yumemigaoka | Theater Kid's March Comes in Like a Lion

Theater Kid's March Comes in Like a Lion

⭐ Who: Junna Hoshimi... and you!
⭐ When: Throughout March!
⭐ Where: In Yumemigaoka!
⭐ What: March catch-all!
⭐ Warnings: Junna's grappling with some heavy stuff, so... threads could get into parents not being great, some homophobia, and other things. There's also some implicit sleeping together (nothing NSFW though) in the Lisa and Junna thread, if that's a thing you prefer to avoid!

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[Junna smiles a little bit wider when Lisa says she could also get distracted. It's good to know that sometimes they're on the same page.

And it's her turn to listen, now. She is quiet -- blinking at the idea that she's too clever -- and then she nods her head. She did try to hold onto some small sliver of hope. Even if she'd fallen so far, felt so blinded, that she tried to fight everyone. She didn't completely succumb. She let them reach her, when she found her. Junna leans forward, her forehead resting against Lisa's. She puts her hand on her cheek.]

...th-thanks. I... I still feel guilty for it, but... but I'm glad. You're amazing, too. You kept pushing, to find me, and help me, and... [She trails off. Is it too early to say that?] ...I-I know I should let you finish. But, I can see... I can see how much I mean to you. That's important, too.

[Lisa relaxes into the touch, taking as much comfort as she can. She's happy - knows she's going to have to bare her heart a few more times in the next several minutes but she trusts Junna, save for the truly worst parts where she's still a little unsure if she'll be okay - and she's basking in that while she has it.]

I appreciate that. I... everyone knows I went a little crazy, but I'm not sure anyone truly understands how far gone I was, toward the end. If it hadn't been for... a thing I'm getting to in a second... I don't think I would have left, that last week. But it's... because I needed you. [.....her face doesn't cool any. She could be using even more charged words but this gets it across without making her sound insane, given the rest of what she's got.] So I get why you still feel guilty, and I'm not going to deny that. I did some things I'm not proud of, but I'm willing to own those things. I'll take my lumps if it means I can keep moving forward.

[Lisa hesitates again; she should probably go on, but one, the mood isn't quite right, and two... she's not sure she wants to be able to feel Junna's reaction for the next part. It'd kill her if Junna didn't accept her after hearing the rest of what happened in the depths. She knows better, but...]

Feeling okay? Lemme know if you want a little more recharge time. But... I should probably finish or we're going to be here until they throw us out, yeah?

[Junna's fingers brush gently over Lisa's cheek, while her forehead stays leaned against hers. She's loving every moment of this, too. It's a good pick-me-up -- and she has a sense, and Lisa has heavily implied, that there's more to come. She can't imagine something that would push her away. But there's that little nervousness, in the back of her mind; that worry, that won't be fully banished until she hears.]

...Mm. Me, too. I don't think... I can just turn off feeling guilty about it. But I'll try to keep moving forward, too. I-I want to hear, though. What else happened, in that last week.

[Junna's quiet for a moment more. Then, she nods her head. That entails pulling back a little -- though she keeps her arms around Lisa. The pool can wait; it might wait til next time, even. She thinks she'd rather hold her, at least a little, while she hears this.]

I'm okay to keep going. Promise.

[Well, Lisa got one of her wishes. But not the one that worried her. So she'll have to double down on trusting Junna to understand her when she didn't really understand herself. She takes a long breath and does her best to smile, although she knows she's... probably going to lose her composure in the immediate future.]

O-okay. I'll... let me go on. We're down to about the last week, by now. There's something past the poster, of course, but... a few days after we first found how to get past Caesar-chan, I tried to get through, but Nikki- ah, Sonic was blocking the door to her room. I tried to get past him, asked him to move, but he- he told me to go home. [Lisa's grin turns... brittle. She remembers how this goes. And she hates that this is what solidified something so important to her in her mind.] I told him my home was trapped in the Disturbance, and to let me through. And then... he attacked me? Not for real, but a... warning charge? I- I never saw him coming. But... I. I yelled at him to move or I'd go through him. And he attacked me again, so... I said if he wanted me to go home, to make me. And I... [Her voice is a whisper.] And I sang.

