yumemigaoka | Theater Kid's March Comes in Like a Lion

Mm! Together. Home safe and sound, everything in order. [Lisa isn't entirely sure what to do as Junna digests the end of her battle with Sonic and her subsequent break, because she started it, even if she had good reason, but he finished it. But... no, there is something. So even as Junna starts to move past it on her own, Lisa tightens her grip a bit, feeling a little more confident.] I'm still not asking you to be happy with me getting my butt kicked, so I get it. [She grins weakly; her heart isn't entirely in it, but she's cheering up a bit.] I'm counting on you to keep me in line.

[There's a moment while she calms down and resets her mind; she's almost done, and then she can let herself relax for a bit and just be. Lisa lets her head droop into Junna's shoulder.]

Just a little bit left now. The... the most physically painful part, but it's less emotionally draining, I guess. Tell me when? I'm... I'm not exactly going to enjoy it, but it'll be good to get the last of it out of my system, I think.

Right... right, I will. [She can try to help with that. And not letting being annoyed that Lisa got hurt -- even if it was in the Dream Sphere -- bother her too much. But she doubts she can turn that off. Junna keeps her arms around her, then she looks at her for a moment while she explains. Physically painful, but less emotionally draining? That makes her wonder.

Which--which means she should ask, rather than ruminate.]

Sure. I'm ready, if you are.

No, but I'll start anyway. Better to just get it over with, I think. [With a soft sigh, Lisa starts in again.] Behind the poster was the backstage area. Stuff was strewn everywhere - props, backdrops, you couldn't move a meter without bumping into something. Which was the problem, it was a maze, and the prize was in the center: you. There was a staircase up to the stage, and we could see you up there, and all we had to do was reach you - you were right there - but... there was some... big... black... star... red... thing?? It kept shooting at us. Throwing things at us. Dropping lights and setpieces on us. Strobing lights, I had a headache for days. I'm getting a headache now thinking about it. So we had that to contend with while we were tyring to get through, but as long as we didn't stick out trying to move forward, it... kind of ignored us? We ran out of cover eventually, but... I'll come back to that.

[Lisa shakes her head, and her expression dims.]

The bigger problem was that you could never trust anything you saw was what it looked like. There were Torments in there, and... also things scarier than Torments. I saw a couple, big, nasty things, and I took a few scary shots. At one point I ran into some kind of space set - command consoles, starry backdrops, cushy chairs. And I fought someone that looked straight out of Star Journey, it was weird. I think he was a Torment? But he found this weird... alien blaster thing. Kinda like Caesar-chan's knives, definitely looked real enough to do damage. And I- nn! [She gasps and twitches; her right arm comes back from around Junna to hold her side. Lisa's face pales a little and her eyebrows are creased; she sure seems like she's in pain, but from what?] Psychosomatic bullshit- guh. Um. I may have gotten shot. Again. In the same place. I'm not really hurt but it's bugging me sometimes, still. But it really, really hurt in the moment, and I may have screamed bloody murder. And screaming attracted attention. I'd just finished dealing with the jerk that shot me, aaaaand then Hibiki's Night Terror came around a corner? Somehow???

Mm... yeah. [Junna frowns as she listens. She doesn't quite know what to make of herself being the prize -- though, she supposes, that might also be the artifice of the Disturbance. It had to put her somewhere in there. She frowns, as she hears about the Nightmare fighting them.] That... I guess it was a--a star, like something you'd reach for on the stage.

[She blinks, then, as she hears about the strange alien-like Torment. Or worse, perhaps. And then Junna gets a jolt as Lisa gasps, twitching sharply like that. It makes Junna adjust a little, hugging her again.] It's--it's okay, Lisa. I... that sounds terrifying. I'm-- [No, she tells herself, stop apologizing. They went over this.

She looks down for a second. But what Lisa says, next, makes her look up with surprise. The question of 'how?' is writ large on her face. She shakes her head, quickly.] I-I--how? I can't think of... why that would be. What did you do? Did you--did you fight it, again, or--?

