Junna Hoshimi ⭐ 星見 純那 (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
thestarknows) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
yumemigaoka2025-03-04 05:18 pm
thestarknows) wrote in yumemigaoka2025-03-04 05:18 pm
Theater Kid's March Comes in Like a Lion
⭐ Who: Junna Hoshimi... and you!
⭐ When: Throughout March!
⭐ Where: In Yumemigaoka!
⭐ What: March catch-all!
⭐ Warnings: Junna's grappling with some heavy stuff, so... threads could get into parents not being great, some homophobia, and other things. There's also some implicit sleeping together (nothing NSFW though) in the Lisa and Junna thread, if that's a thing you prefer to avoid!
⭐ When: Throughout March!
⭐ Where: In Yumemigaoka!
⭐ What: March catch-all!
⭐ Warnings: Junna's grappling with some heavy stuff, so... threads could get into parents not being great, some homophobia, and other things. There's also some implicit sleeping together (nothing NSFW though) in the Lisa and Junna thread, if that's a thing you prefer to avoid!
Evening of 3/5 | Closed to Lisa
The truth is that she's terrified.
She wondered if she ruined her relationships with a lot of people. If Amane will forgive her for not telling him what she was going through. If Keiwa will feel like she lied. If Ilya will think she was faking the times she sounded competent. If Jeanette, Zeke, Nene, and Olruggio will be unhappy with her for what she put them through. And with Lisa, she wonders all of that and more; if her problems, her issues, all of it together will have driven her away and if she hurt her by hiding it.
The desire to clear that up wins out over everything else. But under that, she wants to see her. She always feels better when she does -- even if the thought she might lose that, lose Lisa, is tying her in knots inside.
She comes up to her apartment, and she hesitates over the buzzer to Karen's and Lisa's apartment. Junna's finger is outstretched, hovering there. She doesn't look half as pretty -- at least, in her head -- as she usually does when she shows up at Lisa's place. Her hair is pulled into a loose ponytail; she has a well-worn pink hoodie over a light blue T-shirt on, and loose fitting jeans; she doesn't have any make-up, jewelry, or anything else on. Junna hesitates a second, closes her eyes...
...exhales...
...and presses the button.]
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That's been really hard after the way her last two weeks have been.
Physically removing Junna from the Disturbance, even if she didn't end up doing it herself, took a big load off her mind. But it didn't take care of the other things. She still hasn't talked to Hibiki or Nikki since the things she did to them - or more accurately, the things they did to her, as outclassed as she was. The last memory she has with Jeannette is the girl diving into the depths after taking charge of Lisa's wish (and even leaving her a parting shot in the arm), not counting... whatever the hell that e-mail was. And Zeke... she really needs to apologize to, and thank, and maybe ask to intern with.
But she's going to go crazy if she doesn't at least talk to Junna soon.
For the fourth time today, restless, she goes back to her bedroom for her phone, standing from where she's mindlessly watching a nearly-silent TV in Karen's living room - presently another story about the Disturbance and what the Dreamer Union is doing to this nation; there's footage of Director Yoshino on the screen - in a comfortable, worn black T-shirt red plaid flannel pants, and fuzzy socks; her hair's loose behind her back, not having the social energy built back up to go out for it to matter. And for the fourth time, just clearing her door and seeing her phone, she freezes, before turning and going back to the couch, face sullen, eyes missing their usual spark beyond the bags that haven't quite faded, though mercifully the bruises didn't transfer from the Dream. Her hands go into her hair to scrub at her scalp in frustration. If she can't give Junna at least two days to recover from being freaking kidnapped and thrown into her literal nightmares for three weeks, she's seriously in trouble-
Ding dong.]
Who's here at this time of night...? Ah, coming-!
[She gets up, throwing on her house slippers for the last half a meter as she heads for the door. Maybe it's a package? It's kinda late for that, but mail does what it wants in Yumemigaoka, so it's not unusual. She doesn't bother to check the peephole, just opens the door-
and stares. Blinks in surprise. And raises one hand as if to touch her arm, make sure she's real, but doesn't quite get there, not wanting to be disappointed when she isn't, recoiling gently.]