[It comes out with the gravity of "I shot him", tone miserable, eyes haunted. Which. She also did, if not effectively. Most of that fight from her perspective was a whirl even without the haze of depression clouding everything, and it's hard to characterize as she tries to describe the feeling of being totally outclassed but unwilling to give in.]

I... he's so fast... he kicked a chair at me? I hid behind a fake plant, and he scared me and kicked me and I blasted him but I only found out later I even hit him at all? And I-I...

[Nope. She's gonna have to calm down a little more before she can go on. Lisa's shaking a little, but not as bad as she's been before.]

['My home was trapped in the Disturbance,' Lisa says, and Junna's heart melts a little. She knew, now, on some level. It's another thing, though, to hear what Lisa did because of that. She can't say it makes her happy. Seeing Lisa suffer like this, seeing how upset she is... no, she isn't happy about that. Sometimes love pushes them to places they didn't know they could go. And Lisa already said how hard she was pushing herself. She is alarmed, though, to hear that Sonic attacked her. Her eyes blink.

Even if she starts to get it. He was making her take a break, when she couldn't make herself take one.

Junna stares at her for a second. Lisa sang. She fought back, fought for Junna, even if it was desperate and misguided. She can see the toll it took on Lisa; the way she's starting to shake, her voice stammering, and Junna swallows. Then, she pulls Lisa into a hug, tightly.]

Oh, Lisa... I'm sorry. [Her voice is quiet, but she clarifies, then, because she knows how it sounds:] You were pushed to the breaking point. It doesn't mean you failed because you had a bad day. Because you thought you'd... [Her voice trembles.] ...you'd lose someone so important to you.

You're still here. You're still taking a step forward.

[...the tight hug helps, and the shaking lessens, her throat loosening a little. Junna's... not angry on principle. Or, well, maybe she is, but she's not blaming Lisa for that, and that's... enough for now?

But.]

He- he said I was better than what I was showing him. Which. I-it isn't wrong, but I don't- I don't know how to fight people, Junna, I don't want to fight people! But I-I snapped, and I exploded on him. I was- I was so frustrated and so angry and so lonely and so tired and I couldn't- I couldn't hold it back anymore!

[Too much of the emotion from the moment is still caught up in her memories of it from two short weeks ago - it feels like months, how was it only two weeks - and she can feel her pulse quickening, her eyes tearing up. Her arms are still at her sides; she doesn't feel like she can hug Junna back, too many of the things she said are haunting her all over again. But she said she'd do it, and she's too far gone now. She has to tell her, has to make sure she understands, has to has to hasto-]

"Nobody believes I'm any better than this. Nobody ever has," I screamed at him, while I shot at him like it was the only thing I knew how to do, putting holes in the walls, like I really wanted to hurt him! "That's why I'm here in the first place!" [Her hands ball into fists and the tears flow freely.] "Silly Lisa, never smart enough, n-never kind enough, never pr-pretty enough," I told him! "N-n-not obedient enough! Not strong enough-!!" [Her voice cracks on the last condemnation and she sobs; she wobbles for a second, knees almost giving out, but Junna's already holding her and she manages to get her feet back under her before she pulls the both of them down.] I went way past m-my breaking point, Junna, and it sucked! It's w-why I was such a godsdamned mess when you c-came over last week!

[Junna listens, quietly, at first. There's a flinch when she hears Lisa's voice shaking like that. Admitting she couldn't hold her emotions back anymore, admitting how bad things got. She looks at Lisa, and her arms shift a little -- holding her up, sliding underneath Lisa's arms to make sure she doesn't fall. She holds her, still, and she looks down at her as her knees almost give out. She bites her lower lip; it whitens under her teeth. It hurts to hear her say those things.

They're not things she would ever think of her. Her wonderful, amazing girlfriend, who looks after others, who tries as hard as anyone she has ever met, who never lets her walk out the front door without adjusting her coat if it's askew, who has cookies for everyone when they need it. Junna's expression is one that's hurt. And she waits for a second, for Lisa to finish talking.

