yumemigaoka | Theater Kid's March Comes in Like a Lion

Theater Kid's March Comes in Like a Lion

⭐ Who: Junna Hoshimi... and you!
⭐ When: Throughout March!
⭐ Where: In Yumemigaoka!
⭐ What: March catch-all!
⭐ Warnings: Junna's grappling with some heavy stuff, so... threads could get into parents not being great, some homophobia, and other things. There's also some implicit sleeping together (nothing NSFW though) in the Lisa and Junna thread, if that's a thing you prefer to avoid!

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Thanks. I'll wanna do this again. More than once, too. [She's thought about whether they could afford a pool table in their apartment. If they could fit one. It's an idle thought, for after they get a place. Junna can't get too far ahead of herself yet, after all. Besides... there's something heavier to think about.

The Disturbance is, ultimately, her. As Lisa says: it's undiluted, it's Junna without hope and happiness, it's all of her fears and worries magnified. It's a sobering thought, but Junna nods her head. A similar thought goes through her mind: this isn't something they can talk about once. It'll take a lot of time to work through, both with the help of therapists and a lot more talks to come. And more than that; they need to be a reason for each other to keep working. A reason to be happy.

She does spot the way Lisa looks upset. She doesn't know why -- but she has a few good guesses. She walks over, and takes her hand.] I... I think I understand. It's somewhere in the middle. I'm... [She smiles, a little.] It might hurt and help at the same time. I want the closure, too, though. And I want to hear what happened, and... I don't want to say I'm ready for it in the sense that I'm completely prepared. But--

[She squeezes Lisa's hand.] I'm ready because I want to know. And it... it does help to hear it, instead of imagine it, make it worse in my head, and then react to that instead. And I--I mean... [Her expression turns more fragile, for a second, and she looks at Lisa.] ...My imagination can say a lot of terrible things that aren't true, Lisa. It's helping. I promise.

[Lisa's not thinking that far ahead. She really, really wants to get through tonight, first, because there's still a part of her that expects a dressing-down for her attitude toward her friends in the depths. Junna seems to be on the same page as her and relatively agreeable, so she's not complaining, but boy, Lisa's running her mouth a lot in ways she really doesn't like...

But Junna jumps in, coming around to hold her hand, and Lisa takes a deep breath. Brains suck. Especially when hers keeps taking sick days and threatening to go on strike. So her girlfriend calmly, patiently explains why she's willing to put up with what should by all rights be a depressing evening, and Lisa... listens. Slowly starts to wind back down, tension releasing from her chest. Sees that last, fleeting look of delicacy, and that galvanizes her for a bit. She wraps her free arm lightly around Junna, trying to convey warmth and trust and hope she mostly feels.]

Imaginations are for daydreaming about what you're going to do with your girlfriend in your free time, not for doomspiraling. Even if I've been doing a lot of that. So I get you. And... thank you, for telling me what's on your mind. Sorry, for not trusting you to make your own decision. I-I'll be better. [She takes a breath, nodding.] What you're thinking is probably worse, anyway, so... I'll get through it. We're coming up to the worst of it, though. Or, well, the worst I know about, anyway.

And just to get it out of the way... this is the part where I was staying too long and getting too worn-out to be much good over there. Too spacey, too slow, too irritable, even more stubborn than I already am. But I just couldn't- couldn't stand to be at home. So if it sounds a little jumbled, that's. That's probably why. [But she won't apologize for that. She'll never apologize for that single-minded dedication, even if it hurts her., That thought, somehow, stabilizes her a little more.]

I'll try to keep my imagination better focused. Thankfully, you help out a lot with that. [Junna laughs and leans into the arm around her. She puts her arm back around Lisa in turn. She wants a hug right now. And she wants to hold Lisa in turn. It sounds like they're coming up to the really hard part.

She's patient as she listens to Lisa explain. She was worn out by then. Emotionally, mentally, and physically. It had been days -- and days without Junna there to support her. (Don't blame yourself for that! she tells herself.) It's no great surprise that this was when Lisa was stretched too thin.]

I... I think I understand. You had to get to me. And get me out of there. Get me back. Whatever it took, right?

[She looks into Lisa's eyes.] What came next?

[Lisa needs it herself too, so she's not complaining, leaning into the half-hug and trying to keep herself together.]