J- [She swallows, tries again.] Junna...?
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Relief, that Lisa is here. Dread, at not knowing what comes next -- and the way that she said her name could mean anything. Shame, because she can only imagine what Lisa saw and heard. Guilt, because she sees those bags under her eyes, and... and she put Lisa through that. But happiness, too, to see her again and be standing so close. Slowly, Junna lifts a hand in a little, tentative wave.
And she exhales.] ...H-Hi.
[She isn't sure what she should say. Her hand falls by her side; she clutches it with her other hand, fingers tight around her wrist, and her green eyes meet Lisa's. She looks tense. Nervous. Like she's about to explode.
She might, even.] I... I know I should have called. I--I just wanted to... um... I wanted to come see you.
[A beat, then nervously:] Can I come in?
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again. Apologize. Kiss her - no, not with the look in her eyes, that's not a good idea right now. Tug her inside out of the cold-]You never have to call ahead. Anytime you want to see me, come over, no matter what. Um, unless it's like two in the morning, Karen-chan might take offense then, so just text me or something so I can be waiting by the door, but still come see me- [She cuts herself off, recognizing she's rambling; she shakes her head softly.] Please, come in.
[Lisa backs up out of the doorway to give her space. She very noticeably doesn't reach for her hand or anything else; she's not sure she's got that right, just now, and she'll give Junna as much time and space as she needs, even if she looks really awkward, not to mention a touch uneasy.]
Karen-chan's in her room gaming. I don't think you'll see her, there's... something or other in her MMO right now, she's going to be on all night. [She sees the TV as she comes back into the apartment proper, sees Director Yoshino on it still, and hastily turns it off.] But... if you want a little more privacy, we can talk in my room? I don't... I'm not-
[She's so nervous. Not... as bad as she was, but anxiety combined with being touch-starved after almost a month combined with not knowing how Junna's feeling... she's gonna go crazy. But she has to try, voice as level as she can manage-]
I'm... going to go as fast as you're comfortable with, and you can stay as long as you like. You can- you can tell me as much as you want, or as little as you want, and if you want me to talk, I will. If you want me to keep my mouth shut, I'll do that too. I- [She smiles, and while it looks strained, it's... reasonably honest, and there's a tiny flash of her usual confidence in her eyes.] I still want you to be happy. That hasn't changed. Even if everything else does, I'll swear that until- [neither of them probably want her to finish that sentence, so she cuts off, lamely finishing-] yeah.
[Setting her own ground rules finished, she waits - not patiently, to be sure, but as quietly as she can manage - for Junna. She's waited three weeks, she can wait thirty seconds.]
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She could almost cry. She manages to not, but she nods quickly.She tries to commit that to memory -- to text first if it's late, but that she's welcome at any time. And that Karen--
Karen's playing an MMO. She glances towards her room, and then her eyes are back onto Lisa as she steps inside. She hesitates; her voice is caught in her throat for a moment, and it takes her a second to find it. Lisa rambles when she's nervous; Junna clams up when she gets nervous. This is about as nervous as she can get, too. She looks at Lisa, and there's a moment, before she answers quietly. But... still warmly.] In... in your room sounds great.
I... um... [She trails off as she listens to Lisa explain all of that. Her eyes widen at acceptance she worried she'd never receive. A hand comes over her mouth, and then she blinks. She's not surprised to find tears in her eyes.]
I'm so sorry, Lisa.
[She sniffles.]
...I thought I ruined everything. I-I didn't reach out when I should have, and--and now I'm the poster girl for when a Dreamer's falling apart. I pushed myself so hard that I cracked, and--and it hurt you, my friends, other Dreamers. A-And you had to see all of the worst parts of who I am, and-- [That's more than Junna can say and keep it clear. It started turning into a ramble, and then it chokes into a sob, and she looks down.]
I-I kept thinking, what if I drove you away? [Her shoulders shake, her hand covering her face.] You're... you're the best thing that ever happened to me, and--and what if I ruined that, too?