A star... I guess that makes sense, sure. Except instead of reaching it we had to figure out how to hit it. I, um. I can't fly. Gungnir kept getting shot out of the sky. It was a whole experience.

[She initially misses Junna's reassurance through the haze of pain; it eases after a moment, and she takes a breath, feeling like she can think again.]

I'm... I'm fine. I just get a phantom pain sometimes. It... looked really gnarly at first? I had a big, kinda-open wound in my side, my dress was burned through, it probably would have bled a lot if the gun hadn't cauterized it shut in the first place. [Junna will, ironically, observe this is the exact spot Lisa also indicated she's ticklish. Are the two related?] It was scary and I thought I was going to pass out. But, uh, it's a good thing I didn't! I found out why she was there, but I'll get to that later for dramatic effect. [Lisa sighs.] Yes, I... ended up singing again. Hibiki's dark twin decided I needed a hole torn in me with her claws. I did my best but... after getting winged I just didn't have the energy, and like I said before... I don't know how to fight people. She's almost as fast as Sonic is, you know? And hits harder! And flies!! And has wing barriers!!! [She's... whining a little, but that fight sucked.] So she really only had to get in close once, even if it actually took her two tries because I blew her away the first time. Then she, uh, hit me in the same spot again, and I kinda remember going through a couple walls, or maybe backstops, and I... I blacked out? I didn't wake up, but I definitely wasn't fully conscious for a bit.

...so my psyche likes to design overtuned Dim Spirits boss fights. Wonderful. [Junna sighs a little melodramatically. And that...

...that was absolutely a joke. Because seeing the way Lisa looks pained -- and describing what she remembers -- makes her think they might need something to cut the tension. She winces, a little, and she sucks in a breath. But Lisa is here. She is -- well, she's okay enough. She doesn't sound like she was okay in the moment. Junna swallows, and she tries to not let the panic at imagining how much that hurt -- worse, how much Lisa hurt, and how upsetting that is -- derail her. But when she reaches for and squeezes Lisa's hand, now, it's not just for Lisa's comfort.]

That... that sounds awful. What... what happened, when you came to? [There's a glance at that spot. She looks at it, with worry, but then it's back to Lisa's eyes.]

Your psyche can't hold itself up under the weight of your ambition when you're going full speed. [Her tone is a little clipped, a little breathless, but she's... dealing with it.] You're wonderful, and I love that you're working so hard to bring your dreams to life. But you've been pushing yourself really hard from the moment I met you. Everything gets so jumbled that it's hard to keep it all straight and not trip over yourself going from thing to thing. [The smile Lisa gives her is pained, but not unkind.] And sometimes it can make you see your problems as worse than they are. Or... see problems that aren't there.

[She lets the hint stand for a minute, before she sighs. She's skipping over the fight and the desperate struggle not to get turned into a pancake. Which she lost pretty handily......]

I must have called her name while I was out. By the time I came to, Hibiki - the real thing - was crouched over me, calling my name, and beside herself that she'd hurt me. I don't know what she saw - I'm a little afraid to ask - but the thing I thought was her Night Terror, was just Gungnir. I, um, couldn't walk, so she picked me up and carried me out herself. I'm pretty sure I had some kind of internal bleeding, which I dind't think I could have over there? I was coughing up blood on her fancy white-accented costume the whole ride up.

Edited (icon lol) 2025-04-07 15:09 (UTC)

...that's... [It stings a little to have Lisa really hit the nail on the head. But, she thinks, she should get used to that. They know each other too well, now, and that means sometimes they'll see something the other didn't. Losing the forest for the trees, or whatever the saying is English. Junna smiles back, even if it's strained. It's not unkind, either, and her fingers squeeze Lisa's.] It can't. And I... I do. Sometimes I find a problem, because I really want a solution, and I'll pick the one I think I do have.