And a little longer after that. Then, her hands come up, her fingers cupping Lisa's face. She wipes, gently, under her eyes with her numbs.]

You're not your worst moments, Lisa. You're not. [Her voice is quiet and it trembles when she speaks. She's having to struggle to not cry, herself. It's hard to not, when she sees Lisa crying. But she manages.] You don't stop being all the wonderful things you are because everything came on at once, it piled up, and it pushed you past that point. I-I don't look at you and...

[She leans her head back in, forehead against Lisa's. Her voice is quiet and steady.]

...I see the kindest person I know, who reaches out when someone needs it. One of the smartest people I've ever met, because you know what moves a person's heart. The most beautiful woman I've seen. And... [She leans in, kissing Lisa softly on the lips, even if they're trembling. It's a brief kiss.] ...The best person I've known. You're the best because even if you're at your lowest, even if you're pushed past your breaking point, you're asking how you can be better. Not making excuses for how you got there. You're so much more more than enough. And--and even if you were a mess--

[Junna swallows, still with her forehead against hers.] I was pushed past my breaking point. I hurt people. I attacked Nene-chan, and Olruggio and Zeke-san, and Jeannette-chan, and--and you still... [She trembles.] You still love me. You still said I'm wonderful. You let me stay. [Her cheeks heat up, again.] And... you made sure you knew how you felt, when you did.

It's easier to start to love myself, when I know someone as wonderful as you loves me. So... [She smiles, and she half-laughs and half-cries, finding her eyes are starting to tear up.] ...I love you. I won't ever turn my back on you, I just--I want you to feel the same way about yourself as I feel about you, some day.

One step at a time, together.

[It's amazing, really, how Lisa can find new ways to screw up even at this late stage, after everything's already over. She managed to scream that nobody believes in her in her girlfriend's mind palace. She didn't mean to include Junna in that, of course, but... depression does some nasty things to your ability for rational thought, huh? The hurt look in Junna's eyes feels terrible when she knows she put it there, and she's sure she's going to hear about it. She's going to get yelled at, going to be semi-softly chastised for not knowing when to quit or how to censor herself - or for leveling that accusation at all.

Until Junna gently brushes away her tears, after Lisa's finally spit out everything she's been holding back for two weeks. Confusion is written on her face for a moment; why is she not being yelled at? Why is Junna... defending her, once she starts talking, finally? Holding her upright and kindly looking into her eyes? It. It doesn't make any sense.

Except, as she keeps her mouth shut and forces herself to listen instead of denying, she realizes that maybe she was wrong. Sure, she screwed up. She screwed up a lot in the Disturbance, and she doesn't have a perfect track record after it, either. But... maybe that's okay. Junna sees her strengths, and accepts her faults. One by one, the weaknesses she'd lived with and accepted for six years are lifted from her shoulders. Not removed - that's not reasonable after such a short conversation, and far more than Lisa could ask for. More than she deserves, maybe, even after that grand declaration. But she feels lighter. Less... chained down. There's someone to share the weight of her past. And even both their burdens together are lighter than hers were alone, when someone's helping her carry that weight.

So her head feels a little clearer as Junna starts in on the things she did. Which... yeah. A Disturbance was always going to end that way. But at the same time, it's a real concern. Junna did lash out at their friends with malice and intent. She wasn't entirely home in her body when she did it, but she did it, and that's something they'll both have to accept and live with. Most of their friends and colleagues understand the distinction, but... it's still something you can't just write off. Lisa was sure as hell scared of Hibiki two weeks ago, despite knowing Hibiki wouldn't hurt her on purpose, a distinction Lisa can't make about herself anymore. A distinction she hopes doesn't scare people away from her, but she can't really blame them if it does.