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But it seems like she didn't need to be quite so overcautious. Junna starts to apologize, tears up, and then it's off to the races. From Lisa's seat on her desk chair across from her, she's briefly at a loss. She reaches out to put a hand on her shoulder (Never kind enough!) and flinches, redirecting to Junna's free hand, grasping it tight.]
Why are you apologizing to me, Junna? Neither of us knows when to ask for help. And if you're the poster girl for falling apart, you have friends and a Mentor that have posters alongside you, so you're in good company. And you're only up there alone because we haven't found a printing shop that'll do mine. [She huffs out a laugh, but it falls flat, and she keeps talking.] I'm not going to tell you you didn't scare us. You scared me a lot. And I got hurt, but it wasn't you that hurt me, mostly. Just... just my heart.
[And that's the sticky part. She can't deny that she had a bad, bad three weeks. Junna wouldn't believe her. Nadeshiko and Jeannette didn't believe her after a single look. Nikki didn't believe her so strongly that he had to send her home by force to relax for a night. She can't, in good faith, even try to pretend she's anything resembling okay. Certainly not to her precious person.]
But I'm not going anywhere. There are very, very few things you can do to drive me away, and unless you have one of Caesar-chan's knives on you, most of them aren't on the table. [That may require explaining, but they have time. She won't deny, though, that being told she's the best thing to happen to Junna is... a balm to her soul after the last several months. But she can't let herself get complacent. Not now, not with her.] As long as you talk to me, you don't have to worry about ruining... us. I'm here for you, as long as you want me to be.
[.......this hurts. Junna's crying right there and she can't do a damn thing about it because, on some level, she's the reason. Does she have that right? Can she... reach out a hand like this? She settles for squeezing her hand tighter, looking... unsettled. Uncertain.]
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Finally, quietly, she says:] I thought I messed up. I kept coming back to thinking that... that somehow, I shoved you away. That I shoved everyone away and I failed you.
[Junna exhales softly. She hears how Lisa says it would be hard to push her away. And that makes Junna laugh, softly, through the tears. She wipes at her eyes again and then, hesitantly, reaches a hand over and takes Lisa's. And she squeezes.]
I'll get that lesson through my thick skull one day. I-- [Her voice quiets.] I don't want to lose you. I don't know what I'm supposed to be doing. Or what getting better looks like yet. Or--or what I'm going to say to everyone.
But I know who I wanted to see and where I wanted to be. [She threads her fingers through Lisa's.] And it's here. With you.
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But... Junna understands her path forward. Or at least, she knows what she wants. What she wants is Lisa, against all odds. Even if the fact that the other girl's here now kind of... telegraphed that, Lisa's... it's complicated. Relieved, that she's not completely out of luck, and that they'll have a chance to talk things over and clear the air - Junna would have come by eventually now that she's safe, but having her do it so soon and of her own accord eases her mind. Anxious, that once they do clear the air she's going to have dug herself into a hole from which she may never get out. And lucky, that Junna did come back. Did choose her, again. So even if she's not calm, she... relaxes a little. She can think straight now, at least, and the hand holding hers, fingers interlaced, does more to recharge her mind and bolster her heart than anything either of them could say. So she takes a long, shuddering breath, tries to smile through the tears she can already feel starting, and does what she does best: wing it, and take care of her precious person.]
Thank you, Junna. For coming back to me. For trusting me. For letting me try again, despite everything. [Another breath, this one less tense.] You didn't fail me. I'm... I wish you'd come to me instead of running away, instead of shutting us out, but I think I understand why you did it, and I don't blame you. I don't think I'd have- actually, I know I wouldn't have done any better, and I'd be a lot worse off if our positions were reversed right now. So, just... remember this feeling. Lean on us. Lean on me. You don't have to tell us anything about what happened, like I said earlier. Just let us be there for you. Okay? [Her grip tightens on Junna's hand in hers.]
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[She owes her an explanation, and she knows it. Junna looks down for a second. There is something that bothers her -- the way Lisa said "for letting me try again." But she decides, at first, to start with what happened.] When I had that fight with my parents, it was like everything I was stressed about came to a head at once. The play. The ways I screwed up in the Dream Sphere, the last couple of months. Graduating soon. And... and the way my parents don't understand what I want. And I'm not sure I can tell them. It was all... just... crashing down around me.