[She blinks her eyes -- and then she exhales with relief. She realizes, though: it was the real Hibiki that she fought. Her Disturbance made illusions, so they would fight each other. Junna isn't sure what it says about her.]

I'm... [The apology slips out, despite her best efforts.] ...I'm sorry, Lisa. I-I know it's... it's what we talked about, but... I'm sorry you were hurt so badly by something that my brain helped cook up. I don't-- [Then Junna's fingers slide through Lisa's, squeezing her hand, palm to palm. As if to say, 'I can touch you in a way that doesn't hurt.' And to say, again, 'I'm so sorry.'

Her voice gets quiet. There's a little tremble to it.] ...I don't ever want to hurt you.

Hey, I said before, I'm not psychoanalyzing you on purpose. [She grins, pushing through the stitch in her side that shouldn't exist.] But I get it. I do that sometimes too. I... I have to be right, yeah? So I just bull straight ahead, and when I'm wrong anyway something goes really bad.

[She sees the cogs turning in Junna's brain, sees her coming to a conclusion. Her instinct is that she's going to be a little concerned about what the output is, and she's a little worried to be proven right. Not that it surprises her the way this evening's gone - the way their mental states are - but. Hmm.]

You didn't. You should never have to. [She calmly, gently, lets herself squeeze Junna's hand in return. Her expression sobers.] This isn't your fault, and I'm telling you because I hope it will help you - help us - not because I want you to feel bad or anything, okay? I... I got hurt, but a lot of what hurt me was my own bad decisions, because I couldn't calm down. You are not to blame, Junna. I forgive you, and I'm not mad at you.

[There's a long moment of silence while Lisa thinks. Should she... well. That's not a question. They agreed to try and be more open about things, right? Is this the time...? Well. That's also kind of a silly question. She lets out a long breath.]

When you first came back to me... I was so scared. When I was about to attack Sonic, when I fought Hibiki - I told her like an idiot when she was flying me out - I thought I wouldn't be able to hold you again. That hands that hurt other people, on purpose and with malice and intent to harm, aren't things I should be using for comfort. You... you coaxed me into pushing through it then, but it still- [her throat is dry; she swallows hard-] it still gets to me, a little. I- I don't want to hurt you either! But that's always there now, you know? I don't... trust myself.

Yeah... it's easy to do. In the moment, it feels like you're doing something. And later, it can go off the rails. [It's a timely reminder that Lisa gets it. They're a lot alike in some important ways, some good and some bad. It's what drew them together in the first place. She smiles back.

But it fades a little as Lisa says it wasn't her fault. That she forgives her. Junna hesitates for a second. It helps to hear that -- even as inwardly, she's frustrated with herself for not learning that lesson yet. She squeezes Lisa's hand back. Maybe it'll take longer for her to really internalize things. She can't rush getting better, her therapist says.]

I... I understand. It's just--I guess I still feel responsible. I'm working on it. [She hesitates though. She wants to argue, instinctively, that Lisa isn't at fault. And Junna doesn't think she is. But, she wasn't able to calm down, and she wants to do better. Junna can't dismiss that. She listens, but when Lisa starts to sound upset, she takes a step closer. She squeezes her hand.

Her voice is quiet. Gentle.] Lisa. Look at me. [This hurts to see. Seeing Lisa be scared of hurting her, being scared that she can't trust herself.] It's okay to be scared. It's okay to be unsure of yourself. To worry it'll happen again. To be scared you'll hurt me. But you're not just your worst moments. You're so much more.

[It's what she said earlier, but it's worth repeating. She takes Lisa's hand and lifts it, so Lisa is holding her cheek.] There's no one I trust more to hold me. No one I want more to hold me.

[Lisa would tell Junna the same thing, cribbed both from her own therapist and their collective friends: healing has to come at its, and your, own pace. There's no magic spell for pulling your heart back together. She knows that, she feels like she lives it. Junna needing to learn that lesson too... hurts in concept, but it's a fact of life. Lisa hasn't fully internalized it herself, as evidenced by most of this conversation. But... holding her problems inside her hasn't helped her for nineteen years, either, so here she is. Here they are, again.

