Junna Hoshimi ⭐ 星見 純那 (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
thestarknows) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
yumemigaoka2025-03-04 05:18 pm
thestarknows) wrote in yumemigaoka2025-03-04 05:18 pm
Theater Kid's March Comes in Like a Lion
⭐ Who: Junna Hoshimi... and you!
⭐ When: Throughout March!
⭐ Where: In Yumemigaoka!
⭐ What: March catch-all!
⭐ Warnings: Junna's grappling with some heavy stuff, so... threads could get into parents not being great, some homophobia, and other things. There's also some implicit sleeping together (nothing NSFW though) in the Lisa and Junna thread, if that's a thing you prefer to avoid!
⭐ When: Throughout March!
⭐ Where: In Yumemigaoka!
⭐ What: March catch-all!
⭐ Warnings: Junna's grappling with some heavy stuff, so... threads could get into parents not being great, some homophobia, and other things. There's also some implicit sleeping together (nothing NSFW though) in the Lisa and Junna thread, if that's a thing you prefer to avoid!
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......ugh, Dreamer philosophy. She drops that train of thought, grimacing at the pool table instead. She's already got something headache-inducing in front of her. She's well behind now, and while that's not surprising it's now a hole of her own making.]
But even if you don't, if we play at the same general accuracy from here I still lose. Yeah, can't do that in the future... math and physics and now statistics, this game is mean! [She gives Junna a look that screams nerrrrrrrd loudly enough to be heard outside.] I guess it just means I need to practice, though. But this one's probably out of my hands from here.
[She sighs softly, shaking her head and letting her smile reassert itself as her attention drifts again.]
Yeah. The bottom of the elevator went to a bunch of hallways with a bunch of... I guess club rooms? Every room you found had a poster for a production outside - a movie, a play, something like that. And if you popped your head in, a pile of students dragged you in and frantically asked for your help to repair this costume, build this set piece, paint this backdrop. Every time you fixed something, two more things would need doing. Nothing was ever finished, nothing was ever ready. The show couldn't go on. And if you refused to help, well, they're Torments, and you were made to regret that decision.
[She doesn't seem to have a lot of emotions wrapped up in that statement; she only got caught up with them a few times before she learned the pattern and figured out how to sneak away.]
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You're gonna get there, trust me. And... learning to play is fun, on its own. [She smiles a bit more. Then, Junna starts towards another side of the table. She listens, though, and she makes a bit of a face. That... that sounds...
She sighs.] That's so on the nose that it feels unfair, Lisa.
[But there's a look in her eyes, too. That's her; that's exactly how she feels about everything. Finish one thing, two more pop up -- always having something she has to do, always feeling like she's treading water. Junna looks back at the table, sucks a breath in, and then she leans over. She looks at the 14-ball, which hasn't been touched much so far. She hits the cue ball -- and she gets the angle wrong. The cue ball goes flying..
...hits the rail, bounces up, and then hits the floor with a clatter.
Junna's eyebrow twitches.]
Y-You were saying about if I get a scratch?
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[She sees that initial look as Junna moves around the table, and giggles softly. But before she can throw out a quip, she sees that darker turn, and she checks a bit. It was on the nose, and now that she's looking for it, she's starting to understand the look she's seeing. Junna's thinking about it. Overthinking about it, maybe, but either way, she should probably cut that off. It's fine if the hydra of responsibility presents itself, you just need more and capable hands to slay it, right? She opens her mouth to say something to that effect-
and Junna shoots, the cue ball pops, and Lisa's startled by the solid thunk of the ball as it hits the wooden frame of the table as it rolls. She's not even thinking to catch it; instead instincts from Rhodonite assert themselves, and she jumps back lightly, gently bumping into an open patch of wall as she lands. The ball falls to the ground, not having been at risk of hitting her in the first place, but... that's not how combat reflexes work. Oops. She does see the eyebrow twitch, though, and thinks better of laughing, sympathetic smile on her face as she bends to pick it up.]
I said I would need at least one or two of those to have a fighting chance. That's one. If I keep running my mouth while you're shooting I might come back that way, but that'd feel mean. [She pauses, a more serious, worried frown on her lips for a moment.] You okay? I'm not psychoanalyzing you on purpose, I promise, but it's... kinda part of the deal. So I know it's gonna be a little hard on you.
