yumemigaoka | April catch-all ♫

Entry tags:

lisa imai

April catch-all ♫

⭐ Who: Lisa and you! Yeah, you, I see you on your phone over there, come on, sing along! Junna will be along for at least one of these, I expect, You'll Know.
⭐ When: All through April! Especially earlier in the month, though.
⭐ Where: Asagi Public Library, DU HQ, Tsubaki Department Store, the park, and probably other places too
⭐ What: After last month's roller coaster of emotions, Lisa's doing her best to keep her head and embrace her vision for the future, with everything preparing for adult life entails. She's also got some slightly esoteric shopping to do.
⭐ Warnings: Early in the month, nothing, for once! Tooth-rotting fluff, perhaps. Later in the month, Lisa will be somewhat less cheery for Obvious Reasons.

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[Junna looks at Lisa, watching her carefully. It's borderline dangerous -- she isn't watching where she's going, to try to keep a close eye on her girlfriend. Her hand squeezes again as she walks. Her heart is in her throat; her worry for Ai and her worry for Lisa are getting all mixed together. But Lisa's admission gives her pause.

She stops walking.

Then she pulls her into a tight hug. She doesn't have anything she can say to that, immediately. She isn't sure if she is ready. She can't make it so Lisa will be ready; even worse, she can't make it so the guilt of not going in again would go away. She knows it might be much worse to sit this one out.

It's like Junna told Lisa: not knowing can be so, so much worse.

To say nothing of not being there when Ai needs them.

But what she can do is stop for a second, pull Lisa into a tight hug, and make it so they don't have to rush off the cliff when everything is falling apart.]

[Just. Just keep moving. Yeah, she said something that's dangerous, that she probably shouldn't think about, but that's not important now, only to warn Junna what she's in for and explain why she can't stop, gotta-

Junna stops, hand still in hers. Lisa orders her feet to move, heartbeat pulsing in her ears, eyes darting back and forth, looking for the bus she knows isn't coming after the earthquake just minutes ago, plus whatever happened to Ai. She has to keep going. Has to move, or it's- it's-

She should have expected the hug. Should have expected something. She'd asked that they keep each other apprised of their mental states specifically so something like this could be addressed, and yet... it comes out of left field and surprises her, enough that she completely freezes, train of thought ceasing. And when the litany of reminders not to stop, itself stops-

the panic and the fear and the anger set in.]

Yours almost broke me. You're so, so important to me, but... she was my light. She kept me going for so long... [Her voice is hollow, terrified, whisper quiet in the city not quite as full of background noise.] I don't know what to do without her there. I don't know if I can be responsible for going after her. I don't... know if I'm ready to know what's in Senpai's heart.

[Through the litany, the words to keep her from screaming as much as to try and explain to Junna who must be really freaked out right now again, her eyes stare straight into nothing, her arms limp. She's... doing her best to keep from tipping over the edge but it's not going well.]

[Junna wishes she could say she knew it was the right thing to do. She can't. She second guesses herself immediately, wondering if she should have waited until they're somewhere else. But it's too late to think about that now. It's done, and Lisa is on the verge of falling apart in her arms. She keeps those arms around her, looking at Lisa.

Even though she's staring straight ahead at nothing. The pain in her voice and on her face make Junna swallow, nervously.]

Lisa... I'm sorry.

[It's not fair that she has to be threatened with losing Ai. It's not fair that she has to face learning the things that Ai would rather have kept to herself. In the face of that, what can Junna possibly say or do? What can she do for Lisa? She struggles to find the words for a moment. But...

Lisa needs her. She can do this.] It isn't fair. And it isn't right, to have to face it like this. But... senpai will still be your light, whatever you find in there. As terrible as it is now, there's going to be an after. There was for me, right?

[It's not a good place. There is no good place. There's no good time. She knows that, knows better, but sometimes... sometimes Lisa just can't keep the faith any longer. Not for lack of trying. But as her hands slowly ball into still-shaking fists, some life comes back into her tone. Maybe not... the desired kind of life, though.]