[She exhales, softly.] And the next thing I knew, I was in the Disturbance. And I thought--thought maybe I could stop it, before it grew out of control. It wasn't... really a clear thought. But then it was like everywhere I turned, there was a reminder of... of the ways I thought I was letting people down. Myself down. I wasn't able to balance all of the things I need to.
I couldn't be a great Dreamer.
I couldn't be a great actress.
All the hard work wouldn't amount to anything, because I'm not enough. [She gets quieter.] My parents would... would see me, and be disappointed, and they'd be right.
[She chokes up.] And I kept thinking... I-I'm not strong enough to tell my parents about my girlfriend. They'll never know who I really am. And--and you deserve better, not... not me being terrified of letting them down, because I am proud of you, honey. I'm so proud to be with you. [She looks away, embarrassed, then. Maybe something worse than embarrassed.] But I'm scared they'll reject me or reject you.
[She wipes at her eyes. She isn't done crying yet.]
And all of that, all of those feelings, they... built on themselves. I felt like I was drowning in them, and I... couldn't see any way out. A labyrinth in every sense of the word. [Junna shivers, involuntarily.] I thought if I stayed there, then... then maybe I wouldn't have to face the way I was so sure I was letting all of you down. And I was determined to dig myself out.
[She's quiet.] I... I was so blind.
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But... from there, it all makes a twisted, horrible kind of sense. She scoots her chair closer - cognizant of the distance she's put there herself until she's sure Junna trusts her, until she trusts herself - and listens to the tale, committing it to memory. Someone... deserves to remember. Someone that isn't Junna, because she's already going to have it haunting her for months. Years. If she didn't have a feeling some combination of Zeke and Director Yoshino had already found one, she'd be talking about therapy... although the fact her own therapist certainly doesn't seem to be helping her as much these days doesn't escape her either... no, Lisa, focus! Junna first.
Watching her admit - to herself, and to Lisa - the moment she realized she couldn't realize her dreams, couldn't be the things she wanted is so, so painful. Junna had always been so bright and full of hope, ambitious, driven, and now... now she has to build back up from the bottom. From the soul-deep knowledge she can't, and that she wants to try anyway. But even worse is the moment she admits she might not be able to tell her parents about Lisa. Lisa herself... could care less about her own parents' opinion of her, at this point, she doesn't really even know them anymore. But Junna's still close to hers. Was close; she's not going to touch that with a ten-meter pole right now, that's asking for trouble. The moment either of them are open about their relationship to more than their Dreamer friends, or that they get photographed together by the paparazzi or newsies that are certain to be following Junna for the next couple weeks, there's no hiding it anymore. Even Junna's pride in her - her! - doesn't... quite pierce that alarming thought. She'll come back to that, though she does manage to briefly let a tender smile through. But as her mind works to the conclusion of Junna's tale, it slips for a moment.]
And when we came in, it was an endless school hallway of work that never ended, that turned into back rooms full of plays and projects that were never finished and you could never get in enough practice for. If nothing was ever ready to perform, and the show never started, you'd never have to show us what was going on behind the curtain... holy shit. [She laughs, but the sound is hollow, the expression on her face haunted.] Even in your nightmares, you're an actress through and through.
[But Lisa shakes her head, and starts to work through everything. She heard a lot just now, and it's scary stuff, but... it's nothing they can't work through together. Gently, shoving aside the thought that she hasn't earned the right to touch her yet, she wipes Junna's tears away with a gentle swipe of her free hand.]
You're not blind, Junna. You're human. You overextended yourself - a mistake a lot of us make, myself included - and when something gave, it wasn't any of your projects. It was you, because something that wasn't even under your control in the first place went wrong. And I'm not entirely sure you've been screwing up in the Dream Sphere that much, either. Sure, you've made mistakes, but. That's part of being a Dreamer and working with other people. We all have. Some of us more than others. [Lisa smiles at her, a little more honest even if she's still off-balance inside.] So that makes you an up-and-coming actress, a Dreamer that just hit Experienced and still needs some seasoning, a student that hasn't even graduated high school yet, and... a girl in love. That all seems reasonable to me, and juggling it all is definitely possible. Your work still means something, and I hope you can see that, now that your eyes are a little clearer.