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[But then she sends the ball flying. Lisa dodges -- not that she needed -- and Junna lets out a laugh after a second. That wasn't very skilled of her. She looks embarrassed, but not really bothered. She pulls the 9-ball out of the pocket, putting it back in the center of the table.]
I'll have to be careful. [There's a pause, though. Junna's quiet for a second, and she looks down. She's trying to be honest with herself, and the truth is that's a little hard for her to do.]
...I'm okay. [She sighs, softly, then looks back up.] It's... I can't quite shake feeling like it's my fault. I know it's not, I know it was a Disturbance feeding on me. But the way it used the things I'd think or feel... [She shakes her head, then she looks back at Lisa.] ...I want to hear, though. If I don't, I'm going to wonder.
And that's... that's worse for me, I think.
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[Then there's a ball there and she reacts without thinking. Junna seems to have noticed, going off the laugh, and Lisa scratches her head, understanding that reaction was heavy but needing a moment herself to figure out why. She'll... come back to that.]
I think the truth is somewhere in the middle. Your Disturbance can't create feelings that aren't somewhere in your heart, right? That's the whole point. In there, there's nothing filtering them or holding them back. It's just... you. Undiluted, 100% you, except with all the happy thoughts locked away somewhere and everything amplified into distortion. At your lowest point, you're going to think and do some things you'd never consider in even a little happier a place. [Lisa's smile turns harsh for just a moment, like she's bitten into a lemon whole (or maybe her lip), seemingly aimed inside.] Remember that. It's gonna be important in a couple minutes.
[Lisa sighs. There's... going to still be a fair bit to work out, and this isn't going to be as simple as a few games of pool and late-night chats. They're going to have to work at it. A Disturbance, she's coming to realize, is not a panic button that marks a turning point. It's an intervention, by force and with everything on the line. They've never failed a rescue yet. She never wants to, and she'll give everything to make sure it never comes to pass. But... there has to be a consequence for failure. That Night Terror isn't there for show and to be a set piece battle like in some RPG. What... would have happened? If they hadn't- no, her mind butts in, forcibly kicking her off the topic before she can spiral and slamming the door to the train of thought behind her. She jerks, realizing where her thoughts were going, shaking her head hard. Gotta cover that up before Junna notices and calls her on it-]
It's worse for me too. I- I haven't let anyone tell me what happened, down there. Nobody else has context. Nobody else understands. I want to know, but I refuse to push you to tell me before you're ready. And that's why I'm telling you this now, even if it hurts you. Even if it hurts me. Yeah, I really need closure, and I have some things to get off my chest, but this is your heart and... I dunno, I guess I'm hoping some of this will help you. If all it does is help me sleep at night because I'm not hiding things from you, great. But if it were just that I wouldn't unload it on you, I have a therapist for that. You don't deserve that.
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The Disturbance is, ultimately, her. As Lisa says: it's undiluted, it's Junna without hope and happiness, it's all of her fears and worries magnified. It's a sobering thought, but Junna nods her head. A similar thought goes through her mind: this isn't something they can talk about once. It'll take a lot of time to work through, both with the help of therapists and a lot more talks to come. And more than that; they need to be a reason for each other to keep working. A reason to be happy.
She does spot the way Lisa looks upset. She doesn't know why -- but she has a few good guesses. She walks over, and takes her hand.] I... I think I understand. It's somewhere in the middle. I'm... [She smiles, a little.] It might hurt and help at the same time. I want the closure, too, though. And I want to hear what happened, and... I don't want to say I'm ready for it in the sense that I'm completely prepared. But--
[She squeezes Lisa's hand.] I'm ready because I want to know. And it... it does help to hear it, instead of imagine it, make it worse in my head, and then react to that instead. And I--I mean... [Her expression turns more fragile, for a second, and she looks at Lisa.] ...My imagination can say a lot of terrible things that aren't true, Lisa. It's helping. I promise.