It's why she bothered to get her insecurities from a week ago into words. Even if it hurts. Even if it makes her feel even more like she's weighing Junna down. Like she's... not what Junna needs. Which is, apparently, not a sentiment Junna herself shares. Junna ever only gets really quiet and patient like this when Lisa does something... really stupid. Really, monumentally, catastrophically stupid. Which this kinda was! But the reminder still hurts. And yet... she looks at Junna. Her gaze is uncertain, darting, but she does her best to listen and look. She'd said that before, earlier tonight. Lisa is... more than just the darkest moments. More than the things she says to herself when she's feeling the strain, feeling like she's screwed up for the millionth time, feeling like she's hitting rock bottom and the only place left to go is to be swallowed by the Earth's core. It's... okay to be scared... she doesn't want to be scared, though! She wants to be happy! She wants to be confident when she does things, says things, has feelings, thinks about anything at all! It's so frustrating...!

She wants to believe. More than anything, when Junna tells her it's okay, she wants to sink into that feeling and let herself agree. When she's told there's nobody else she trusts... she wants to be worthy of that trust. The feeling of her hand on Junna's cheek, warm and inviting... for a long moment, she's torn. Does. Does she pull away? Keep her instincts from doing something something rash? Lean into it and ask to be forgiven for needing her to reassure her stupid self again?]

I'm... I'm sorry. I'm sorry I'm like this. [She bows her head, unable to keep looking at Junna, tone soft but strained. She doesn't have tears to cry right now, but boy, she feels like she needs another good cry already.] I still- I still want to. I still need to. I want... to hold you tight and never let go. I-is- is that okay?

[Junna leans her cheek into that hand, even as she keeps looking into Lisa's eyes. It hurts to see the doubt on her girlfriend's face. The way she looks so pained.] Of course it is. I-I don't want anything else, Lisa.

[Her fingers squeeze the same hand at her cheek. She doesn't just want to leave it at that. It doesn't feel like it's enough. She thinks about what Lisa said before. "I'm sorry I'm like this." There's a flicker of hesitation, then Junna leans forward. Her forehead rests against Lisa's again. And her other hand rests on her girlfriend's cheek into turn.]

You don't have to apologize for needing support. [She smiles a little, then, her thumb brushing over Lisa's cheek.] For needing me. And you don't have to apologize because you keep needing those things. I love you, and that doesn't stop just because you're hurt. Because you're unsure of yourself.

I want you. I chose you. I trust you.

[This feels... ugh. Junna is so supportive, so trusting. She knows she shouldn't be like this. That she's... maybe not fine the way she is, but that her faults aren't a surprise to anyone, and that most of her friends - and by now her girlfriend - know what they've gotten into by staying this long. Junna simply knows that much, much better than most. Lisa simply doesn't have the willpower to let herself do this in front of anyone else. In some perverse way, that is strength, but... not the kind of strength she really wants to show. She is kinda happy she has someone she can let all her walls down around, come what may... but it still feels bad to do this to Junna in the first place.

Still, as Junna says... she does need that support. She needs someone to have her back, and sometimes her front, to keep her moving forward when times are hard and her heart just doesn't have the strength to cope. Someone who does trust her, and who needs her in turn.

How must it feel to watch this from the outside? To watch Lisa collapse in on herself for the third time in a week, the second in an hour, and have to be dragged back onto her feet? This sucks, and she's the one turning into a fresh cup of depresso! She... she needs to do something. More therapy appointments, maybe. Something's gotta change. She has to be a better person for her person. And right now, that starts with accepting her insecurities and her faults instead of giving into them. So she tries to put that feeling into words, so Junna will understand. As much as she can make Junna understand.]

O-okay. I- I'll try to be better. I trust you, and you trust me, so... maybe I just need to believe in that a little more. [She's quiet a second.] I love you, Junna. I'm... I'm here for you. I'm a little screwed up about it sometimes, but I'm here.