Mm. Just... it was the only thing I could think about, almost. It consumed me. [She almost keeps going, but Junna's waiting patiently, and looking into her eyes suggests that she does understand. So Lisa moves on, nodding faintly.] One of the work rooms just had a single high-school girl in it. And a table, with a couple scripts, and a pile of knives that... sure looked sharp enough to be real, and not just props. Sure felt real.

[Her tone changes; it's harsher, more hurried, like everything is riding on her words.]

Casca, be sudden, for we fear prevention.—
Brutus, what shall be done? If this be known,
Cassius or Caesar never shall turn back,
For I will slay myself.

[Her meter is... better than it should be, though far from professional. So is the performance itself, considering she's not holding a script... or working with other actors... or holding props... The words are right, and the emotion is clear. The moment fades, though, and Lisa comes back to herself, a little sullen but otherwise seeming not to get lost in herself too much.]

She insisted on playing Caesar, and starting from the top of the third act. You didn't need a full cast, and it's not like she didn't have most of the lines, but I had to play all the other roles once, it sucked. At least she was pretty forgiving of screwups. If you tried to go around her, she'd just try to stab you anyway, so... meh. Once she was out of the way one way or the other, the next area was behind a poster for Yonezawa's Last Paycheck.

[Junna looks at Lisa, considering what she says: 'It consumed me.' She can't quite avoid the guilt at hearing that. The feeling is there before she can really fight it down, and it takes her a second to push that. She realizes, though, with a second's more thought that it is deeper than guilt. It's not okay, but that was Lisa's choice. She chose Junna, and that means she chose to stand by her. Even at Junna's worst, even if it would hurt Lisa herself. Junna swallows down the way she feels guilty. Lisa respects her decision; she can respect Lisa's.

And so she listens. She looks at Lisa, as she explains, and doesn't hide the way her expression changes; the slight widening of her eyes, the intake at the knives that looked so real. The sharpness to them. And the way she winces, just slightly, at the words.

But she follows Lisa's performance up with one of her own. Even years later, her Brutus is excellen; she slides into character in an instant. His worry at a plot about to be enacted, his shaking resolve at upholding the Republic, his profound but subtle sorrow at the need to kill the man who he would have called Father; it's all there. It comes to mind without trying, and her meter is perfect.]

Casca, be sudden, for we fear prevention.
Popilius Lena speaks not of our purposes;
For, look, he smiles, and Caesar doth not change.

[Then, she's back to herself -- and her own expression is sad. She smiles a little, but it's distant.] ...I played Cinna, when we did the play in middle school. I'd wanted to be Caesar, though. I kept practicing, over and over. And I--I think it was always a metaphor. And... and how things ended for him. Driven by ambition until he destroyed himself.

It's... I guess the Disturbance was trying to show you the way I'd push myself for perfection. And make you experience how it could feel. It's... not playing fair, is it?

[She hugs Lisa with the arm around her. Trying to be reassuring. Though she hesitates, at the mention of the movie poster.] The first movie that we saw together. It was--it was almost like our zero-eth date. That's...

[She pulls a little closer to Lisa. There's fear in her expression, now. Did that hurt Lisa? She isn't sure. It makes Junna angry, too; that's a precious memory. It's not one that she wants tainted by association. It feels wrong that the Disturbance used it -- to paper over, in a literal sense, the way down to her heart.]

I-I'm sorry. I can only imagine what it might have made you think.

[She feels something is off before she sees it; Junna didn't seem to take her admission of how bad her obsession was well. Maybe she didn't understand. But... she sure does now. Lisa feels a little bad about that, but... she won't apologize. Instead she picks up on the cues that Junna both is reading into her setting of the scene, and understanding where her performance is coming from.

The following lines, then, aren't a surprise. Not truly. If anyone knows this play, it's Junna. But the delivery is so much more profound that it shakes her. Junna doesn't just know this play, she breathes it. Brutus isn't a character, Junna is channeling the man and trying to keep the assassination plot on the rails, with the limited information he has. Lisa has a feeling not unlike being underdressed at a party: she thought understood the assignment but the assigment had layers and she didn't go past the first. Her answering, admiring smile is a little... lopsided.]