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But Junna jumps in, coming around to hold her hand, and Lisa takes a deep breath. Brains suck. Especially when hers keeps taking sick days and threatening to go on strike. So her girlfriend calmly, patiently explains why she's willing to put up with what should by all rights be a depressing evening, and Lisa... listens. Slowly starts to wind back down, tension releasing from her chest. Sees that last, fleeting look of delicacy, and that galvanizes her for a bit. She wraps her free arm lightly around Junna, trying to convey warmth and trust and hope she mostly feels.]
Imaginations are for daydreaming about what you're going to do with your girlfriend in your free time, not for doomspiraling. Even if I've been doing a lot of that. So I get you. And... thank you, for telling me what's on your mind. Sorry, for not trusting you to make your own decision. I-I'll be better. [She takes a breath, nodding.] What you're thinking is probably worse, anyway, so... I'll get through it. We're coming up to the worst of it, though. Or, well, the worst I know about, anyway.
And just to get it out of the way... this is the part where I was staying too long and getting too worn-out to be much good over there. Too spacey, too slow, too irritable, even more stubborn than I already am. But I just couldn't- couldn't stand to be at home. So if it sounds a little jumbled, that's. That's probably why. [But she won't apologize for that. She'll never apologize for that single-minded dedication, even if it hurts her., That thought, somehow, stabilizes her a little more.]
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She's patient as she listens to Lisa explain. She was worn out by then. Emotionally, mentally, and physically. It had been days -- and days without Junna there to support her. (Don't blame yourself for that! she tells herself.) It's no great surprise that this was when Lisa was stretched too thin.]
I... I think I understand. You had to get to me. And get me out of there. Get me back. Whatever it took, right?
[She looks into Lisa's eyes.] What came next?
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Mm. Just... it was the only thing I could think about, almost. It consumed me. [She almost keeps going, but Junna's waiting patiently, and looking into her eyes suggests that she does understand. So Lisa moves on, nodding faintly.] One of the work rooms just had a single high-school girl in it. And a table, with a couple scripts, and a pile of knives that... sure looked sharp enough to be real, and not just props. Sure felt real.
[Her tone changes; it's harsher, more hurried, like everything is riding on her words.]
Casca, be sudden, for we fear prevention.—
Brutus, what shall be done? If this be known,
Cassius or Caesar never shall turn back,
For I will slay myself.
[Her meter is... better than it should be, though far from professional. So is the performance itself, considering she's not holding a script... or working with other actors... or holding props... The words are right, and the emotion is clear. The moment fades, though, and Lisa comes back to herself, a little sullen but otherwise seeming not to get lost in herself too much.]
She insisted on playing Caesar, and starting from the top of the third act. You didn't need a full cast, and it's not like she didn't have most of the lines, but I had to play all the other roles once, it sucked. At least she was pretty forgiving of screwups. If you tried to go around her, she'd just try to stab you anyway, so... meh. Once she was out of the way one way or the other, the next area was behind a poster for Yonezawa's Last Paycheck.
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And so she listens. She looks at Lisa, as she explains, and doesn't hide the way her expression changes; the slight widening of her eyes, the intake at the knives that looked so real. The sharpness to them. And the way she winces, just slightly, at the words.
But she follows Lisa's performance up with one of her own. Even years later, her Brutus is excellen; she slides into character in an instant. His worry at a plot about to be enacted, his shaking resolve at upholding the Republic, his profound but subtle sorrow at the need to kill the man who he would have called Father; it's all there. It comes to mind without trying, and her meter is perfect.]
Casca, be sudden, for we fear prevention.
Popilius Lena speaks not of our purposes;
For, look, he smiles, and Caesar doth not change.
[Then, she's back to herself -- and her own expression is sad. She smiles a little, but it's distant.] ...I played Cinna, when we did the play in middle school. I'd wanted to be Caesar, though. I kept practicing, over and over. And I--I think it was always a metaphor. And... and how things ended for him. Driven by ambition until he destroyed himself.
It's... I guess the Disturbance was trying to show you the way I'd push myself for perfection. And make you experience how it could feel. It's... not playing fair, is it?
[She hugs Lisa with the arm around her. Trying to be reassuring. Though she hesitates, at the mention of the movie poster.] The first movie that we saw together. It was--it was almost like our zero-eth date. That's...
