It's... perhaps not surprising, but the strength of the denial definitely is a surprise. Illya really feels that strongly about it? About her? It's... that's weird. But- who is she to tell someone else how to feel? That's... that's not how that works. Can she accept it, though? That's not entirely her decision either - if it's what Illya thinks, it's how it's going to be, right? So Lisa takes a deep breath, and tries to smile. It's... faint, a little lopsided. But it's honest.]
That's a bold statement, Illya-chan. I appreciate it, but... are you sure? That's a lot of faith you're putting in me.
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Something like-- ]
Why shouldn't I?
[ It's said so plainly that the young girl really must be thinking this way. Else she would have thought more about it. ]
You've always helped me, Lisa-san. Wouldn't it then be really mean of me to have no faith in you?
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[It comes out just as fast, but she visibly cuts herself off. Illya is honest to a fault, so this... this has to be how she feels, right? So Lisa... starts to unwind, slowly.]
That's super mean of me, I'm sorry. I just... like I said. Um. [She cuts off for a second before shaking her head, a more honest smile coming out.] Thank you. Really. I know I'm being really extra right now, but I'm happy to hear you say that.
no subject
[ She huffs a little bit. Not that she thinks Lisa is the mean person here, despite what the other is saying about herself. No, the thing Illya is instead contrasting herself with are all those other people Lisa spoke of.
They were clearly mean for doing what they did to someone like Lisa. Illya feels so strongly about it that she's even doing the impossible - practically having given herself a compliment just now. Gasp. ]
So make sure to remember that, Lisa-san! Especially if you feel bad! There are people who believe in you now! If hearing that makes you feel happy, then just-- um, just ask me to say it whenever! I will!