It's a hell of a metaphor, then. Driven by ambition, until your friends, your trusted colleagues, your love herself had to come and bring you down, lest you bring doom to the people. I bet you killed it - um, no pun intended - doing this in middle school, though. Even then I imagine you didn't do things halfway. [Lisa sighs.] But yeah. You've pushed yourself hard as long as I've known you, and I admire that... in moderation. This is just reminding me I need to make sure you take breaks. Relax sometimes. Let me spoil you, just a little.

[Her smile is something approaching normal as she grins. It's perhaps a little salacious, but if she has to threaten Junna with a good time, she'll do it. The reminder of their pre-first date, then, catches her attention as what should be something along those lines. But Junna follows the thread all the way to its conclusion, and Lisa's brow creases when she sees Junna seem to retreat a little. So she keeps her tone as light and affectionate as she can manage, holding Junna tight.]

I'm glad it meant as much to you as it did to me. Does to me. But... that wasn't the way I read it, you know? I figured... Caesar-chan was a dungeon puzzle that, ah... selected either for drama kids, or for close-range fighters for when she got tired of dealing with subpar performances, both of which would have been distracted from looking at the walls. That means the person that did know what that movie meant to you - me - shouldn't have been there to find it, so there we'd stay, looking for the way forward. I was a little hurt, because I wasn't expecting to see that in there, but... [Her tone turns a little teasing.] Like I said, Happy Junna wasn't in there to help with decorations. You'd probably have framed it or something, and put little spotlights on it. Maybe a plaque.

[She lets her voice shift back to something firm and kind.] The fact that something important to us showed up in a place like that, tells me that you wanted to make sure that only someone that wanted what was best for you - who was determined to make sure you were taken care of - would be able to go further to pull you out. That's what I think.

Edited (HTML fail) 2025-03-26 00:44 (UTC)

I-I am... a little prone to dramatics, you might say. [Junna laughs at that, and it's even genuine, if a little awkward. But, by now, she can laugh a little about it. She nods, then, and looks up at the ceiling for just a second. Thinking back to when she was in Julius Caesar... she nods. She did a good job; a great job, even. Sometimes she loses sight of that, when she thinks she didn't the part that she really wanted.] I did. We did. It was a huge success.

[She looks sideways at Lisa, and she sees that smile. It's playful -- maybe even a little salacious -- and that gets Junna to smile back. She wraps her arms a little tighter around Lisa, then she leans against her more. Threaten her with a good time, and it will work.]

...I won't say no to being spoiled. Or to being told to relax. And I... do like it when you help me relax. [Her cheeks turn a little red and she finds herself leaning in a little bit... but reminds herself they're having a talk, and maybe that she could come later.

She hesitates a moment, but then she nods with understanding. A puzzle dungeon -- exactly the sort of thing Junna would do. It's like the RPG's that she still likes to play; it's not the same as her love for theater, but she got into them as a kid, and they stayed with her as she got older.] That sounds likely. Something... tied to what upsets me, and something that would make it hard to find the way to help me. Something... ah...

[Then, Junna blinks.

She never considered that maybe the part of her that wanted to be saved -- the parted of her calling out for help, even if she didn't know how -- could have somehow shaped the Disturbance. Not to save herself, but to make sure that the right person could find her way to her. The person in front of her, the person who risked everything to bring Junna back. She blinks, speechless for a moment.

They did it together. They made sure she got out. It wasn't just that Junna was helpless; she did something to be sure that the right people knew how to find her, and one specific person. Junna stares at Lisa, her lips parting, but she can't find what to say. It's easy to see that she's moved. She looks like she might tear up, but she doesn't.

Instead, she leans forward and kisses Lisa, without hesitation.]

A little prone to dramatics. Yeah, like I'm a little good at the bass. I can even play Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star. But I wouldn't have you any other way. [She grins, and doesn't interrupt as Junna reminisces. But after a bit, she lets herself quip again.] See? Actress then, actress now. [Lisa lets out a soft breath.] Consider yourself on notice! If I think you're pushing yourself too hard, you are getting hugged and you will snuggle for a bit. Non-negotiable! I don't care what else we're in the middle of, it can wait thirty seconds while we stop and take a deep breath.

