yumemigaoka | April catch-all ♫

It's... not super likely. But I don't want to wade through the media circus at the Dreamer Union, in case one of them came to the same conclusion I did. And if I'm wrong, we don't lose much, and she's in command anyway, until Director Yoshino can take over.

[All this said while she, largely on autopilot, accepts the bottle back, shakes out a couple pills for herself, snaps it shut, also accepts the trash from the patch, drops the trash in the kitchen can, chucks the bottle of ibuprofen across the room toward the basket she'd taken it from and spins as it leaves her hand, returns to Junna, gently tugs the bottle of water from her hands, and as she finishes talking, slams the pills and washes them down with brutal efficiency. Then she gently holds the bottle back out for Junna to retake.]

I'd like even more if I were wrong entirely, and it's a false alarm, but... it doesn't feel right.

One of them probably did. If we need to go there, Keiwa-san and I used the parking lot entrance. Library first, though.

[There's a worried look at how Lisa does everything with that brutal efficiency. It's a good clue as to the state she's in. Junna takes the bottled water and has another sip of it. She hesitates for a moment. Then, she nods. Nothing to do but see how bad it is.]

Should we get moving?

You'll have to show me where that entrance is when we get there. I went through the front door the other day... had to fight through the vultures to get there. [She scowls briefly at the memory before shaking her head; it passes quickly enough. Lisa catches that worried expression, though, and she smiles at Junna. She's okay, at least for now.]

Anyway. We should go, yeah. Think the buses are still running normally? I don't really wanna walk... but needs must, I guess.

I'll show you. Hopefully they haven't found it. Or there's security there if not. [She doesn't like the idea of going through the reporters either. It reminds her of dealing with reporters after her own Disturbance. Thinking of them being here for Ai, again, makes her frustrated.

She looks at Lisa. Then she looks down at her ankle, before she looks back up at her. If she's sure of herself, then that's enough for Junna.]

I think so. We can get a cab if not. Just tell me if you need to sit down, okay?

Probably security, at this point. But if we get lucky, I'll be happy.

[She tests her weight again, shifting her weight; it's a little uncomfortable, but she'll be able to move. She looks at Junna and nods sharply.]

As long as I can move, I'm going. But... let's try for a bus first? I could hike, but I won't enjoy it.

Yeah. We'll find out.

[There's a careful look as Lisa shifts her weight -- Junna makes a note to keep near her, just in case. Then, she nods, and she starts for the door. She's got her game face on, now: focus on the job, and compartmentalize worrying for later. The job is get to the library and try to find Ai.]

Sounds good. Let's catch a bus.

[Lisa, as always, counts on her luck being atrocious so she's pleasantly surprised if things go okay after all. So with purpose, she opens the door-

-and wobbles again as the hallway shakes slightly under her when she steps out, before grimacing, shaking her head, and continuing to walk.] Aftershocks... my favorite. Well, we'll just have to be careful. Stick close, okay?

[But once she's locked up behind them, both girls looking a little worse for wear already, she starts toward the elevator with purpose. No stairs for her when she's already worried about her stability like this. Should've packed flats... oh well, nothing for it now. It's a short trip down, and another short walk to the bus stop at the end of the street, followed by a short wait. Which... turns into a slightly longer wait...]

Um. Maybe I should have looked up if there were an emergency announcement about public transit before I planned this on a whim.

Gyah-- [Junna grabs the wall to steady herself, then sighs. Aftershocks always get her by surprise, even after years of living with earthquakes. She looks at Lisa, then there's a small smile. That's putting on smiling face to try to support Lisa as best she can. She can tell she's worried.

So is Junna. But it's easier to externalize that.] I will. I'm ot going anywhere.

[She keeps following -- down the elevator, then the street. She waits at the bus stop with Lisa -- but at the remark, there's a frown. Her eyes widen a little.]

Want me to check?

Um, yes, please.

[Lisa continues to scan the street for a bus as she utters that... but she also strains her ears to try and pick anything up amongst the city noise. The murmur of people going about their day seems... a little agitated at the moment, perhaps for good reason. She hears cars, though maybe fewer than expected. That could be reduced volume because people are worried about another quake, but just as likely it could be because of road damage or a blocked street... and she hears radios and TVs, all talking about the same things. Ai again. Ai, as always- no. No, she can't make out words, not from here, but the tone seems different. It's not talking heads about what it means for our youth's moral fiber, it's... worry for Ai, between the earthquake reporting? What changed in the last ten minutes?]

I... I have a sudden bad feeling. Maybe let's. Let's start walking while we look. I'll be fine, don't mind me.

All right. Don't... if you need to stop to rest your ankle, let me know?

[Junna gets her phone out while they walk. It's just as Lisa says she has a bad feeling that she sees the nose. There's a sharp inhale, as she sees the news story. A video too -- she's not watching that -- but she can tell what happened. And...

