yumemigaoka | Theater Kid's March Comes in Like a Lion

Y...yeah. That sounds like me. Starting everything and barely keeping up, and--and hiding behind how busy I am. I'd... get up at six in the morning, you know. To go jogging, first thing, and say it was to keep in shape. Except it was to stay busy, so I didn't have to think too hard about it. [She looks down, too, and there's a slight laugh. There's not much mirth in it, though.] I really am an actress, even towards myself.

[She looks up, though, and she listens as Lisa explains. She's quiet for a second, but -- on the question of whether Junna understands that she's still got accomplishments, on the question of whether she can balance things, and on the question of what happened. She overextended herself. It's something that Lisa has done; that a lot of people do. And, slowly, Junna nods her head.]

...I know. I know my work means something. And I... I don't want to give any of those up, Lisa. I know I need to... learn to not overextend. To ask for help. To share my burdens with you and the others.

[She's quiet, though, for a second. There's the question of her parents -- of the fact that there could be a wedge driven between Junna and her parents. She looks to the side, and it might be the wrong thing to do; like she's about to give Lisa bad news and doesn't want to look her in the eye. But there's a bigger question, and Junna sees the vulnerable look on her girlfriend's face. She realizes, then, this question is bigger than the one she first asked.

She looks back at Lisa. She blinks; a couple stray tears roll down her cheeks, and then she reaches out, and takes Lisa's hand in both of hers.]

...If they make me choose, it's-- [She swallows, then her voice is stronger. Firmer.] It's you, Lisa. I love you. And... I can't deny who I am for them anymore. It almost destroyed me once. I don't want it to again.

[there's a guy, with a mop of hair that looks like he literally just rolled out of bed and into the library, muttering quietly about throwing out previous drafts and the occasional frustrated "why am I like this?". Eventually, he drifts over to the drinks table, lured in by the smell of coffee...]

Hm?

[... He really does look a little like death warmed over, dark shadows under his eyes and the sort of deep exhaustion that comes from multiple all-nighters. At least, that's probably the reason why it takes Olruggio a moment to recognize Junna]

Ah. Junna. [...] Did they give you the okay to walk around?

[ Oh dear, Junna. It would be presumptuous for Jeannette to say she knows what the other girl is feeling, but she does not need the particulars for her heart to ache.

Having intended to take a walk herself, Jeannette has a water bottle with her but has not yet drunk from it. So when she sees Junna on the bench, she comes up and offers it. ]

Um....

[ Her bangs are pulled back and there's a cross made of ashes smudged on her forehead, but that....sure is Jeannette. Commander of the Armies(?). ]

You may have this, if you like.

[ SHE WANTS TO GIVE YOU A HUG SO BADLY, ARE YOU IN THE MARKET FOR HUGS, PLEASE GIVE AN INDICATION OF YOUR HUGGABILITY STATUS ]

[It takes Junna a second to recognize Olruggio, too. For one, she most recently saw him in his Dreamer form. For another, she wasn't at his best then. And for another... well, the all nighter look actually catches her by surprise. There's a slow blink.

Then, recognition sets in. There's a few other emotions right after, even weeks later. It's hard to not go back to the Disturbance, mentally. But... she remembers what Zeke said, what her therapist said, and then takes a deep breath and smiles.]

Hi, Olruggio-san. They said it's a good idea to get out some. No Dream Sphere yet, though.

[There's a moment of hesitation though. She looks more serious then.]

Thank you. And... I'm sorry.

[Junna looks up and blinks when Jeanette comes up with a water bottle. She takes it, with a grateful nod. It takes her a second for her brain to catch up, and then... then she's realizing she isn't sure what to say.]

Th-thank you. For the water. And... [She hesitates, breaking eye contact. It's hard for her to say, but she knows she can't just dodge the issue.] And for saving me.

And I'm sorry. For... for everything.

[Yes. Yes, she needs a hug.]