[And, indeed, she doesn't fight as Junna pulls her in closer. She's doing her best to control herself and not get too distracted, even if the serious conversation and Junna's moods are making that difficult. This mood is even harder; she wants so much to stop for a second and comfort her properly. But... no. A little more left, then she doesn't have to focus on her words anymore. Just her feelings. So she'll soldier on a little longer. Case in point, as Junna takes a moment to digest while Lisa presents her theory. That's all it is, and yet... it's plausible. Junna apparently thinks so too, as she starts to work through it, but Lisa presenting her conclusion is the deciding factor. It's not airtight - one Disturbance is hardly conclusive, and Lisa isn't the person to assess really any of the other ones - but it's enough. It'll ease both their minds, at least.

Or, well. It eases Lisa's mind. It seems to have sent Junna's into overdrive, though, before she leans in to kiss her. So. Apparently that theory works. Lisa's briefly surprised, having expected a little more of a fight, but after a second she kisses back, a little more passion in it than usual. She's... relieved, and that comes across in her desire not to let go. But more than that, one week of healing hasn't quite been enough to overcome three weeks of hell, and Lisa is taking comfort where she can get it.]

[Three weeks of hell for both of them. Junna appreciates, now, that it was a different kind of hell for each. But there's one thing in common, she thinks: they didn't have each other to lean on then. That's something that Junna realizes she needs going forward. That is to say, though, that she needs that comfort too. She keeps her arms around Lisa -- and she stays in the kiss. It's more passionate than previous ones for her, too.

And she only pulls back reluctantly. Her cheeks are flushed when she does, and she laughs a little. She really is an actress, isn't she? She looks at Lisa, then she sighs, and leans her forehead against hers.] ...mm. I could... I could get pretty distracted right now. [She stays quiet for a second, her eyes finding Lisa's.

Her tone shifts a little. She knows that they're not done and she shouldn't lose her focus entirely. She doesn't separate herself physically, but she does nod to her. Her eyes linger on Lisa's, her arms still around her shoulders.] ...thank you. I... I thought I'd been a burden. [She pulls a hand back and lifts a finger, as if to say, "Let me finish."]

I thought there was no way I couldn't be a burden, because you -- because everyone -- had to come after me. But... I wanted you to find me, even while I didn't want to be found, at the same time. And knowing a part of my heart helped you, that... that takes away some of that feeling that I was a burden. So... thank you, Lisa.

[Lisa somewhat reluctantly pulls back when Junna does, her own face red, but she has zero regrets.] You and me both.

[But she stays quiet for a moment after; Junna seems to still have something on her mind, and she waits more or less patiently. Predictably, she immediately starts to say something to disagree about being a burden, but that finger may as well have been to her own lips instead. She stops, and makes herself listen again. And her grin softens. This girl is too precious, aaaaa-]

I told Hibiki in the depths, you're too clever. If you didn't want us to find our way, we'd have been lost in there forever and we'd... never have made it. But you wanted us to save you. You wanted us to get there and bring you home. That made the difference. [Lisa hesitates, opens her mouth to add something else, but shakes her head gently and moves on.] You worked hard too, you know? You held out until we got there. You kept a tiny ember of hope alive in your heart, even despite everything crushing in on you. That's amazing to me.

[Junna smiles a little bit wider when Lisa says she could also get distracted. It's good to know that sometimes they're on the same page.

And it's her turn to listen, now. She is quiet -- blinking at the idea that she's too clever -- and then she nods her head. She did try to hold onto some small sliver of hope. Even if she'd fallen so far, felt so blinded, that she tried to fight everyone. She didn't completely succumb. She let them reach her, when she found her. Junna leans forward, her forehead resting against Lisa's. She puts her hand on her cheek.]

...th-thanks. I... I still feel guilty for it, but... but I'm glad. You're amazing, too. You kept pushing, to find me, and help me, and... [She trails off. Is it too early to say that?] ...I-I know I should let you finish. But, I can see... I can see how much I mean to you. That's important, too.

[Lisa relaxes into the touch, taking as much comfort as she can. She's happy - knows she's going to have to bare her heart a few more times in the next several minutes but she trusts Junna, save for the truly worst parts where she's still a little unsure if she'll be okay - and she's basking in that while she has it.]

I appreciate that. I... everyone knows I went a little crazy, but I'm not sure anyone truly understands how far gone I was, toward the end. If it hadn't been for... a thing I'm getting to in a second... I don't think I would have left, that last week. But it's... because I needed you. [.....her face doesn't cool any. She could be using even more charged words but this gets it across without making her sound insane, given the rest of what she's got.] So I get why you still feel guilty, and I'm not going to deny that. I did some things I'm not proud of, but I'm willing to own those things. I'll take my lumps if it means I can keep moving forward.