And she has to confirm what Lisa is already afraid of. Her voice is quiet, though still audible.]

It's Ai-senpai. She... I'm sorry, Lisa. There's another Disturbance.

[The uneasy feeling in the air is enough that Lisa doesn't slow down at the encouragement, which she acknowledges only with a murmur. If anything, she picks up the pace a little, feeling the protest from the knot in her knee and the stress on her ankles and grimly shoving it aside. That's not something that'll slow Rhodonite down when the time comes, and Lisa... Lisa would rather be moving. If she's moving, she can feel like she's doing something.

So when the news she'd been half-expecting comes across - when she hears the breath from her partner, even before it - there's no explosion. There's no immediate breakdown. There's only the slightest hesitation in her step as she freezes, before she puts one foot in front of the other and keeps moving. Her hands, though... her hands are visibly shaking.]

Of course there is. Of course she is. Of course everything's gone to hell again. [Her tone is bitter, but not despairing. Not... yet; there's a barely-restrained quaver under the black, simmering anger that's also being kept on a leash.] There won't be anything for us to find at the library, then... but I still want to double check. Make sure none of our friends are there and actively freaking out. Then. Then the Dreamer Union, to see what we can do?

[Get to the station. Keep moving. She can have her breakdown when it isn't slowing them down.]

[When Junna sees the way that Lisa's hands shake, her heart sinks. This is so... unfair. First her own Disturbance. Then everything that happened with Ai. And now Ai is trapped in her own. Can't the universe give her girlfriend a break? Can't it let her be happy without reservations for at least a little while? Junna allows herself the moment of anger at the world.

Then she takes a deep breath and gets herself back into the present. Lisa needs her right now. So she reaches out and takes one of those shaking hands, squeezing.]

The library, then. Then we'll go to headquarters. [She keeps walking, but she has a grip on Lisa's hand. She tries to be reassuring.]

We'll do it together, okay?

[Lisa can't focus on anything else right now. Just keep putting one foot in front of the other. If she stops to think, she'll scream. She'll break. She'll cry and she'll rage and she'll collapse and she'll-

Junna's hand is her lifeline, as it's been for months. She squeezes back, hand still shaking, but... it's something to ground her, somehow, despite feeling like her mind's going to stage a protest.]

To-together. Yeah...

[On the upside, her roiling heart and overtaxed mind mean there's nothing left to focus on pain right now! Just. Just keep moving. She has somewhere she has to be and something she has to do... and yet.]

........I don't know if. If I'm ready to do this again.

[Junna looks at Lisa, watching her carefully. It's borderline dangerous -- she isn't watching where she's going, to try to keep a close eye on her girlfriend. Her hand squeezes again as she walks. Her heart is in her throat; her worry for Ai and her worry for Lisa are getting all mixed together. But Lisa's admission gives her pause.

She stops walking.

Then she pulls her into a tight hug. She doesn't have anything she can say to that, immediately. She isn't sure if she is ready. She can't make it so Lisa will be ready; even worse, she can't make it so the guilt of not going in again would go away. She knows it might be much worse to sit this one out.

It's like Junna told Lisa: not knowing can be so, so much worse.

To say nothing of not being there when Ai needs them.

But what she can do is stop for a second, pull Lisa into a tight hug, and make it so they don't have to rush off the cliff when everything is falling apart.]

[Just. Just keep moving. Yeah, she said something that's dangerous, that she probably shouldn't think about, but that's not important now, only to warn Junna what she's in for and explain why she can't stop, gotta-

Junna stops, hand still in hers. Lisa orders her feet to move, heartbeat pulsing in her ears, eyes darting back and forth, looking for the bus she knows isn't coming after the earthquake just minutes ago, plus whatever happened to Ai. She has to keep going. Has to move, or it's- it's-

She should have expected the hug. Should have expected something. She'd asked that they keep each other apprised of their mental states specifically so something like this could be addressed, and yet... it comes out of left field and surprises her, enough that she completely freezes, train of thought ceasing. And when the litany of reminders not to stop, itself stops-

the panic and the fear and the anger set in.]

Yours almost broke me. You're so, so important to me, but... she was my light. She kept me going for so long... [Her voice is hollow, terrified, whisper quiet in the city not quite as full of background noise.] I don't know what to do without her there. I don't know if I can be responsible for going after her. I don't... know if I'm ready to know what's in Senpai's heart.

[Through the litany, the words to keep her from screaming as much as to try and explain to Junna who must be really freaked out right now again, her eyes stare straight into nothing, her arms limp. She's... doing her best to keep from tipping over the edge but it's not going well.]