But... it all comes back to Junna. Lisa's voice is a quiet croak as she speaks for the first time in a few minutes, halting and tentative but not without hope.] I still want to feel that way. You'll... you'll show me, though. So I- I don't know if I agree... with all of that. But what I think maybe- isn't as important. If nobody else believes it, then maybe I shouldn't either, yeah? [The tiniest ghost of a smile appears on Lisa's face. Slowly, delicately, her arms finally rise from her sides to wrap around her most precious person, eyes closing as she leans just a little into Junna where their foreheads meet. She feels exhausted, suddenly.] Of course I let you stay. Of course you're wonderful. I love you too, Junna. So much. I... I'm so lucky to have you. And I hope I can make you feel that, too.

[She takes a long, shuddering breath, tears slowed but not stopped. Still... she'll be okay, somehow.]

Together, you and I. No matter what.

[Junna feels a growing nervousness. No, a fear -- that she hasn't understood Lisa, somehow, and that she overstepped some boundary. That maybe somehow, Junna did the wrong thing. It's an intrusive thought, one that creeps into her mind. But it all starts to fade as Lisa speaks. Her voice sounds rough, Junna thinks, when she hears it. Her hands still on the sides of Lisa's face, and she looks at her.

The worry isn't gone entirely. Not when Lisa says she doesn't know if she agrees with all of that -- or that maybe what she thinks isn't so important. But she sees that smile, fragile smile. And she feels those arms wrap around her, and Lisa leans into her a little bit.

Then, Junna leans back against her. And there's a little more to that lean. She needs someone to lean on right now, too.]

You do, Lisa. You... you make me feel it whenever I'm with you. [She takes a hesitant, shuddering breath.] I know it... it takes time. It'll take time for me, too. But we'll get there together. Until we both can we believe it. [Her thumb brushes another few tears away, and she leans more against Lisa. Junna smiles at her, even more, as she looks into her eyes.]

No matter what. [Her voice gets quieter. There's a little fragility in her voice, now, and in her expression. But she still smiles at Lisa.] I'm... I'm lucky I have you, too. I don't know what I'd do, where I'd be, if I didn't.

[There's a certain... tentative feeling she gets off of Junna for a moment, and that concerns her a little. It's totally understandable given the way she's acting, but it's still a little worrying? But it seems like it might have just been concern she said something wrong, given Lisa took so long to put her thoughts in order. Which is also totally understandable. Maybe... maybe this'll be okay after all, somehow.]

Even if it takes a while... we have time. We have all the time we need. We'll get there, in the end, and we'll find our happiness, together.

[That smile... that perfect smile is so precious to her. That's what she fought so hard to protect, and her face colors a little when she finally sees it after Junna brushes her eyes clear again. Her own smile returns properly, warm and affectionate if still a little uneasy.]

I don't know either. Probably nowhere good, just like when I think about where I'd be without you. And I don't want you to ever have to find out, okay? [Lisa reluctantly lets one arm drop from around Junna's waist to bring it up to cover one of the hands on her own face, thumb rubbing over the back of it.] I know I'm, um, not really in a position to say this when you're standing here wiping tears off my face, but. I'm not going to let that happen. Not as long as I have anything to say about it.

[A pause, mouth open, before it closes and she makes a face perhaps best described as "sheepish with a tinge of regret."]

...although I probably shouldn't. Go on a rampage like that again.

We've got plenty of time. [Junna's voice is quiet. But, she smiles, and she hugs Lisa again. Her arms stay around her, and she looks at her.] And we will. We... we are. I know it was a rough few weeks, but--but I'm happier these last couple of weeks than I have been in awhile.

[She sees the uneasiness, and that gives Junna pause for just a second. Then, she brushes a tear away -- and Junna smiles a little brighter to see that Lisa's smile is back with all the warmth she expected. She exhales a little, though, at what Lisa promises. She doesn't want to imagine life without her. It still surprises Junna, in a way; how much she came to rely on Lisa, how big a part of her life she became, in these last few months.

But she doesn't want a life without her.]

I-I'm going to hold you to that. [Her voice trembles just a little, but hearing Lisa's going to make sure she isn't alone... well, that hits home after the Disturbance. In a good way. She smiles, squeezing the hand that Lisa takes, and then she laughs a little.]