[Lisa hesitates again; she should probably go on, but one, the mood isn't quite right, and two... she's not sure she wants to be able to feel Junna's reaction for the next part. It'd kill her if Junna didn't accept her after hearing the rest of what happened in the depths. She knows better, but...]

Feeling okay? Lemme know if you want a little more recharge time. But... I should probably finish or we're going to be here until they throw us out, yeah?

[Junna's fingers brush gently over Lisa's cheek, while her forehead stays leaned against hers. She's loving every moment of this, too. It's a good pick-me-up -- and she has a sense, and Lisa has heavily implied, that there's more to come. She can't imagine something that would push her away. But there's that little nervousness, in the back of her mind; that worry, that won't be fully banished until she hears.]

...Mm. Me, too. I don't think... I can just turn off feeling guilty about it. But I'll try to keep moving forward, too. I-I want to hear, though. What else happened, in that last week.

[Junna's quiet for a moment more. Then, she nods her head. That entails pulling back a little -- though she keeps her arms around Lisa. The pool can wait; it might wait til next time, even. She thinks she'd rather hold her, at least a little, while she hears this.]

I'm okay to keep going. Promise.

[Well, Lisa got one of her wishes. But not the one that worried her. So she'll have to double down on trusting Junna to understand her when she didn't really understand herself. She takes a long breath and does her best to smile, although she knows she's... probably going to lose her composure in the immediate future.]

O-okay. I'll... let me go on. We're down to about the last week, by now. There's something past the poster, of course, but... a few days after we first found how to get past Caesar-chan, I tried to get through, but Nikki- ah, Sonic was blocking the door to her room. I tried to get past him, asked him to move, but he- he told me to go home. [Lisa's grin turns... brittle. She remembers how this goes. And she hates that this is what solidified something so important to her in her mind.] I told him my home was trapped in the Disturbance, and to let me through. And then... he attacked me? Not for real, but a... warning charge? I- I never saw him coming. But... I. I yelled at him to move or I'd go through him. And he attacked me again, so... I said if he wanted me to go home, to make me. And I... [Her voice is a whisper.] And I sang.

[It comes out with the gravity of "I shot him", tone miserable, eyes haunted. Which. She also did, if not effectively. Most of that fight from her perspective was a whirl even without the haze of depression clouding everything, and it's hard to characterize as she tries to describe the feeling of being totally outclassed but unwilling to give in.]

I... he's so fast... he kicked a chair at me? I hid behind a fake plant, and he scared me and kicked me and I blasted him but I only found out later I even hit him at all? And I-I...

[Nope. She's gonna have to calm down a little more before she can go on. Lisa's shaking a little, but not as bad as she's been before.]

['My home was trapped in the Disturbance,' Lisa says, and Junna's heart melts a little. She knew, now, on some level. It's another thing, though, to hear what Lisa did because of that. She can't say it makes her happy. Seeing Lisa suffer like this, seeing how upset she is... no, she isn't happy about that. Sometimes love pushes them to places they didn't know they could go. And Lisa already said how hard she was pushing herself. She is alarmed, though, to hear that Sonic attacked her. Her eyes blink.

Even if she starts to get it. He was making her take a break, when she couldn't make herself take one.

Junna stares at her for a second. Lisa sang. She fought back, fought for Junna, even if it was desperate and misguided. She can see the toll it took on Lisa; the way she's starting to shake, her voice stammering, and Junna swallows. Then, she pulls Lisa into a hug, tightly.]

Oh, Lisa... I'm sorry. [Her voice is quiet, but she clarifies, then, because she knows how it sounds:] You were pushed to the breaking point. It doesn't mean you failed because you had a bad day. Because you thought you'd... [Her voice trembles.] ...you'd lose someone so important to you.

You're still here. You're still taking a step forward.

[...the tight hug helps, and the shaking lessens, her throat loosening a little. Junna's... not angry on principle. Or, well, maybe she is, but she's not blaming Lisa for that, and that's... enough for now?

But.]

He- he said I was better than what I was showing him. Which. I-it isn't wrong, but I don't- I don't know how to fight people, Junna, I don't want to fight people! But I-I snapped, and I exploded on him. I was- I was so frustrated and so angry and so lonely and so tired and I couldn't- I couldn't hold it back anymore!