[She pulls a little closer to Lisa. There's fear in her expression, now. Did that hurt Lisa? She isn't sure. It makes Junna angry, too; that's a precious memory. It's not one that she wants tainted by association. It feels wrong that the Disturbance used it -- to paper over, in a literal sense, the way down to her heart.]
I-I'm sorry. I can only imagine what it might have made you think.
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The following lines, then, aren't a surprise. Not truly. If anyone knows this play, it's Junna. But the delivery is so much more profound that it shakes her. Junna doesn't just know this play, she breathes it. Brutus isn't a character, Junna is channeling the man and trying to keep the assassination plot on the rails, with the limited information he has. Lisa has a feeling not unlike being underdressed at a party: she thought understood the assignment but the assigment had layers and she didn't go past the first. Her answering, admiring smile is a little... lopsided.]
It's a hell of a metaphor, then. Driven by ambition, until your friends, your trusted colleagues, your love herself had to come and bring you down, lest you bring doom to the people. I bet you killed it - um, no pun intended - doing this in middle school, though. Even then I imagine you didn't do things halfway. [Lisa sighs.] But yeah. You've pushed yourself hard as long as I've known you, and I admire that... in moderation. This is just reminding me I need to make sure you take breaks. Relax sometimes. Let me spoil you, just a little.
[Her smile is something approaching normal as she grins. It's perhaps a little salacious, but if she has to threaten Junna with a good time, she'll do it. The reminder of their pre-first date, then, catches her attention as what should be something along those lines. But Junna follows the thread all the way to its conclusion, and Lisa's brow creases when she sees Junna seem to retreat a little. So she keeps her tone as light and affectionate as she can manage, holding Junna tight.]
I'm glad it meant as much to you as it did to me. Does to me. But... that wasn't the way I read it, you know? I figured... Caesar-chan was a dungeon puzzle that, ah... selected either for drama kids, or for close-range fighters for when she got tired of dealing with subpar performances, both of which would have been distracted from looking at the walls. That means the person that did know what that movie meant to you - me - shouldn't have been there to find it, so there we'd stay, looking for the way forward. I was a little hurt, because I wasn't expecting to see that in there, but... [Her tone turns a little teasing.] Like I said, Happy Junna wasn't in there to help with decorations. You'd probably have framed it or something, and put little spotlights on it. Maybe a plaque.
[She lets her voice shift back to something firm and kind.] The fact that something important to us showed up in a place like that, tells me that you wanted to make sure that only someone that wanted what was best for you - who was determined to make sure you were taken care of - would be able to go further to pull you out. That's what I think.
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[She looks sideways at Lisa, and she sees that smile. It's playful -- maybe even a little salacious -- and that gets Junna to smile back. She wraps her arms a little tighter around Lisa, then she leans against her more. Threaten her with a good time, and it will work.]
...I won't say no to being spoiled. Or to being told to relax. And I... do like it when you help me relax. [Her cheeks turn a little red and she finds herself leaning in a little bit... but reminds herself they're having a talk, and maybe that she could come later.
She hesitates a moment, but then she nods with understanding. A puzzle dungeon -- exactly the sort of thing Junna would do. It's like the RPG's that she still likes to play; it's not the same as her love for theater, but she got into them as a kid, and they stayed with her as she got older.] That sounds likely. Something... tied to what upsets me, and something that would make it hard to find the way to help me. Something... ah...
[Then, Junna blinks.
She never considered that maybe the part of her that wanted to be saved -- the parted of her calling out for help, even if she didn't know how -- could have somehow shaped the Disturbance. Not to save herself, but to make sure that the right person could find her way to her. The person in front of her, the person who risked everything to bring Junna back. She blinks, speechless for a moment.
They did it together. They made sure she got out. It wasn't just that Junna was helpless; she did something to be sure that the right people knew how to find her, and one specific person. Junna stares at Lisa, her lips parting, but she can't find what to say. It's easy to see that she's moved. She looks like she might tear up, but she doesn't.
Instead, she leans forward and kisses Lisa, without hesitation.]