...Maybe no rampages for a bit. But... but don't beat yourself up, too, okay? [After all, they know why Lisa did it. She looks at her, her expression thoughtful.] You... um. You got back here, back to me. That's what matters.

Edited 2025-04-02 23:37 (UTC)

[The fresh hug is grounding for her, but the affirmation speaks volumes, and she seems to cheer up a little more.] That's all I can ask for. That's all I really want. Happy, healthy, not stressed out of our minds. I can help with two and we're... working on the third? I'll take it.

[The laugh makes her giggle softly herself, shaking her head faintly.]

Everything in moderation, got it. Love, war, and everything in between, so I can come home safe at the end of the day to you. [Lisa huffs briefly.] No thanks to Sonic. He, um, did send me back the hard way, after all that. Not unkindly, but... Please don't let me forget again that I'm supposed to protect people instead of trying to turn them into pincushions? And please don't hate him too much for it. I- I understood what he was trying to do, even if I couldn't accept it then. I'm... [She searches for words, for a moment.] I'm mad at him, but I can't really blame him. He did the best he could with the tools he had, yeah?

Mm-hm. We're... we're getting to all of those. And we'll get there. One step at a time, together. [Maybe that's becoming a mantra for her -- for them? -- but Junna will take it. She smiles again -- and watches her shake her head.

There's a beat.]

Maybe not love in moderation. [Junna gets a playful smile.] But everything else. As long as you--as we both come back home, safe. [But there is a pause; it takes a second for Junna to register Lisa's meaning. Sonic had to hurt her in the Dream Sphere enough to wake her up. There is a flash of feeling angry... but Lisa pointing that out helps her tone that down to a reasonable level.]

I don't... like you getting hurt, but... I understand. I'll try to not give him too much of an earful. [She smiles a little bit. The protectiveness is kicking in.] I'll remind you, though. I promise.

Mm! Together. Home safe and sound, everything in order. [Lisa isn't entirely sure what to do as Junna digests the end of her battle with Sonic and her subsequent break, because she started it, even if she had good reason, but he finished it. But... no, there is something. So even as Junna starts to move past it on her own, Lisa tightens her grip a bit, feeling a little more confident.] I'm still not asking you to be happy with me getting my butt kicked, so I get it. [She grins weakly; her heart isn't entirely in it, but she's cheering up a bit.] I'm counting on you to keep me in line.

[There's a moment while she calms down and resets her mind; she's almost done, and then she can let herself relax for a bit and just be. Lisa lets her head droop into Junna's shoulder.]

Just a little bit left now. The... the most physically painful part, but it's less emotionally draining, I guess. Tell me when? I'm... I'm not exactly going to enjoy it, but it'll be good to get the last of it out of my system, I think.

Right... right, I will. [She can try to help with that. And not letting being annoyed that Lisa got hurt -- even if it was in the Dream Sphere -- bother her too much. But she doubts she can turn that off. Junna keeps her arms around her, then she looks at her for a moment while she explains. Physically painful, but less emotionally draining? That makes her wonder.

Which--which means she should ask, rather than ruminate.]

Sure. I'm ready, if you are.

No, but I'll start anyway. Better to just get it over with, I think. [With a soft sigh, Lisa starts in again.] Behind the poster was the backstage area. Stuff was strewn everywhere - props, backdrops, you couldn't move a meter without bumping into something. Which was the problem, it was a maze, and the prize was in the center: you. There was a staircase up to the stage, and we could see you up there, and all we had to do was reach you - you were right there - but... there was some... big... black... star... red... thing?? It kept shooting at us. Throwing things at us. Dropping lights and setpieces on us. Strobing lights, I had a headache for days. I'm getting a headache now thinking about it. So we had that to contend with while we were tyring to get through, but as long as we didn't stick out trying to move forward, it... kind of ignored us? We ran out of cover eventually, but... I'll come back to that.

[Lisa shakes her head, and her expression dims.]