[Too much of the emotion from the moment is still caught up in her memories of it from two short weeks ago - it feels like months, how was it only two weeks - and she can feel her pulse quickening, her eyes tearing up. Her arms are still at her sides; she doesn't feel like she can hug Junna back, too many of the things she said are haunting her all over again. But she said she'd do it, and she's too far gone now. She has to tell her, has to make sure she understands, has to has to hasto-]

"Nobody believes I'm any better than this. Nobody ever has," I screamed at him, while I shot at him like it was the only thing I knew how to do, putting holes in the walls, like I really wanted to hurt him! "That's why I'm here in the first place!" [Her hands ball into fists and the tears flow freely.] "Silly Lisa, never smart enough, n-never kind enough, never pr-pretty enough," I told him! "N-n-not obedient enough! Not strong enough-!!" [Her voice cracks on the last condemnation and she sobs; she wobbles for a second, knees almost giving out, but Junna's already holding her and she manages to get her feet back under her before she pulls the both of them down.] I went way past m-my breaking point, Junna, and it sucked! It's w-why I was such a godsdamned mess when you c-came over last week!

[Junna listens, quietly, at first. There's a flinch when she hears Lisa's voice shaking like that. Admitting she couldn't hold her emotions back anymore, admitting how bad things got. She looks at Lisa, and her arms shift a little -- holding her up, sliding underneath Lisa's arms to make sure she doesn't fall. She holds her, still, and she looks down at her as her knees almost give out. She bites her lower lip; it whitens under her teeth. It hurts to hear her say those things.

They're not things she would ever think of her. Her wonderful, amazing girlfriend, who looks after others, who tries as hard as anyone she has ever met, who never lets her walk out the front door without adjusting her coat if it's askew, who has cookies for everyone when they need it. Junna's expression is one that's hurt. And she waits for a second, for Lisa to finish talking.

And a little longer after that. Then, her hands come up, her fingers cupping Lisa's face. She wipes, gently, under her eyes with her numbs.]

You're not your worst moments, Lisa. You're not. [Her voice is quiet and it trembles when she speaks. She's having to struggle to not cry, herself. It's hard to not, when she sees Lisa crying. But she manages.] You don't stop being all the wonderful things you are because everything came on at once, it piled up, and it pushed you past that point. I-I don't look at you and...

[She leans her head back in, forehead against Lisa's. Her voice is quiet and steady.]

...I see the kindest person I know, who reaches out when someone needs it. One of the smartest people I've ever met, because you know what moves a person's heart. The most beautiful woman I've seen. And... [She leans in, kissing Lisa softly on the lips, even if they're trembling. It's a brief kiss.] ...The best person I've known. You're the best because even if you're at your lowest, even if you're pushed past your breaking point, you're asking how you can be better. Not making excuses for how you got there. You're so much more more than enough. And--and even if you were a mess--

[Junna swallows, still with her forehead against hers.] I was pushed past my breaking point. I hurt people. I attacked Nene-chan, and Olruggio and Zeke-san, and Jeannette-chan, and--and you still... [She trembles.] You still love me. You still said I'm wonderful. You let me stay. [Her cheeks heat up, again.] And... you made sure you knew how you felt, when you did.

It's easier to start to love myself, when I know someone as wonderful as you loves me. So... [She smiles, and she half-laughs and half-cries, finding her eyes are starting to tear up.] ...I love you. I won't ever turn my back on you, I just--I want you to feel the same way about yourself as I feel about you, some day.

One step at a time, together.

[It's amazing, really, how Lisa can find new ways to screw up even at this late stage, after everything's already over. She managed to scream that nobody believes in her in her girlfriend's mind palace. She didn't mean to include Junna in that, of course, but... depression does some nasty things to your ability for rational thought, huh? The hurt look in Junna's eyes feels terrible when she knows she put it there, and she's sure she's going to hear about it. She's going to get yelled at, going to be semi-softly chastised for not knowing when to quit or how to censor herself - or for leveling that accusation at all.

Until Junna gently brushes away her tears, after Lisa's finally spit out everything she's been holding back for two weeks. Confusion is written on her face for a moment; why is she not being yelled at? Why is Junna... defending her, once she starts talking, finally? Holding her upright and kindly looking into her eyes? It. It doesn't make any sense.

