OPEN ✿ June Catch-All

[hanamane]

⭐ Who: Amane and YOU
⭐ When: Throughout June
⭐ Where: Moon Bunny Market (namely @ Camellia), Riverwalk Theater, Dream Sphere (Slumbering City and N E W L O C A T I O N)
⭐ What: PLANT GAYS, Kaiju movies, Hanako being sulky about missing Dreamer-versary things and a Completely Normal Dreamer bonding trip gone horribly, terribly wrong
⭐ Warnings: Possible mentions of chronic illness in meta text, spiders, Dream Sphere death by miasma poisoning; will update with top-levels and further warnings if need be!

Comments

[hanamane]

[Amane's been through this song and dance enough in his life to know when to let people know when he was actually seriously ill, so the fact he's being as blasé about it as he was right now is... rather telling, honestly! He slumps further into his seat as she fusses over him, feeling more and more wretched the further he goes. It was one thing to give her grief through stupid, harmless pranks and teasing, but it was another thing entirely when she was so genuinely concerned over his well-being. He can practically feel those eyes of hers boring a hole into him as she stares him down, and he could lie to her, he's done it before and he could do it again...]

I said, it's nothing. It's just--

[... but he can't. Ai was the only person he could talk to in the Waking World right now who probably would fully understand the situation he was in. Sure, he gave the Cliff Notes explanation to his parents, to his brother, to assure them he wasn't coming down with something again, but... they weren't Dreamers. They didn't know the weight and the pains that came along with it.]

... it's just a Dreamer thing. That's all.

[His voice is barely a mumble, both from the reluctance of admitting that much, and also out of fear someone might eavesdrop. The area was fairly empty, so it wasn't all that likely, but it never hurt to be cautious regardless.]

[liedol]

[ And that is enough to finally give her pause. The concern doesn't vanish, but the fussy energy finally subsides as a look of understanding dawns on her face. ]

. . . I see.

[ There's a pause, where it's not clear whether or not she's going to push on that or leave him be. But then she glances up and down the market just to make sure there's nobody else around and... promptly scoots her way around the table so she can stoop down next to him. It's fine, she has honorary aunt privileges. ]

You were ejected. [ Her voice is at once softer and yet a little firmer, too – right now, she's switched tracks to senpai Ai. ] It must've been bad if you're still feeling the effects.

[ Not quite a question – but an offer for him to fill in the details, if he wants. ]

[hanamane]

[He doesn't even try to stop her from ducking around the table (not that he could anyway-- one doesn't try to stop Ai Hoshino when her mind is set on something, plus... yes, honorary aunt privileges, too), his form slouched and his head nestled into the crook of his arms. It takes him a long moment before he finally responds, his fingers picking idly at the fabric of his shirt sleeves as he debates on how much he actually wants to say about all of this.]

... yeah.

[It wasn't as if it was the first time he had been ejected, though-- the infamous incident with Cinnabar accidentally covering him with liquid mercury had hardly been a pleasant experience, and it had left Amane with an annoying rash and little appetite for nearly week after it happened. But that was different story; it hadn't been his fault that it happened (well, mostly-- he could have tried to give a bigger berth to someone wielding toxic metal, but that was besides the point!!), so it was easier to chalk it up to the situation and his inexperience and move past it. But this time... it was different. He was supposed to be the responsible one, the one showing someone else the ropes, and what did he do? He got them hurt, along with the person who (rightfully) tagged along because they were concerned about him screwing something up.

Amane burrows his head further into his arms, his voice muffled as he continues on.]

It was my first outing as a Mentor, too.

[It's easy to hear the hurt, bitter edge to his words there, despite the muted noise, filled with both the frustration and the disappointment he didn't want to state aloud. He wouldn't have been the first Mentor it had happened to, and definitely not the last, but... he was still a thirteen year old boy, one who just so happened to get a rude wake-up call from all of his misguided confidence of youth.]

.. it sucks.