But I definitely get not being able to hold up under the stress. And when your biggest problem is one you can't fix by yourself, that you might not be able to fix at all. [She's quiet for a second.] I don't know what the right answer is with your parents. I'm... I'm really happy that you're happy with me. But like I said before, I also don't want to drive a wedge between you and your folks, beyond the one that's already there. I don't care if they reject me. I don't... I already have one set of parents that doesn't know what to do with me and doesn't really bother with me anymore. A second one wouldn't bother me. [She doesn't quite flinch again, but... there's enough of a tremble, where their hands are joined, that maybe Lisa doesn't believe that statement as much as she says she does. Not obedient enough! flickers through her mind and she ruthlessly stamps out the thought before it can distract her any further, even if it makes the shaking worse.] You, though... your parents are still important to you, Junna. I...
[She doesn't say it, but the suddenly extremely vulnerable look on her face probably communicates her thought crystal clear: Am I really worth that?]
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[She looks up, though, and she listens as Lisa explains. She's quiet for a second, but -- on the question of whether Junna understands that she's still got accomplishments, on the question of whether she can balance things, and on the question of what happened. She overextended herself. It's something that Lisa has done; that a lot of people do. And, slowly, Junna nods her head.]
...I know. I know my work means something. And I... I don't want to give any of those up, Lisa. I know I need to... learn to not overextend. To ask for help. To share my burdens with you and the others.
[She's quiet, though, for a second. There's the question of her parents -- of the fact that there could be a wedge driven between Junna and her parents. She looks to the side, and it might be the wrong thing to do; like she's about to give Lisa bad news and doesn't want to look her in the eye. But there's a bigger question, and Junna sees the vulnerable look on her girlfriend's face. She realizes, then, this question is bigger than the one she first asked.
She looks back at Lisa. She blinks; a couple stray tears roll down her cheeks, and then she reaches out, and takes Lisa's hand in both of hers.]
...If they make me choose, it's-- [She swallows, then her voice is stronger. Firmer.] It's you, Lisa. I love you. And... I can't deny who I am for them anymore. It almost destroyed me once. I don't want it to again.
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[And then she's waiting on the edge of her seat for Junna to consider how they go forward as... well, as them. As two in harmony, instead of friends having a casual night out. She's watching Junna, her mind reading into every motion and every expression. And for that one horrible moment, she's certain Junna is going to choose to try and find a middle ground, and make them both miserable down the road when her parents inevitably decide Lisa is nothing more than a distraction for their daughter. Her heart sinks. But... she'll wait. She can't let herself spiral before she even actually knows the answer, no matter what she thinks it is. She sure looks like she's about ready to burst into tears (again) at a moment's notice, though.
Then she sees Junna turn back to her, and reach out for her. And she dares to hope, while she listens... and she finally loses her composure, when she hears the decision. She breaks down into ugly tears, bending forward and sobbing, head bent over their joined hands. She shakes her head frantically for a second, understanding she's probably freaking Junna right out, but she can't get words out right now. For the better part of a minute, she's just inconsolable, her overtaxed emotions finally finding a crack to bleed off. Eventually, she manages-]
S-sorry! I'm- I'm happy, I am! I just- I was s-so scared, and I... [Nothing again for a moment.] It's been a l-long month, you know!? Just- just give me a minute!
[Ah, yes, good, she can add being mortified to the list of issues she's having. Junna's supposed to be the one mildly freaking out and making hard decisions! She's just supposed to be the supportive person there to help her think and maybe give her a hug in times of need! Why is she getting emotional!? Or, well, she knows why, but why now!?]
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[That feels so small compared to what happens next, though.