It's not fair. None of this is ever fair! Wh-why is this happening!? I- I want to find Crimson and shake answers out of her! I shouldn't have to find out Senpai's secrets like this! I shouldn't have had to find out your secrets like this! We should have gone on more dates and opened up and- and-!

[She sobs, once, choking it back.]

She'll always be my l-light. But I hate this! There sh-shouldn't have to be an after! I- I trust her, but all this just- just gives me doubts! I don't want doubts!

[Maybe it's better that Lisa can get it out now. Junna hates that it's in public like this. She hates that it has to happen at all. But maybe it's better that Lisa didn't have to keep it inside, if it had to happen.

Her arms stay around her girlfriend. Junna leans her head down, by Lisa's. When she talks, her voice is strained. It's hard to hear Lisa cry and not start to choke up herself.]

I know. It's not fair. It's not. [She bites her lip.] But... but we can try to make it more fair, can't we? And we can do our best with what happens, and find the good that can come out of it, right?

[She gently puts a hand on Lisa's cheek, lifting her chin to look into her eyes.]

It's not fair but we'll make it more fair.

[Even through her own tears, she can hear she's setting off Junna. She- she doesn't want that. Not that she can stop herself when she's like this, but... she has to try harder. What a mess she is...

...that's not productive. She'll have plenty of time to be depressed later. Right now... well, right now Junna's trying to help her and she needs to. Try and tune back in.]

We'll... we'll make it fair. Somehow or other. W-we have to. It's... it has to be okay. It has to, right? [The words are as much for her as for Junna.] I- I don't know what good can come of a Disturbance, other than what happens after, but... but there has to be something right? There. There has to.

[Her eyes are still wild as Junna looks into them, even if she's... coming down from the worst of it.]

[Junna does her best to take a deep, steadying breath. The same as her therapist taught her, for moments when it feels like too much. It helps, but it isn't everything. She keeps her arms around Lisa, looking at her. She can see her trying.

There's a little flash of guilt despite herself. Was she enough, then? Did she just make it worse for her?

There's a nod, though, to Lisa's question.] Good can come from it. It--it helped me realize things about myself. Things I might not have learned otherwise. And it brought me even closer to you.

It doesn't mean that it's not awful or unfair. But, it...

[She places her hands on Lisa's shoulders.] ...It was hard, but I'd never give it up. It's the path I walked, and it's the path that led me to you. And led me to myself.

It can be like that for her, too.

I don't know... if I'm the person that should be getting closer to Senpai. It feels. It feels wrong to do it like this. But... I have to try, right? If- if we're going to help her.

[Lisa takes a breath, and lets it out in a slow, shuddering huff.]

I'm a little afraid of... what kind of realization will be waiting. When we get to the depths. She might need it, but it might- [another breath, this one shorter and sharper-] be something that breaks how we see her. Still...

[She still looks miserable. Looking up at Junna, she's pretty sure she's made her miserable too, which. Isn't helping either of them, and she can throw feeling bad about it onto the pile with everything else going wrong today. But her eyes are clearing, determination starting to work its way into her voice.]

I want to help Senpai. I have to help her. Even... even if it hurts. Hurts me, or hurts her. Probably- probably both, just like last time. It... it doesn't stop what needs to be done. Yeah?

Yeah. We... we can't pick a different outcome, where this never happened. [Junna's hands still rest on Lisa's shoulders, and she looks at her -- her expression is still intense. She hesitates to see how Lisa looks so miserable.

But, it's something they have to push it back.] Maybe. But... we just have to have faith that she's still the same person we care about. Even if there's more to her, it doesn't mean that all of that goes away.

[There's a nod, then.] Yeah. We'll do what we have to, and--and we'll be there for each other, whatever happens. To pick each other up. And keep moving.

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April catch-all ♫

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