The bigger problem was that you could never trust anything you saw was what it looked like. There were Torments in there, and... also things scarier than Torments. I saw a couple, big, nasty things, and I took a few scary shots. At one point I ran into some kind of space set - command consoles, starry backdrops, cushy chairs. And I fought someone that looked straight out of Star Journey, it was weird. I think he was a Torment? But he found this weird... alien blaster thing. Kinda like Caesar-chan's knives, definitely looked real enough to do damage. And I- nn! [She gasps and twitches; her right arm comes back from around Junna to hold her side. Lisa's face pales a little and her eyebrows are creased; she sure seems like she's in pain, but from what?] Psychosomatic bullshit- guh. Um. I may have gotten shot. Again. In the same place. I'm not really hurt but it's bugging me sometimes, still. But it really, really hurt in the moment, and I may have screamed bloody murder. And screaming attracted attention. I'd just finished dealing with the jerk that shot me, aaaaand then Hibiki's Night Terror came around a corner? Somehow???

Mm... yeah. [Junna frowns as she listens. She doesn't quite know what to make of herself being the prize -- though, she supposes, that might also be the artifice of the Disturbance. It had to put her somewhere in there. She frowns, as she hears about the Nightmare fighting them.] That... I guess it was a--a star, like something you'd reach for on the stage.

[She blinks, then, as she hears about the strange alien-like Torment. Or worse, perhaps. And then Junna gets a jolt as Lisa gasps, twitching sharply like that. It makes Junna adjust a little, hugging her again.] It's--it's okay, Lisa. I... that sounds terrifying. I'm-- [No, she tells herself, stop apologizing. They went over this.

She looks down for a second. But what Lisa says, next, makes her look up with surprise. The question of 'how?' is writ large on her face. She shakes her head, quickly.] I-I--how? I can't think of... why that would be. What did you do? Did you--did you fight it, again, or--?

A star... I guess that makes sense, sure. Except instead of reaching it we had to figure out how to hit it. I, um. I can't fly. Gungnir kept getting shot out of the sky. It was a whole experience.

[She initially misses Junna's reassurance through the haze of pain; it eases after a moment, and she takes a breath, feeling like she can think again.]

I'm... I'm fine. I just get a phantom pain sometimes. It... looked really gnarly at first? I had a big, kinda-open wound in my side, my dress was burned through, it probably would have bled a lot if the gun hadn't cauterized it shut in the first place. [Junna will, ironically, observe this is the exact spot Lisa also indicated she's ticklish. Are the two related?] It was scary and I thought I was going to pass out. But, uh, it's a good thing I didn't! I found out why she was there, but I'll get to that later for dramatic effect. [Lisa sighs.] Yes, I... ended up singing again. Hibiki's dark twin decided I needed a hole torn in me with her claws. I did my best but... after getting winged I just didn't have the energy, and like I said before... I don't know how to fight people. She's almost as fast as Sonic is, you know? And hits harder! And flies!! And has wing barriers!!! [She's... whining a little, but that fight sucked.] So she really only had to get in close once, even if it actually took her two tries because I blew her away the first time. Then she, uh, hit me in the same spot again, and I kinda remember going through a couple walls, or maybe backstops, and I... I blacked out? I didn't wake up, but I definitely wasn't fully conscious for a bit.

...so my psyche likes to design overtuned Dim Spirits boss fights. Wonderful. [Junna sighs a little melodramatically. And that...

...that was absolutely a joke. Because seeing the way Lisa looks pained -- and describing what she remembers -- makes her think they might need something to cut the tension. She winces, a little, and she sucks in a breath. But Lisa is here. She is -- well, she's okay enough. She doesn't sound like she was okay in the moment. Junna swallows, and she tries to not let the panic at imagining how much that hurt -- worse, how much Lisa hurt, and how upsetting that is -- derail her. But when she reaches for and squeezes Lisa's hand, now, it's not just for Lisa's comfort.]

That... that sounds awful. What... what happened, when you came to? [There's a glance at that spot. She looks at it, with worry, but then it's back to Lisa's eyes.]

