[Lisa would tell Junna the same thing, cribbed both from her own therapist and their collective friends: healing has to come at its, and your, own pace. There's no magic spell for pulling your heart back together. She knows that, she feels like she lives it. Junna needing to learn that lesson too... hurts in concept, but it's a fact of life. Lisa hasn't fully internalized it herself, as evidenced by most of this conversation. But... holding her problems inside her hasn't helped her for nineteen years, either, so here she is. Here they are, again.
It's why she bothered to get her insecurities from a week ago into words. Even if it hurts. Even if it makes her feel even more like she's weighing Junna down. Like she's... not what Junna needs. Which is, apparently, not a sentiment Junna herself shares. Junna ever only gets really quiet and patient like this when Lisa does something... really stupid. Really, monumentally, catastrophically stupid. Which this kinda was! But the reminder still hurts. And yet... she looks at Junna. Her gaze is uncertain, darting, but she does her best to listen and look. She'd said that before, earlier tonight. Lisa is... more than just the darkest moments. More than the things she says to herself when she's feeling the strain, feeling like she's screwed up for the millionth time, feeling like she's hitting rock bottom and the only place left to go is to be swallowed by the Earth's core. It's... okay to be scared... she doesn't want to be scared, though! She wants to be happy! She wants to be confident when she does things, says things, has feelings, thinks about anything at all! It's so frustrating...!
She wants to believe. More than anything, when Junna tells her it's okay, she wants to sink into that feeling and let herself agree. When she's told there's nobody else she trusts... she wants to be worthy of that trust. The feeling of her hand on Junna's cheek, warm and inviting... for a long moment, she's torn. Does. Does she pull away? Keep her instincts from doing something something rash? Lean into it and ask to be forgiven for needing her to reassure her stupid self again?]
I'm... I'm sorry. I'm sorry I'm like this. [She bows her head, unable to keep looking at Junna, tone soft but strained. She doesn't have tears to cry right now, but boy, she feels like she needs another good cry already.] I still- I still want to. I still need to. I want... to hold you tight and never let go. I-is- is that okay?
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It's why she bothered to get her insecurities from a week ago into words. Even if it hurts. Even if it makes her feel even more like she's weighing Junna down. Like she's... not what Junna needs. Which is, apparently, not a sentiment Junna herself shares. Junna ever only gets really quiet and patient like this when Lisa does something... really stupid. Really, monumentally, catastrophically stupid. Which this kinda was! But the reminder still hurts. And yet... she looks at Junna. Her gaze is uncertain, darting, but she does her best to listen and look. She'd said that before, earlier tonight. Lisa is... more than just the darkest moments. More than the things she says to herself when she's feeling the strain, feeling like she's screwed up for the millionth time, feeling like she's hitting rock bottom and the only place left to go is to be swallowed by the Earth's core. It's... okay to be scared... she doesn't want to be scared, though! She wants to be happy! She wants to be confident when she does things, says things, has feelings, thinks about anything at all! It's so frustrating...!
She wants to believe. More than anything, when Junna tells her it's okay, she wants to sink into that feeling and let herself agree. When she's told there's nobody else she trusts... she wants to be worthy of that trust. The feeling of her hand on Junna's cheek, warm and inviting... for a long moment, she's torn. Does. Does she pull away? Keep her instincts from doing something something rash? Lean into it and ask to be forgiven for needing her to reassure her stupid self again?]
I'm... I'm sorry. I'm sorry I'm like this. [She bows her head, unable to keep looking at Junna, tone soft but strained. She doesn't have tears to cry right now, but boy, she feels like she needs another good cry already.] I still- I still want to. I still need to. I want... to hold you tight and never let go. I-is- is that okay?