[Her face colors a little at the attention. She... she needs it, to be totally fair, but it still makes her happy.]

I'm... gonna be leaning on you a lot. I have a feeling you won't mind too much, but... don't be surprised, yeah?

[Junna brushes her thumb across Lisa's cheek. It doesn't occur to her that it's the third time in a week. She knew it would be rough when they came here. She also knows they're still getting past the Disturbance. Junna is still getting past that -- and the guilt isn't so easily let go, either. There's still things she isn't sure she understands. And there's the fear she won't be enough, somehow.

She tries to push past them. Lisa needs her, she tells herself.] I love you, too. And I know you're here for me. And I--I don't think you're messed up.

[She leans closer. There's a flush to her cheeks.] Lean on me. Let me lean on you. And hold me. That's all I want. I don't need you to be perfect, okay?

[She worries it's coming out wrong. But still -- holding her, getting to hear what she's scared of, and getting the same in turn is what she knows she needs. It's what she wants.]

I'm glad you told me because I know. We know. We can do this, together, okay?

[It takes every ounce of willpower Lisa can muster at the moment (which isn't a whole lot, mind) not to object when Junna says she's not messed up. She... she is, but that's not exactly at issue here - she won't get better if she doesn't work at it, so she lets it pass. And again at being perfect - but wait, that's. That's not what Junna said. She said she doesn't need her to be perfect....... that. That she can. She can probably do. The rest is within her abilities, even like this. Even as a total mess, she makes an okay support.

So Lisa takes a long, slow breath, letting it out softly. It still sounds rough, but maybe not as rough as she's sounded for the last five minutes. Her words are slower, though.]

Mm. You... know just about all of it, now, huh? I feel like that should terrify me. But... I think I'm okay? I trust you. I've trusted you... for a long time. So I can put my heart in your hands. [She smiles; it's faint, but it's something.] We... we can do this. Together. [Another breath, before her smile widens.] And... thank you, for hearing me out. I know this hasn't been easy. For either of us.

[Junna smiles a little when Lisa exhales. This is... this is good, right? It's good. Maybe they have more to figure out and work on. Maybe they're not totally eye-to-eye on things, yet. Maybe they see each other in a better light than they seem themselves, still. But they can do this.]

I'm... I'm glad. I--I guess... it's the same. You know what's going on with me, too. And I trust you, too. [She leans forward, her forehead resting against Lisa's for a second.] I'm glad I heard you out. It...it wasn't easy, but I--I didn't want to play guessing games. And it makes me think...

We can do this. [She reaches both hands up, cupping her girlfriend's face, and she smiles wider, too.]

[She knows that much. There's always more to work on. Always something you don't know, some little thing you didn't think was important, something that doesn't bother you nearly as much as it bothers someone else. So... having shown everything behind the curtain (ha), and Junna not having run away screaming - or worse - is a huge relief, and something that makes Lisa all the more confident she made the right choice. She doesn't have the strength to handle all this alone. But together... together with someone that knows her fears and her weaknesses and her lack of dreams, she can push herself forward, and she can figure out the positives she hasn't been able to see. Make new dreams for herself. For the both of them.

Lisa lets herself relax into Junna for the first time in a bit. She's... okay. Not entirely, but enough to cope for tonight.]

I wanted to tell you the truth. I don't... want to make you ask other people about me, or guess, or assume. Even if it's hard. The truth... will set you free, yeah?

[She looks exhausted. Wrung-out. Happy, but don't ask her to do anything emotionally charged for the rest of the night. Weakly, she wraps her arms around Junna, and lets out a content sigh.]

I needed this. I hated doing it, but I needed it. I feel... lighter.

[Junna sighs softly, when Lisa sinks into her. That helps her relax, in turn. Lisa's okay. Maybe not great, but--but right now, she's okay. Her arms come around her, and for a second, Junna is happy to just get the chance to hold her. She's feeling exhausted, too; it was a lot to hear. But, she's glad she did.]