Your psyche can't hold itself up under the weight of your ambition when you're going full speed. [Her tone is a little clipped, a little breathless, but she's... dealing with it.] You're wonderful, and I love that you're working so hard to bring your dreams to life. But you've been pushing yourself really hard from the moment I met you. Everything gets so jumbled that it's hard to keep it all straight and not trip over yourself going from thing to thing. [The smile Lisa gives her is pained, but not unkind.] And sometimes it can make you see your problems as worse than they are. Or... see problems that aren't there.

[She lets the hint stand for a minute, before she sighs. She's skipping over the fight and the desperate struggle not to get turned into a pancake. Which she lost pretty handily......]

I must have called her name while I was out. By the time I came to, Hibiki - the real thing - was crouched over me, calling my name, and beside herself that she'd hurt me. I don't know what she saw - I'm a little afraid to ask - but the thing I thought was her Night Terror, was just Gungnir. I, um, couldn't walk, so she picked me up and carried me out herself. I'm pretty sure I had some kind of internal bleeding, which I dind't think I could have over there? I was coughing up blood on her fancy white-accented costume the whole ride up.

Edited (icon lol) 2025-04-07 15:09 (UTC)

...that's... [It stings a little to have Lisa really hit the nail on the head. But, she thinks, she should get used to that. They know each other too well, now, and that means sometimes they'll see something the other didn't. Losing the forest for the trees, or whatever the saying is English. Junna smiles back, even if it's strained. It's not unkind, either, and her fingers squeeze Lisa's.] It can't. And I... I do. Sometimes I find a problem, because I really want a solution, and I'll pick the one I think I do have.

[She blinks her eyes -- and then she exhales with relief. She realizes, though: it was the real Hibiki that she fought. Her Disturbance made illusions, so they would fight each other. Junna isn't sure what it says about her.]

I'm... [The apology slips out, despite her best efforts.] ...I'm sorry, Lisa. I-I know it's... it's what we talked about, but... I'm sorry you were hurt so badly by something that my brain helped cook up. I don't-- [Then Junna's fingers slide through Lisa's, squeezing her hand, palm to palm. As if to say, 'I can touch you in a way that doesn't hurt.' And to say, again, 'I'm so sorry.'

Her voice gets quiet. There's a little tremble to it.] ...I don't ever want to hurt you.

Hey, I said before, I'm not psychoanalyzing you on purpose. [She grins, pushing through the stitch in her side that shouldn't exist.] But I get it. I do that sometimes too. I... I have to be right, yeah? So I just bull straight ahead, and when I'm wrong anyway something goes really bad.

[She sees the cogs turning in Junna's brain, sees her coming to a conclusion. Her instinct is that she's going to be a little concerned about what the output is, and she's a little worried to be proven right. Not that it surprises her the way this evening's gone - the way their mental states are - but. Hmm.]

You didn't. You should never have to. [She calmly, gently, lets herself squeeze Junna's hand in return. Her expression sobers.] This isn't your fault, and I'm telling you because I hope it will help you - help us - not because I want you to feel bad or anything, okay? I... I got hurt, but a lot of what hurt me was my own bad decisions, because I couldn't calm down. You are not to blame, Junna. I forgive you, and I'm not mad at you.

[There's a long moment of silence while Lisa thinks. Should she... well. That's not a question. They agreed to try and be more open about things, right? Is this the time...? Well. That's also kind of a silly question. She lets out a long breath.]

When you first came back to me... I was so scared. When I was about to attack Sonic, when I fought Hibiki - I told her like an idiot when she was flying me out - I thought I wouldn't be able to hold you again. That hands that hurt other people, on purpose and with malice and intent to harm, aren't things I should be using for comfort. You... you coaxed me into pushing through it then, but it still- [her throat is dry; she swallows hard-] it still gets to me, a little. I- I don't want to hurt you either! But that's always there now, you know? I don't... trust myself.

Yeah... it's easy to do. In the moment, it feels like you're doing something. And later, it can go off the rails. [It's a timely reminder that Lisa gets it. They're a lot alike in some important ways, some good and some bad. It's what drew them together in the first place. She smiles back.