Junna can see how nervous -- how fragile -- Lisa is. She's worried throughout about saying the wrong thing, even if this is a situation where they're saying what they need to say and not what the other wants to hear them say. But when Lisa starts sobbing, head bowed over their joined hands, Junna sucks in a gasp. There's a sudden, sharp shock of fear that runs through her.
She might not want to get between Junna and her parents. It might be assuming too much of Junna's parents, who don't even know. It might be more than Lisa can deal with right now. There's a lot of reasons that it might be too much. And Junna feels worry building, that maybe things aren't going to work out and maybe--
Then Lisa manages to talk. And Junna blinks her eyes again and lets out a breath she didn't know she was holding.]
I-I know. It was a really long month. It's okay, Lisa... it's okay. I-I, um... [She stops herself from apologizing. Instead, she gently tugs on Lisa's hands and tries to pull her over to sit with her on the bed -- and where she can hug her.
Tightly. She needs it too.]
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Thus, she doesn't resist when Junna tugs her over to join her, or pulls her hands free. Lisa is intimately aware her girlfriend is presently much, much more put together than she is, and is more than happy to submit to her decisions right now; she doesn't trust herself to decide what to eat for dinner... which she might have missed in her depressed funk, oops. Just more proof she's a total and utter mess.
So when Junna's arms wrap around her, she freezes. She'd been busy beating herself up for everything, but... it's not just about her, is it? Junna's here now because she needs her. Whatever Lisa thinks of herself (Nobody ever has! rings in her head before she shoves it into a garbage chute, not quite fast enough to ignore it), Junna chose her, again, and she needs... needs to honor that. Needs to step up and be present. Needs to get over herself. One person believes in her. Someday, maybe she can raise that number. But right now... one is enough.
Slowly, tentatively, she brings her own arms around Junna. She's been dreaming of this for three weeks, now, returning to the comfortable place she's been missing, and she starts to relax almost immediately. She... needed this. Badly. Lisa's shaking slows and then stops, and while her breathing is still erratic, she's... better, after a moment to attune. So she can focus on the things she needs to say, instead of focusing on her own inadequate self.]
It's not okay. I'm not okay. I don't know... if I've been okay in a long time. And I hate it. [Her voice is muffled where she's snuggling into Junna's shoulder, too short to nestle into her neck and hating it in this specific moment.] But right now, I'm home. [The tips of her ears turn pink.] I missed you. I missed you so much. I couldn't stand it.
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She keeps her arms around Lisa, and then she leans her head down. Her face buries into Lisa's neck -- and her hair, too, and she sighs softly. It's warm, it's comfortable, and it's sensations she didn't forget but that felt so distant when she was trapped inside of the Disturbance. Like a warmth she would never be able to find again. Her arms hold Lisa, though there's a tremble.
She closes her eyes, and she enjoys the feeling of just holding Lisa for a second. And being held, herself. But she doesn't stay quiet, even if her voice is muffled too.]
I missed you too. [She says it quietly, and there's memories of the Disturbance coming back.] I just... just wanted to see you again. I was scared over--over all these stupid things. But even at the worst of it, I knew... I wanted to be with you again. Be in your arms again.
[She breathes in, face still buried against Lisa's neck.] I'm home, too. With... with you.
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[She could fall asleep like this. Probably should, she's. Had a lot of rough nights. But not right now. Right now, someone else needs her more. Even if she doesn't take this chance to make sure everything's clear between them, she needs to at least do more. She can feel that much in the hand atop her head. Her arms tighten around Junna; she's careful not to squeeze too hard, but. If she walked here, she's cleared for a proper embrace.]
I'll make sure we don't have to be apart again. And you can stay right here, as long as you like. [Forever, she tries to add, but the word won't come; she can't- can't promise that right now. Still... she can't ask for more, either.] Welcome home, Junna.
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There is a moment of hesitation, though, when she feels Lisa hug her -- and, frankly, she isn't injured physically. It's the irony of a Disturbance, she supposes. Her arms slide down to hold Lisa, gently, and she smiles after that. Welcome home...
That feels nice. No, it feels perfect.] ...thanks, Lisa. I needed to hear that. I needed... this.