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[And, indeed, she doesn't fight as Junna pulls her in closer. She's doing her best to control herself and not get too distracted, even if the serious conversation and Junna's moods are making that difficult. This mood is even harder; she wants so much to stop for a second and comfort her properly. But... no. A little more left, then she doesn't have to focus on her words anymore. Just her feelings. So she'll soldier on a little longer. Case in point, as Junna takes a moment to digest while Lisa presents her theory. That's all it is, and yet... it's plausible. Junna apparently thinks so too, as she starts to work through it, but Lisa presenting her conclusion is the deciding factor. It's not airtight - one Disturbance is hardly conclusive, and Lisa isn't the person to assess really any of the other ones - but it's enough. It'll ease both their minds, at least.
Or, well. It eases Lisa's mind. It seems to have sent Junna's into overdrive, though, before she leans in to kiss her. So. Apparently that theory works. Lisa's briefly surprised, having expected a little more of a fight, but after a second she kisses back, a little more passion in it than usual. She's... relieved, and that comes across in her desire not to let go. But more than that, one week of healing hasn't quite been enough to overcome three weeks of hell, and Lisa is taking comfort where she can get it.]
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And she only pulls back reluctantly. Her cheeks are flushed when she does, and she laughs a little. She really is an actress, isn't she? She looks at Lisa, then she sighs, and leans her forehead against hers.] ...mm. I could... I could get pretty distracted right now. [She stays quiet for a second, her eyes finding Lisa's.
Her tone shifts a little. She knows that they're not done and she shouldn't lose her focus entirely. She doesn't separate herself physically, but she does nod to her. Her eyes linger on Lisa's, her arms still around her shoulders.] ...thank you. I... I thought I'd been a burden. [She pulls a hand back and lifts a finger, as if to say, "Let me finish."]
I thought there was no way I couldn't be a burden, because you -- because everyone -- had to come after me. But... I wanted you to find me, even while I didn't want to be found, at the same time. And knowing a part of my heart helped you, that... that takes away some of that feeling that I was a burden. So... thank you, Lisa.
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[But she stays quiet for a moment after; Junna seems to still have something on her mind, and she waits more or less patiently. Predictably, she immediately starts to say something to disagree about being a burden, but that finger may as well have been to her own lips instead. She stops, and makes herself listen again. And her grin softens. This girl is too precious, aaaaa-]
I told Hibiki in the depths, you're too clever. If you didn't want us to find our way, we'd have been lost in there forever and we'd... never have made it. But you wanted us to save you. You wanted us to get there and bring you home. That made the difference. [Lisa hesitates, opens her mouth to add something else, but shakes her head gently and moves on.] You worked hard too, you know? You held out until we got there. You kept a tiny ember of hope alive in your heart, even despite everything crushing in on you. That's amazing to me.
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And it's her turn to listen, now. She is quiet -- blinking at the idea that she's too clever -- and then she nods her head. She did try to hold onto some small sliver of hope. Even if she'd fallen so far, felt so blinded, that she tried to fight everyone. She didn't completely succumb. She let them reach her, when she found her. Junna leans forward, her forehead resting against Lisa's. She puts her hand on her cheek.]
...th-thanks. I... I still feel guilty for it, but... but I'm glad. You're amazing, too. You kept pushing, to find me, and help me, and... [She trails off. Is it too early to say that?] ...I-I know I should let you finish. But, I can see... I can see how much I mean to you. That's important, too.
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I appreciate that. I... everyone knows I went a little crazy, but I'm not sure anyone truly understands how far gone I was, toward the end. If it hadn't been for... a thing I'm getting to in a second... I don't think I would have left, that last week. But it's... because I needed you. [.....her face doesn't cool any. She could be using even more charged words but this gets it across without making her sound insane, given the rest of what she's got.] So I get why you still feel guilty, and I'm not going to deny that. I did some things I'm not proud of, but I'm willing to own those things. I'll take my lumps if it means I can keep moving forward.
[Lisa hesitates again; she should probably go on, but one, the mood isn't quite right, and two... she's not sure she wants to be able to feel Junna's reaction for the next part. It'd kill her if Junna didn't accept her after hearing the rest of what happened in the depths. She knows better, but...]