[ Jeannette shakes her head, and moves in for that hug. It's every bit as warm, gentle, yet firm as her Courage Bataille ability. ]

You have done nothing wrong. Everyone worries....everyone wishes to do their best. It is the Disturbance that is wrong, for taking advantage of your hurt heart.....

[ HUG INTENSIFIES. ]

Thank you for letting us help.

Edited 2025-03-06 14:51 (UTC)

[Junna is surprised for just a moment. But then she hugs Jeanette back, and it surprises her how much she needed a good hug. She's struggling to keep her composure when she speaks. It's only kind of working.]

It's hard to feel like I didn't mess up, somehow. I know the Disturbance made it worse, or--or preyed on it, like you said.

[She sighs.] ...Forgiving myself is hard, still.

Because you are very kind.

[ The hug will continue until morale improves. ]

There is no shame in that, either.

If you want someone to keep you from brooding too much on your runs, I can come with you? I probably need to get more exercise anyway. Um, you might need to take it slow at first for me, though... [She shakes her head.] But I'll help you keep up with as much as you want to keep doing.

[And then she's waiting on the edge of her seat for Junna to consider how they go forward as... well, as them. As two in harmony, instead of friends having a casual night out. She's watching Junna, her mind reading into every motion and every expression. And for that one horrible moment, she's certain Junna is going to choose to try and find a middle ground, and make them both miserable down the road when her parents inevitably decide Lisa is nothing more than a distraction for their daughter. Her heart sinks. But... she'll wait. She can't let herself spiral before she even actually knows the answer, no matter what she thinks it is. She sure looks like she's about ready to burst into tears (again) at a moment's notice, though.

Then she sees Junna turn back to her, and reach out for her. And she dares to hope, while she listens... and she finally loses her composure, when she hears the decision. She breaks down into ugly tears, bending forward and sobbing, head bent over their joined hands. She shakes her head frantically for a second, understanding she's probably freaking Junna right out, but she can't get words out right now. For the better part of a minute, she's just inconsolable, her overtaxed emotions finally finding a crack to bleed off. Eventually, she manages-]

S-sorry! I'm- I'm happy, I am! I just- I was s-so scared, and I... [Nothing again for a moment.] It's been a l-long month, you know!? Just- just give me a minute!

[Ah, yes, good, she can add being mortified to the list of issues she's having. Junna's supposed to be the one mildly freaking out and making hard decisions! She's just supposed to be the supportive person there to help her think and maybe give her a hug in times of need! Why is she getting emotional!? Or, well, she knows why, but why now!?]

K-Kind? [That surprises her. But with everything going on... she's thought a lot of things about herself. She didn't think of herself as kind.]

I didn't let you down? When we shoveled ice, I acted like I had everything together. But...

[That's obviously not true.]

Sure... [The offer comes as a surprise to Junna. She smiles, though. It'd be nice to have a jogging partner in the morning. Especially if that partner is Lisa.] I'd love to have you along.

[That feels so small compared to what happens next, though.

Junna can see how nervous -- how fragile -- Lisa is. She's worried throughout about saying the wrong thing, even if this is a situation where they're saying what they need to say and not what the other wants to hear them say. But when Lisa starts sobbing, head bowed over their joined hands, Junna sucks in a gasp. There's a sudden, sharp shock of fear that runs through her.

She might not want to get between Junna and her parents. It might be assuming too much of Junna's parents, who don't even know. It might be more than Lisa can deal with right now. There's a lot of reasons that it might be too much. And Junna feels worry building, that maybe things aren't going to work out and maybe--

Then Lisa manages to talk. And Junna blinks her eyes again and lets out a breath she didn't know she was holding.]

I-I know. It was a really long month. It's okay, Lisa... it's okay. I-I, um... [She stops herself from apologizing. Instead, she gently tugs on Lisa's hands and tries to pull her over to sit with her on the bed -- and where she can hug her.

Tightly. She needs it too.]