[Well, he'll allow himself that, at least-- there's no denying that the situation is anything but crappy.]

[liedol]

[ Ah. That explains things. Not just the cough but the reticence and the withdrawnness, both uncharacteristic enough of him that she'd been... not alarmed, but concerned. For good reason, it seems. Amane's always been good at what he does over in the Dream Sphere and having a mentor like Ai-Doll has probably done a lot to cushion some of the worst potential failures. But now Ai wonders if she hadn't cushioned him a little too much – he'd graduated faster than expected and done so well, but it also means he hasn't quite learned how to pick himself back up after a fall like this.

What's that old saying? Failure is the best teacher? She's not sure if she believes it, but... ]

Mm. It sure does. And I bet you've been beating yourself up this whole time, thinking you really messed up, huh?

[ She doesn't even need an answer to that. She can see it all over his face and...

Well. She'd be doing the same thing. ]

I hate to say it, but... messing up a little bit is an important part of learning. Not just for you, but for your trainees, too. I know it wasn't fun but the thing about dreaming like we do is that it's not always fun – but when it's so bright and exciting over there, it's easy to forget.

[ She lifts her hand and applies the patented Hoshino Ai Headpat. ]

But you did your best. Right?

[hanamane]

[He thought he had gotten all of his tears out of the way the first night he had been kicked out of the Dream Sphere-- the nasty cough had made crying a more frustrating experience than a cathartic one-- but there was something about Ai's words coupled with that headpat that made the floodgates open right back up again. Was it the lack of judgement in her voice? The understanding? The slight relief of getting it off of his chest, even in this minor capacity? Or was he just upset that she wasn't mad enough at him for screwing something like this up?

Regardless of the reason, he was going to keep his head buried in his arms still, the only tells of his tears being the slight sniffle behind his mask and the dampness on his shirtsleeves. It was silly to feel self-conscious about crying in front of Ai-- after all, how many times had she seen him wailing as a child when Tsukasa had broken one of his toys, or when he wasn't feeling well?-- but he was getting to that age where being vulnerable was a less than ideal thing, something he didn't even want to show around his own parents. He had thought he was getting stronger, more sure of himself, both here and in the Dream Sphere... but all it took was one bad misstep to shatter that veil of invincibility.

His voice is thick with emotion when he tries to answer her question, and he attempts to swallow it down, even it out so she doesn't have more to worry over. Because... he wanted to believe he did his best. He wanted to so badly. But--]

I--I thought I did. But-- I could have done more. I could have protected them better, but instead...

[Instead, Cinnabar got ambushed and Mantle succumbed to the poison in the air-- kinder fates than what Amane himself wound up enduring (spiders no doubt were going to leave him jumpy for a while), but perhaps preventable if he had been paying better attention. Maybe he should have taken pride in the fact he was the last to fall, but all he could feel was the resounding guilt of not being able to save them sooner.]

[liedol]

That's the thing about just getting started. There's always going to be something you look back on and think "I should've done this" or "I never should've done that" – that's what people mean when they say hindsight's 20-20.

[ Despite everything, there's a warm swell of pride that comes with his words. Amane isn't just frustrated because he failed himself – he's upset because he felt like he couldn't protect the people who were relying on him. That means his heart's in the right place... and really, as a mentor, that's about the only thing she could ask for. ]

But that just means that when you do go back, you'll be a little smarter and a little quicker to fix things. The only way to know how to avoid making mistakes is... well, you've just gotta make a few. It never gets any more fun, but the more it happens and the more you learn, the easier it'll get.

[ The hand that had been laying on his head moves around to his shoulders as she gives him a gentle, one-armed hug. ]

I'm always going to be proud of how hard you work no matter how many mistakes you make, you know? That's what learning is.