But it fades a little as Lisa says it wasn't her fault. That she forgives her. Junna hesitates for a second. It helps to hear that -- even as inwardly, she's frustrated with herself for not learning that lesson yet. She squeezes Lisa's hand back. Maybe it'll take longer for her to really internalize things. She can't rush getting better, her therapist says.]

I... I understand. It's just--I guess I still feel responsible. I'm working on it. [She hesitates though. She wants to argue, instinctively, that Lisa isn't at fault. And Junna doesn't think she is. But, she wasn't able to calm down, and she wants to do better. Junna can't dismiss that. She listens, but when Lisa starts to sound upset, she takes a step closer. She squeezes her hand.

Her voice is quiet. Gentle.] Lisa. Look at me. [This hurts to see. Seeing Lisa be scared of hurting her, being scared that she can't trust herself.] It's okay to be scared. It's okay to be unsure of yourself. To worry it'll happen again. To be scared you'll hurt me. But you're not just your worst moments. You're so much more.

[It's what she said earlier, but it's worth repeating. She takes Lisa's hand and lifts it, so Lisa is holding her cheek.] There's no one I trust more to hold me. No one I want more to hold me.

[Lisa would tell Junna the same thing, cribbed both from her own therapist and their collective friends: healing has to come at its, and your, own pace. There's no magic spell for pulling your heart back together. She knows that, she feels like she lives it. Junna needing to learn that lesson too... hurts in concept, but it's a fact of life. Lisa hasn't fully internalized it herself, as evidenced by most of this conversation. But... holding her problems inside her hasn't helped her for nineteen years, either, so here she is. Here they are, again.

It's why she bothered to get her insecurities from a week ago into words. Even if it hurts. Even if it makes her feel even more like she's weighing Junna down. Like she's... not what Junna needs. Which is, apparently, not a sentiment Junna herself shares. Junna ever only gets really quiet and patient like this when Lisa does something... really stupid. Really, monumentally, catastrophically stupid. Which this kinda was! But the reminder still hurts. And yet... she looks at Junna. Her gaze is uncertain, darting, but she does her best to listen and look. She'd said that before, earlier tonight. Lisa is... more than just the darkest moments. More than the things she says to herself when she's feeling the strain, feeling like she's screwed up for the millionth time, feeling like she's hitting rock bottom and the only place left to go is to be swallowed by the Earth's core. It's... okay to be scared... she doesn't want to be scared, though! She wants to be happy! She wants to be confident when she does things, says things, has feelings, thinks about anything at all! It's so frustrating...!

She wants to believe. More than anything, when Junna tells her it's okay, she wants to sink into that feeling and let herself agree. When she's told there's nobody else she trusts... she wants to be worthy of that trust. The feeling of her hand on Junna's cheek, warm and inviting... for a long moment, she's torn. Does. Does she pull away? Keep her instincts from doing something something rash? Lean into it and ask to be forgiven for needing her to reassure her stupid self again?]

I'm... I'm sorry. I'm sorry I'm like this. [She bows her head, unable to keep looking at Junna, tone soft but strained. She doesn't have tears to cry right now, but boy, she feels like she needs another good cry already.] I still- I still want to. I still need to. I want... to hold you tight and never let go. I-is- is that okay?

[Junna leans her cheek into that hand, even as she keeps looking into Lisa's eyes. It hurts to see the doubt on her girlfriend's face. The way she looks so pained.] Of course it is. I-I don't want anything else, Lisa.

[Her fingers squeeze the same hand at her cheek. She doesn't just want to leave it at that. It doesn't feel like it's enough. She thinks about what Lisa said before. "I'm sorry I'm like this." There's a flicker of hesitation, then Junna leans forward. Her forehead rests against Lisa's again. And her other hand rests on her girlfriend's cheek into turn.]

You don't have to apologize for needing support. [She smiles a little, then, her thumb brushing over Lisa's cheek.] For needing me. And you don't have to apologize because you keep needing those things. I love you, and that doesn't stop just because you're hurt. Because you're unsure of yourself.

I want you. I chose you. I trust you.

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