[A reminder that she has some place she belongs. She considers, though, what Lisa says. As long as she likes. She hugs Lisa back, but then she pulls back a little to look at Lisa and meet her eyes. She doesn't want to have any miscommunication.]
...how, um... [Her face reddens a little.] ...How long do you want me to stay?
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[Lisa's confused for a moment when Junna pulls away a little, before she realizes what she's asking, and... a mischievious smile comes to her lips, for the first time in almost a month.]
I said when I let you in in the first place, right? As long as you like, and I'd go as fast as you're comfortable with. [She backs off the playfulness a little bit.] If you want to stay a while longer, or even for the night, I'd be happy to have you. I'd like that, even. I'm not going to be able to stay awake for a proper sleepover, but, well... I'm not ready to let you go just yet. I'll understand if you say no, though.
[In the back of her mind, she knows this is... pretty forward, for her, and she tries to figure out what possessed her to offer. But she realizes after a moment that it makes perfect sense. Partly that there's no reason Junna needs to leave if together is where both of them agree they belong; and partly that she recognizes Junna is probably going to be what helps her sleep tonight, one way or another. Even if she has to steal her hoodie for the night and send her home in one of hers so she doesn't catch a cold-
-oh. Oh, she's in deep. Her face flushes as she realizes what she casually decided she'd do for a little piece of mind. But it's also been long enough since she offered in the first place that an astute observer wouldn't think to associate it with the earlier comment... oops.]
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[She smiles a little more.] ...Right now, I think we both need something else.
[Then--then she catches the mischief in her smile, the playfulness in her voice, and it's a relief to see that look on Lisa's face. But it also makes her turn a brighter shade of red, and it gets a laugh out of her that has more happiness than in awhile. And when she looks to the side, briefly, it's not because she's ashamed. She's just embarrassed, in a good way.] Well...
[She looks back at her girlfriend, and she tries to not think about the way her heart's pounding in her chest. It's a good thing, though. She hasn't felt like that in weeks. She's trying to logic it out, and that's not really working. She already made her choice: if she's told to pick, she picks Lisa. So after a moment's hesitation, she reaches her hand up, resting her fingers on Lisa's cheek.]
It was lonely and cold in the Disturbance, and I'm not alone here. And I feel warm whenever I'm with you. S-So, ah... [Her cheeks feel like they're on fire, now.] ...I-I want to stay with you tonight. And I don't just want to fall asleep next to you.
[There's a brief pause, while she's looking into Lisa's eyes. Junna's lip trembles. Then... she promptly ruins the smoothness by blurting out:] I-i-if that's okay, if I misunderstood the situation it's fine, r-really! W-We can just have separate cold showers and I-I'll sleep on the floor!
[Sorry, Lisa, even after facing her despair manifested in a dream space, she's still kind of a mess.]
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[She's happy that being a little silly - a little forward, a little more willing to reach for what she wants - can make Junna happy. She'll take as much of that as she can get right now. Then Junna pulls out the time-honored Uno reverse card and cranks Lisa's request up to twelve, and the hand on her cheek will be able to feel her face turn cherry red, screaming internally. This is what she wanted! This is exactly what she wanted! But having her desires repeated back to her like this is going to drive her crazy! Once again, her wonderful, understanding actress girlfriend is putting on a show with her and she's feeling woefully underpracticed! So she starts to nod, too embarrassed to form words at the moment, before Junna seems to... catch herself, and backpedal halfway out of the city. Lisa blinks, but after a second, she can't help herself: she laughs brightly, reaching out to grab her girlfriend's cheeks and hold her attention. If they're still on the same wavelength for something like this, they'll be okay.]
Stop! Stop, stop, Junna! You- you were right the first time! I'm way too self-conscious to say it out loud, and I didn't want to sound super needy, but... yeah. That's what I was hoping for. [Her eyes are sparkling, with affection and amusement both.] You are so cute when you get flustered, though, I hope you know. [She lets out a breath, shaking her head gently.] But... I understand. Not being able to call you and hear your voice sucked more than I thought it would. So. Yes, please stay with me tonight. I'll be right here to keep you warm and safe.