It will. I needed to know. And... and you did too. [She kisses Lisa's cheek, then leans against her, too.]

I'm glad. I'm... really glad. I know it wasn't easy, but... I'm glad you feel lighter. I... [She hugs her a little tighter.] ...I do too. But I think I'm ready for a good cuddle. And a snack.

Mm. I... yeah. I like talking through my problems, but I tend to go on for a while, you know?

[She chuckles dully, her heart not quite in it; it's true enough, but. She's trying. Lisa tucks her head in against Junna's shoulder, tone soft.]

And I'm glad you're ready to move on, because... that's about it. From there Hibiki shot the thing and then- we found you. Center stage. I was so happy, so relieved I turned into a sobbing mess right there. [Another chuckle, this one a little brighter; it's not like Junna hasn't realized by now what was driving Lisa through the chaos.] And you went down, down into... whatever the end was. I don't care right now, but... Koi-chan yeeted herself off the stage after you, there's no other way to describe it. Jeanne-chan came to reassure me before she hopped down... Zeke-san and. Olruggio-san? Anyway. They came after you, and... you know the rest. They... they brought you back. It's... it's fine now. [She takes another deep breath, pulling herself as tight as she dares, repeating herself, voice stronger, convincing herself along with Junna.] Everything is fine now. You're here, you're safe, and we can. We can figure it out from here, yeah?

[She's silent a long moment. Then, face still buried in Junna's collar, unwilling to move:]

Snack later. Hugs now. Um, hugs later too.

It's okay. [Junna kisses her cheek, as they lean their heads close together. Her arms stay wrapped around Lisa -- and she listens. A smile creeps across her face, though it's distant. Koi threw herself in there; Jeanette thought to look after Lisa. That's enough for Junna. Her arms squeeze a little tighter, then, and she exhales.]

Everything's fine now. We can figure it out. [A beat; a moment of hesitation, before she revises that:] We are figuring it out.

[She leans her head atop Lisa's, eyes closed, her face half-buried in Lisa's hair. She said she needed a hug. She's getting one -- and she feels lighter, but she finds herself clingier than she expected to be. But... she needs comfort, too.]

Hugs now. [It's said quietly.] And later. And as much as we need.

I'm holding you to that. I'm going to be... leaning on you a little while longer.

[Physically and emotionally both. But... she's healing. Slowly but surely. After a moment, though, she lets her tone slip into something very overly dramatic, realizing she needs to start letting the pressure out of the pot before she explodes. Uh, again.]

Spirits, though, I don't want to write the reports for this one. Yoshino-san's going to read me the riot act. I might need cuddles for that too.

It's okay. As long as you don't mind me leaning on you right back.

[She blinks at the overly dramatic tone -- and then a smile comes across Junna's face. She hears that, Miss Imai. And thankfully, Junna knows how to match that. Her tone is very serious -- and thus, in turn, not serious at all.]

Ah, whatever shall I do, getting more cuddles. Maybe you can do two reports...?

Don't you dare, missy, I already don't want to do the one! We'll... make a bundle deal out of it. I'll write a big long report for the both of us, and it'll be a nice cuddle pile with a keyboard in our laps. And if the Director doesn't like, then... then... well, I haven't gotten that far, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to tell her to deal with it.

Okay, okay. [Junna laughs. It feels good to... laugh, make a couple of jokes, and not be thinking about the heavy stuff. For just a little bit, after all of that. She smiles -- then hugs against Lisa again.]

That sounds like a good way to handle it. A cuddle pile, especially, sounds nice.

I figured you'd be in for that. We'll... figure it out together. We've kind of gotten through all the nasty parts, so it shouldn't even be hard. Just annoying.

[Lisa lets out a long breath, smiling a little more naturally.]

I'm okay with annoying. It's better than what we've been dealing with up to now. And I know you've got my back if it gets... overwhelming.

Theater Kid's March Comes in Like a Lion

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