Except, as she keeps her mouth shut and forces herself to listen instead of denying, she realizes that maybe she was wrong. Sure, she screwed up. She screwed up a lot in the Disturbance, and she doesn't have a perfect track record after it, either. But... maybe that's okay. Junna sees her strengths, and accepts her faults. One by one, the weaknesses she'd lived with and accepted for six years are lifted from her shoulders. Not removed - that's not reasonable after such a short conversation, and far more than Lisa could ask for. More than she deserves, maybe, even after that grand declaration. But she feels lighter. Less... chained down. There's someone to share the weight of her past. And even both their burdens together are lighter than hers were alone, when someone's helping her carry that weight.

So her head feels a little clearer as Junna starts in on the things she did. Which... yeah. A Disturbance was always going to end that way. But at the same time, it's a real concern. Junna did lash out at their friends with malice and intent. She wasn't entirely home in her body when she did it, but she did it, and that's something they'll both have to accept and live with. Most of their friends and colleagues understand the distinction, but... it's still something you can't just write off. Lisa was sure as hell scared of Hibiki two weeks ago, despite knowing Hibiki wouldn't hurt her on purpose, a distinction Lisa can't make about herself anymore. A distinction she hopes doesn't scare people away from her, but she can't really blame them if it does.

But... it all comes back to Junna. Lisa's voice is a quiet croak as she speaks for the first time in a few minutes, halting and tentative but not without hope.] I still want to feel that way. You'll... you'll show me, though. So I- I don't know if I agree... with all of that. But what I think maybe- isn't as important. If nobody else believes it, then maybe I shouldn't either, yeah? [The tiniest ghost of a smile appears on Lisa's face. Slowly, delicately, her arms finally rise from her sides to wrap around her most precious person, eyes closing as she leans just a little into Junna where their foreheads meet. She feels exhausted, suddenly.] Of course I let you stay. Of course you're wonderful. I love you too, Junna. So much. I... I'm so lucky to have you. And I hope I can make you feel that, too.

[She takes a long, shuddering breath, tears slowed but not stopped. Still... she'll be okay, somehow.]

Together, you and I. No matter what.

[Junna feels a growing nervousness. No, a fear -- that she hasn't understood Lisa, somehow, and that she overstepped some boundary. That maybe somehow, Junna did the wrong thing. It's an intrusive thought, one that creeps into her mind. But it all starts to fade as Lisa speaks. Her voice sounds rough, Junna thinks, when she hears it. Her hands still on the sides of Lisa's face, and she looks at her.

The worry isn't gone entirely. Not when Lisa says she doesn't know if she agrees with all of that -- or that maybe what she thinks isn't so important. But she sees that smile, fragile smile. And she feels those arms wrap around her, and Lisa leans into her a little bit.

Then, Junna leans back against her. And there's a little more to that lean. She needs someone to lean on right now, too.]

You do, Lisa. You... you make me feel it whenever I'm with you. [She takes a hesitant, shuddering breath.] I know it... it takes time. It'll take time for me, too. But we'll get there together. Until we both can we believe it. [Her thumb brushes another few tears away, and she leans more against Lisa. Junna smiles at her, even more, as she looks into her eyes.]

No matter what. [Her voice gets quieter. There's a little fragility in her voice, now, and in her expression. But she still smiles at Lisa.] I'm... I'm lucky I have you, too. I don't know what I'd do, where I'd be, if I didn't.

[There's a certain... tentative feeling she gets off of Junna for a moment, and that concerns her a little. It's totally understandable given the way she's acting, but it's still a little worrying? But it seems like it might have just been concern she said something wrong, given Lisa took so long to put her thoughts in order. Which is also totally understandable. Maybe... maybe this'll be okay after all, somehow.]

Even if it takes a while... we have time. We have all the time we need. We'll get there, in the end, and we'll find our happiness, together.

[That smile... that perfect smile is so precious to her. That's what she fought so hard to protect, and her face colors a little when she finally sees it after Junna brushes her eyes clear again. Her own smile returns properly, warm and affectionate if still a little uneasy.]

I don't know either. Probably nowhere good, just like when I think about where I'd be without you. And I don't want you to ever have to find out, okay? [Lisa reluctantly lets one arm drop from around Junna's waist to bring it up to cover one of the hands on her own face, thumb rubbing over the back of it.] I know I'm, um, not really in a position to say this when you're standing here wiping tears off my face, but. I'm not going to let that happen. Not as long as I have anything to say about it.