[Just to make absolutely clear. No room for doubt. No misunderstanding.]
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Oh, except Junna's about to have a full on nervous meltdown, and her mouth is opening and she is absolutely about to ramble more in Lisa's general direction. About nothing. But then her brain short circuits -- mercifully cutting off her backpedaling -- when Lisa's hands rest on her cheeks. She sputters a little when Lisa laughs, but then she smiles at what she says.
And she laughs, too, her eyes meeting Lisa's. And she puts one hand over one of Lisa's hands, on her cheek.] I'm cute when I'm flustered? That's so unfair to point out. [She calms down, though, her smile softening, and she nods her head back. Not being able to talk, not being able to see each other. There's the little, traitorous thought that she caused Lisa that hurt--but she banishes it.] I-I'm glad. I'm really glad.
[Then, she closes her eyes and leans forward. She puts one hand on Lisa's cheek, then leans the rest of the way in to kiss her.]
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You're always cute, of course. But I call 'em as I see 'em. [She shakes her head, though, and grins back, letting Junna go. Which may have been an invitation, as Junna leans in, and... while part of her is still a little uneasy, she's pretty sure they're okay now. Not perfect - they have a long way to go before Lisa will be confident nothing is broken and they can go on like they were - but for the moment, Junna feels safe with her, and Lisa doesn't want to keep punishing herself for something that, outside the Disturbance that was making her nothing but depressed, doesn't seem as big as deal as she might have been making of it? They'll talk things over, both of them will go work with the therapists they likely both have now, and it'll... it'll be okay. It will be okay, right?
Lisa closes her eyes, closes the gap, and tries her best to burn the memory of Junna's lips into her mind again, wrapping her arms back around her girlfriend. She wants to stockpile as many happy memories as she can get. The moment won't last very long, as late as it is, but she's learning again that every second is precious.]
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And, unsurprisingly, she sleeps soundly in the end. And, for once, she sleeps late too. It's already nearly 10:00 in the morning when she wakes up -- not that she sees a clock. Her green eyes blink open, and she feels more rested and less tense than she has in weeks. Since Christmas, probably. Even if, well, some things are new. Like--
Oh.
Like the fact she has her arm around Lisa's bare shoulders, and her forehead is against the back of her head. Junna starts to turn red in the cheeks at that, shifts a little, and pulls the covers up around them both. Then, with a moment's hesitation, she leans over and kisses Lisa on the shoulder. And waits a second, to see if she stirs.
But she's starting to get a silly smile on her face. Did she really--did they really...? The Disturbance, for the first time in almost a month, isn't even on her mind.]
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...that wasn't her moving the sheets, though? What did she...?
Last night comes back to her at about the same time as she feels an increasingly-familiar pair of lips on her shoulder, and she shivers, stirring but not quite coming to yet. That's. That's definitely Junna behind her; she realizes this makes her the little spoon and, while that makes perfect sense given their builds, somehow feels... unsatisfying? Maybe they can take turns, she wants to do the holding too. Uh, wait, this isn't what she's supposed to be doing. Junna's clearly more awake than she is, but not so awake she's bothered to get up. So that's... okay. It means she'd been right last night: the two of them would sleep better if they were together than apart.
.....she can't really put off actually getting up much longer, can she?]
Good... [Lisa yawns, careful not to stretch and hit someone as her eyes finally open.] Mm. Good morning to you too, Junna. Did you... sleep okay?
[Her tone is soft and languid; she's going to need a bit longer - or something a bit more startling - to fully wake up. But that's fine with her; she's happy to take all the time she can steal right now.]
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But realizing Lisa is up, too, means she's coming back to reality enough to have a conversation.] Good morning. I, um. Y-Yes. Great. I slept great.
[Lisa's idea about what would make sure they slept well was completely on point. Her voice is soft, too; she's a little more awake, but she always awoke quickly. And the smile is practically evident in her tone of voice, even if Lisa isn't looking right at her.]
What about you? That--um. [She laughs, and it's not embarrassed or forced.] That was really... um. Wow.
[Her command of language is lacking at the moment.]
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