Edited 2025-03-06 22:23 (UTC)

You bore a great burden, but stopped to help. And even now, you worry for others.

[ Pat pat pat. She is now patting your back. It's okay. It's okay. ]

If that is not kind, nothing is!

I--but... the trouble that burden caused. The way I held onto it, until others had to carry it.

[She hugs that much tighter. And she sniffles, too.]

The fright I gave everyone who cares about me. It's hard to think that's kind.

[Is it okay, though? Lisa hears that gasp, feels the jolt between them. Understands that she can't keep doing this to Junna, this is exactly why she wasn't going to bother her earlier. She's... slowly coming down from the adrenaline high, able to find her breath (shakily) and her voice again, but she feels wrung out all over again.

Thus, she doesn't resist when Junna tugs her over to join her, or pulls her hands free. Lisa is intimately aware her girlfriend is presently much, much more put together than she is, and is more than happy to submit to her decisions right now; she doesn't trust herself to decide what to eat for dinner... which she might have missed in her depressed funk, oops. Just more proof she's a total and utter mess.

So when Junna's arms wrap around her, she freezes. She'd been busy beating herself up for everything, but... it's not just about her, is it? Junna's here now because she needs her. Whatever Lisa thinks of herself (Nobody ever has! rings in her head before she shoves it into a garbage chute, not quite fast enough to ignore it), Junna chose her, again, and she needs... needs to honor that. Needs to step up and be present. Needs to get over herself. One person believes in her. Someday, maybe she can raise that number. But right now... one is enough.

Slowly, tentatively, she brings her own arms around Junna. She's been dreaming of this for three weeks, now, returning to the comfortable place she's been missing, and she starts to relax almost immediately. She... needed this. Badly. Lisa's shaking slows and then stops, and while her breathing is still erratic, she's... better, after a moment to attune. So she can focus on the things she needs to say, instead of focusing on her own inadequate self.]

It's not okay. I'm not okay. I don't know... if I've been okay in a long time. And I hate it. [Her voice is muffled where she's snuggling into Junna's shoulder, too short to nestle into her neck and hating it in this specific moment.] But right now, I'm home. [The tips of her ears turn pink.] I missed you. I missed you so much. I couldn't stand it.

[ Pat. Pat. May she stroke the back of your head? Junna has started to sound like Angel-sama, who once apologized for telling Jeannette she could be a commander. It makes Jeannette's heart ache. ]

Those worries are your kindness.

[ Unkind people don't fret about being unkind. QED! ]

Probably for the best. You went through a lot in there.

[a yawn, though he tries to cut it short when she apologizes. With a slightly annoyed tone;] Why are you apologizing?

[he rubs the bridge of his nose then holds up a hand in a 'stop' gesture]

Let me grab a coffee first, then we'll talk about this.

[the look of "I don't get paid for this" on his face as he shuffles over to grab a black coffee...]

[Keiwa can't afford a good bunch of things in Tsubaki Department store, but he's always looking for discounts. You never know when a deal might strike, after all! He's here just after the main announcement goes out, drawn in by the crowds of people and the angry whispering sweeping like a wave across the floor]

...?

[then he hears a familiar voice]

Eh? Junna-san? [he scoots over so he's not in the way of the main thoroughfare] What- I missed it, what happened?

[coming in halfway, the only thing Keiwa knows for sure is that this was something to do with Ai... If the photos of her on the news broadcast were any indication]

...I know. I'm not okay, either. But you're who I want. I want you on our good days... and our bad ones. [She says it quietly, one hand running through Lisa's hair.

She keeps her arms around Lisa, and then she leans her head down. Her face buries into Lisa's neck -- and her hair, too, and she sighs softly. It's warm, it's comfortable, and it's sensations she didn't forget but that felt so distant when she was trapped inside of the Disturbance. Like a warmth she would never be able to find again. Her arms hold Lisa, though there's a tremble.