[A pause, mouth open, before it closes and she makes a face perhaps best described as "sheepish with a tinge of regret."]

...although I probably shouldn't. Go on a rampage like that again.

We've got plenty of time. [Junna's voice is quiet. But, she smiles, and she hugs Lisa again. Her arms stay around her, and she looks at her.] And we will. We... we are. I know it was a rough few weeks, but--but I'm happier these last couple of weeks than I have been in awhile.

[She sees the uneasiness, and that gives Junna pause for just a second. Then, she brushes a tear away -- and Junna smiles a little brighter to see that Lisa's smile is back with all the warmth she expected. She exhales a little, though, at what Lisa promises. She doesn't want to imagine life without her. It still surprises Junna, in a way; how much she came to rely on Lisa, how big a part of her life she became, in these last few months.

But she doesn't want a life without her.]

I-I'm going to hold you to that. [Her voice trembles just a little, but hearing Lisa's going to make sure she isn't alone... well, that hits home after the Disturbance. In a good way. She smiles, squeezing the hand that Lisa takes, and then she laughs a little.]

...Maybe no rampages for a bit. But... but don't beat yourself up, too, okay? [After all, they know why Lisa did it. She looks at her, her expression thoughtful.] You... um. You got back here, back to me. That's what matters.

Edited 2025-04-02 23:37 (UTC)

[The fresh hug is grounding for her, but the affirmation speaks volumes, and she seems to cheer up a little more.] That's all I can ask for. That's all I really want. Happy, healthy, not stressed out of our minds. I can help with two and we're... working on the third? I'll take it.

[The laugh makes her giggle softly herself, shaking her head faintly.]

Everything in moderation, got it. Love, war, and everything in between, so I can come home safe at the end of the day to you. [Lisa huffs briefly.] No thanks to Sonic. He, um, did send me back the hard way, after all that. Not unkindly, but... Please don't let me forget again that I'm supposed to protect people instead of trying to turn them into pincushions? And please don't hate him too much for it. I- I understood what he was trying to do, even if I couldn't accept it then. I'm... [She searches for words, for a moment.] I'm mad at him, but I can't really blame him. He did the best he could with the tools he had, yeah?

Mm-hm. We're... we're getting to all of those. And we'll get there. One step at a time, together. [Maybe that's becoming a mantra for her -- for them? -- but Junna will take it. She smiles again -- and watches her shake her head.

There's a beat.]

Maybe not love in moderation. [Junna gets a playful smile.] But everything else. As long as you--as we both come back home, safe. [But there is a pause; it takes a second for Junna to register Lisa's meaning. Sonic had to hurt her in the Dream Sphere enough to wake her up. There is a flash of feeling angry... but Lisa pointing that out helps her tone that down to a reasonable level.]

I don't... like you getting hurt, but... I understand. I'll try to not give him too much of an earful. [She smiles a little bit. The protectiveness is kicking in.] I'll remind you, though. I promise.

Mm! Together. Home safe and sound, everything in order. [Lisa isn't entirely sure what to do as Junna digests the end of her battle with Sonic and her subsequent break, because she started it, even if she had good reason, but he finished it. But... no, there is something. So even as Junna starts to move past it on her own, Lisa tightens her grip a bit, feeling a little more confident.] I'm still not asking you to be happy with me getting my butt kicked, so I get it. [She grins weakly; her heart isn't entirely in it, but she's cheering up a bit.] I'm counting on you to keep me in line.

[There's a moment while she calms down and resets her mind; she's almost done, and then she can let herself relax for a bit and just be. Lisa lets her head droop into Junna's shoulder.]

Just a little bit left now. The... the most physically painful part, but it's less emotionally draining, I guess. Tell me when? I'm... I'm not exactly going to enjoy it, but it'll be good to get the last of it out of my system, I think.

Right... right, I will. [She can try to help with that. And not letting being annoyed that Lisa got hurt -- even if it was in the Dream Sphere -- bother her too much. But she doubts she can turn that off. Junna keeps her arms around her, then she looks at her for a moment while she explains. Physically painful, but less emotionally draining? That makes her wonder.

Which--which means she should ask, rather than ruminate.]

Sure. I'm ready, if you are.

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