[Junna wishes she could say she knew it was the right thing to do. She can't. She second guesses herself immediately, wondering if she should have waited until they're somewhere else. But it's too late to think about that now. It's done, and Lisa is on the verge of falling apart in her arms. She keeps those arms around her, looking at Lisa.

Even though she's staring straight ahead at nothing. The pain in her voice and on her face make Junna swallow, nervously.]

Lisa... I'm sorry.

[It's not fair that she has to be threatened with losing Ai. It's not fair that she has to face learning the things that Ai would rather have kept to herself. In the face of that, what can Junna possibly say or do? What can she do for Lisa? She struggles to find the words for a moment. But...

Lisa needs her. She can do this.] It isn't fair. And it isn't right, to have to face it like this. But... senpai will still be your light, whatever you find in there. As terrible as it is now, there's going to be an after. There was for me, right?

[It's not a good place. There is no good place. There's no good time. She knows that, knows better, but sometimes... sometimes Lisa just can't keep the faith any longer. Not for lack of trying. But as her hands slowly ball into still-shaking fists, some life comes back into her tone. Maybe not... the desired kind of life, though.]

It's not fair. None of this is ever fair! Wh-why is this happening!? I- I want to find Crimson and shake answers out of her! I shouldn't have to find out Senpai's secrets like this! I shouldn't have had to find out your secrets like this! We should have gone on more dates and opened up and- and-!

[She sobs, once, choking it back.]

She'll always be my l-light. But I hate this! There sh-shouldn't have to be an after! I- I trust her, but all this just- just gives me doubts! I don't want doubts!

[Maybe it's better that Lisa can get it out now. Junna hates that it's in public like this. She hates that it has to happen at all. But maybe it's better that Lisa didn't have to keep it inside, if it had to happen.

Her arms stay around her girlfriend. Junna leans her head down, by Lisa's. When she talks, her voice is strained. It's hard to hear Lisa cry and not start to choke up herself.]

I know. It's not fair. It's not. [She bites her lip.] But... but we can try to make it more fair, can't we? And we can do our best with what happens, and find the good that can come out of it, right?

[She gently puts a hand on Lisa's cheek, lifting her chin to look into her eyes.]

It's not fair but we'll make it more fair.

[Even through her own tears, she can hear she's setting off Junna. She- she doesn't want that. Not that she can stop herself when she's like this, but... she has to try harder. What a mess she is...

...that's not productive. She'll have plenty of time to be depressed later. Right now... well, right now Junna's trying to help her and she needs to. Try and tune back in.]

We'll... we'll make it fair. Somehow or other. W-we have to. It's... it has to be okay. It has to, right? [The words are as much for her as for Junna.] I- I don't know what good can come of a Disturbance, other than what happens after, but... but there has to be something right? There. There has to.

[Her eyes are still wild as Junna looks into them, even if she's... coming down from the worst of it.]

[Junna does her best to take a deep, steadying breath. The same as her therapist taught her, for moments when it feels like too much. It helps, but it isn't everything. She keeps her arms around Lisa, looking at her. She can see her trying.

There's a little flash of guilt despite herself. Was she enough, then? Did she just make it worse for her?

There's a nod, though, to Lisa's question.] Good can come from it. It--it helped me realize things about myself. Things I might not have learned otherwise. And it brought me even closer to you.

It doesn't mean that it's not awful or unfair. But, it...

[She places her hands on Lisa's shoulders.] ...It was hard, but I'd never give it up. It's the path I walked, and it's the path that led me to you. And led me to myself.

It can be like that for her, too.

I don't know... if I'm the person that should be getting closer to Senpai. It feels. It feels wrong to do it like this. But... I have to try, right? If- if we're going to help her.

[Lisa takes a breath, and lets it out in a slow, shuddering huff.]

I'm a little afraid of... what kind of realization will be waiting. When we get to the depths. She might need it, but it might- [another breath, this one shorter and sharper-] be something that breaks how we see her. Still...

[She still looks miserable. Looking up at Junna, she's pretty sure she's made her miserable too, which. Isn't helping either of them, and she can throw feeling bad about it onto the pile with everything else going wrong today. But her eyes are clearing, determination starting to work its way into her voice.]

I want to help Senpai. I have to help her. Even... even if it hurts. Hurts me, or hurts her. Probably- probably both, just like last time. It... it doesn't stop what needs to be done. Yeah?

Yeah. We... we can't pick a different outcome, where this never happened. [Junna's hands still rest on Lisa's shoulders, and she looks at her -- her expression is still intense. She hesitates to see how Lisa looks so miserable.

But, it's something they have to push it back.] Maybe. But... we just have to have faith that she's still the same person we care about. Even if there's more to her, it doesn't mean that all of that goes away.

[There's a nod, then.] Yeah. We'll do what we have to, and--and we'll be there for each other, whatever happens. To pick each other up. And keep moving.

April catch-all ♫

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