She closes her eyes, and she enjoys the feeling of just holding Lisa for a second. And being held, herself. But she doesn't stay quiet, even if her voice is muffled too.]

I missed you too. [She says it quietly, and there's memories of the Disturbance coming back.] I just... just wanted to see you again. I was scared over--over all these stupid things. But even at the worst of it, I knew... I wanted to be with you again. Be in your arms again.

[She breathes in, face still buried against Lisa's neck.] I'm home, too. With... with you.

I...

[Having her hair stroked... actually, that does a lot. Junna relaxes a little. Then, there's a tiny laugh. It's a little muted, a little hesitant. But...

It helps.]

...It's hard to disagree with you, Jeanette-chan.

I'm taking their advice on that. [She nods at him, and then she looks at him -- her eyes widening a little at the 'stop' gesture. She didn't quite expect that, but--

Well...]

R-Right. Coffee might be good. [She has her tea, after all. She has a sip, while she waits.

Which gives her a moment to think of why she apologized.]

Keiwa-san! [She sounds alarmed, but--well, it's not like before.

No, it's what's on the television. A photograph of Ai, while the newscaster is going into the uncovered truth about her family.

Junna frowns.] Are... are you seeing this? What they're saying about Ai-san? [She keeps her voice hushed, so they're not overheard.]

Mm... [The feeling of being held, of having her hair stroked, does so much more to relax her than literally anything else. She'd thought La Pucelle had bottled that sensation, but there's definitely no substitute for the real thing.] I want... more good days. I'm tired of everything falling apart around us. But I want you with me for all of it, no matter what.

[She could fall asleep like this. Probably should, she's. Had a lot of rough nights. But not right now. Right now, someone else needs her more. Even if she doesn't take this chance to make sure everything's clear between them, she needs to at least do more. She can feel that much in the hand atop her head. Her arms tighten around Junna; she's careful not to squeeze too hard, but. If she walked here, she's cleared for a proper embrace.]

I'll make sure we don't have to be apart again. And you can stay right here, as long as you like. [Forever, she tries to add, but the word won't come; she can't- can't promise that right now. Still... she can't ask for more, either.] Welcome home, Junna.

Me too. [Junna's quiet for a second. She'd like life to not throw them a curveball constantly. But... but, they can get through this, she tells herself. And she knows what she needs to do. Lean on people more; share what she's feeling; not try to carry every load and every burden by herself. That can help Lisa, too, she reminds herself.

There is a moment of hesitation, though, when she feels Lisa hug her -- and, frankly, she isn't injured physically. It's the irony of a Disturbance, she supposes. Her arms slide down to hold Lisa, gently, and she smiles after that. Welcome home...

That feels nice. No, it feels perfect.] ...thanks, Lisa. I needed to hear that. I needed... this.

[A reminder that she has some place she belongs. She considers, though, what Lisa says. As long as she likes. She hugs Lisa back, but then she pulls back a little to look at Lisa and meet her eyes. She doesn't want to have any miscommunication.]

...how, um... [Her face reddens a little.] ...How long do you want me to stay?

I missed the first part...

[but he's frowning now too, as he reads the news scrolling at the bottom of the screen and starts paying attention to what the anchor was saying]

[worried;] Why would something like this be on the news? It's her private life...

[Keiwa doesn't keep up with idols or much in terms of entertainment news. For better or for worse, the craziness of the idol culture is something he only experiences second hand via his sister.

[paper cup with coffee in hand - it's a testament to the people at the book fair that Olruggio's gruff 'thanks' doesn't even cause them to bat an eye - he steps over to make his drink palatable by adding a dash of cream and probably too much sugar. He's not even bothering to hide it, he just wants the sugar and caffeine.

Sipping on the sweet concoction, Olruggio looks a little more revitalized when he shuffles back]

Right. [sip... Then he pauses with the cup raised for a second... Then two... ~~Did he forget what they were talking about?~~] Where were we?

[yup]

Theater Kid's March Comes in Like a Lion

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