[hanamane]

[There's no denying that one of Amane's main motivations to being a Dreamer was the sheer freedom of it all-- getting to discover and explore new places, reveling in the strength and capabilities of his new form, and generally thriving in the vast endless possibilities. But if that was the only thing that was driving him, treating the Dream Sphere like his personal candy-colored playground, then he wouldn't have graduated nearly as fast as he did. It was his desire to protect that gave him the courage and grit to face down all the nasty monsters in his path-- to protect this new life, to protect the others fighting alongside him, and to protect those in the Waking World from becoming victims like Tsukasa did. Despite his trollish antics indicating otherwise, he really did want to keep others safe, especially those who relied on him to do so-- so it made this failure a much more bitter pill to swallow.

So he sits there, quietly, absorbing Ai's words like a sponge, not daring to speak lest his voice betrays his emotions again. Everything she says, logically, makes sense-- it's trial and error, after all, and astronomy itself was built off of people continually building and improving upon mistakes. But, emotionally... will he have to deal with this sort of guilt and heartbreak every time he screws up in the Dream Sphere now? If he had a weaker resolve, this would be the time to question whether he was cut out for this life-- but for as much as this hurt, Amane knew he could never give it up. Not over this.

It's that last line that hits him the hardest, however, wrenching a tiny, choked back sob from the back of his throat. He feels that arm of hers draw him in for a hug, and, after a moment's hesitation, he lifts up his head and carefully rests it upon her shoulder. There's a half-hearted attempt to scrub off any tears still threatening to escape with the heel of his hands, pushing his mask askew in the process, though there's no hiding the red-rimmed, puffy eyes that peek out from underneath his choppy dark bangs. Maybe he was still just a kid after all, one who needed a hug and a reassuring word from someone who truly understood after a particularly hard day.]

... guess I really am coming back to you for help this soon, aren't I? Thought it'd be another few months, at least.

[liedol]

Heehee. If you want to get technical about it, I was the one who butted in first. So you haven't come back for help just yet.

[ She gives his hair a gentle, playful ruffle. ]

Just take it slow and get better and then when you're feeling up to it again, we'll go out and find someplace cool to explore over there. And we'll beat up a couple Torments as your revenge match.

[ She gives him a grin, trying to encourage a smile onto his face. ]

You think you're up for that?

[hanamane]

[Amane presses his cheek a little into her shoulder as she ruffles his hair, like a cat leaning into a pet, not caring how much of a needy little kid he looked like at the moment. He let's out a small noise of... reluctant acknowledgement, maybe, at her correction, before making another swipe at his damp face. Technicalities or not, he was still here crying on her not even a week after he moved up in ranks, so that had to be a new record for messing around and finding out, probably.

There's a cold, uneasy feeling prickling in his chest at Ai's offer, however, just for a moment, and the very presence of it gives him pause. An opportunity to go exploring with her would normally leave him excited-- ecstatic, even-- but instead, that eagerness is tempered by something a bit more apprehensive. Ai has been doing this Dreamer thing since well before he was born, so it goes without saying she knew how to handle herself much better than he did. But... what if something unexpected wound up happening on this Excursion together? What if they ran into a Torment or Nightmare they couldn't escape, and he wasn't able to watch her back? He never really worried about stuff like this before, having had enough confidence in Ai's skills and his own, but-- the very idea of possibly seeing her get seriously hurt or even ejected from the Dream Sphere left him feeling unsettled. Of all the people Amane wanted to keep safe as a Dreamer, Ai was at the top of the list.

... Of course, no doubt she probably had gotten into scrapes and mishaps WAY worse than this during her time as Ai-Doll, so perhaps stressing over this was a moot point. Still, that sliver of doubt had wormed it's way in there, and he's afraid of even bringing it up lest the powers that be somehow turn his worries into a possibility. So instead, he offers her a smile back, unable to resist the sunshine in her grin even in this state of his, though it's a bit more muted and reserved compared to his usual ones.]

... yeah. Let's do that, then.

[Even his voice, which he was trying to keep light and agreeable (despite the slight creak that came along with his tears), was a bit lower in energy then one would expect from such an offer. He was grateful for it, and maybe once he got back on his feet again, these worries would vanish, but...]