Feeling okay? Lemme know if you want a little more recharge time. But... I should probably finish or we're going to be here until they throw us out, yeah?
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...Mm. Me, too. I don't think... I can just turn off feeling guilty about it. But I'll try to keep moving forward, too. I-I want to hear, though. What else happened, in that last week.
[Junna's quiet for a moment more. Then, she nods her head. That entails pulling back a little -- though she keeps her arms around Lisa. The pool can wait; it might wait til next time, even. She thinks she'd rather hold her, at least a little, while she hears this.]
I'm okay to keep going. Promise.
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O-okay. I'll... let me go on. We're down to about the last week, by now. There's something past the poster, of course, but... a few days after we first found how to get past Caesar-chan, I tried to get through, but Nikki- ah, Sonic was blocking the door to her room. I tried to get past him, asked him to move, but he- he told me to go home. [Lisa's grin turns... brittle. She remembers how this goes. And she hates that this is what solidified something so important to her in her mind.] I told him my home was trapped in the Disturbance, and to let me through. And then... he attacked me? Not for real, but a... warning charge? I- I never saw him coming. But... I. I yelled at him to move or I'd go through him. And he attacked me again, so... I said if he wanted me to go home, to make me. And I... [Her voice is a whisper.] And I sang.
[It comes out with the gravity of "I shot him", tone miserable, eyes haunted. Which. She also did, if not effectively. Most of that fight from her perspective was a whirl even without the haze of depression clouding everything, and it's hard to characterize as she tries to describe the feeling of being totally outclassed but unwilling to give in.]
I... he's so fast... he kicked a chair at me? I hid behind a fake plant, and he scared me and kicked me and I blasted him but I only found out later I even hit him at all? And I-I...
[Nope. She's gonna have to calm down a little more before she can go on. Lisa's shaking a little, but not as bad as she's been before.]
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Even if she starts to get it. He was making her take a break, when she couldn't make herself take one.
Junna stares at her for a second. Lisa sang. She fought back, fought for Junna, even if it was desperate and misguided. She can see the toll it took on Lisa; the way she's starting to shake, her voice stammering, and Junna swallows. Then, she pulls Lisa into a hug, tightly.]
Oh, Lisa... I'm sorry. [Her voice is quiet, but she clarifies, then, because she knows how it sounds:] You were pushed to the breaking point. It doesn't mean you failed because you had a bad day. Because you thought you'd... [Her voice trembles.] ...you'd lose someone so important to you.
You're still here. You're still taking a step forward.
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But.]
He- he said I was better than what I was showing him. Which. I-it isn't wrong, but I don't- I don't know how to fight people, Junna, I don't want to fight people! But I-I snapped, and I exploded on him. I was- I was so frustrated and so angry and so lonely and so tired and I couldn't- I couldn't hold it back anymore!
[Too much of the emotion from the moment is still caught up in her memories of it from two short weeks ago - it feels like months, how was it only two weeks - and she can feel her pulse quickening, her eyes tearing up. Her arms are still at her sides; she doesn't feel like she can hug Junna back, too many of the things she said are haunting her all over again. But she said she'd do it, and she's too far gone now. She has to tell her, has to make sure she understands, has to has to hasto-]
"Nobody believes I'm any better than this. Nobody ever has," I screamed at him, while I shot at him like it was the only thing I knew how to do, putting holes in the walls, like I really wanted to hurt him! "That's why I'm here in the first place!" [Her hands ball into fists and the tears flow freely.] "Silly Lisa, never smart enough, n-never kind enough, never pr-pretty enough," I told him! "N-n-not obedient enough! Not strong enough-!!" [Her voice cracks on the last condemnation and she sobs; she wobbles for a second, knees almost giving out, but Junna's already holding her and she manages to get her feet back under her before she pulls the both of them down.] I went way past m-my breaking point, Junna, and it sucked! It's w-why I was such a godsdamned mess when you c-came over last week!
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They're not things she would ever think of her. Her wonderful, amazing girlfriend, who looks after others, who tries as hard as anyone she has ever met, who never lets her walk out the front door without adjusting her coat if it's askew, who has cookies for everyone when they need it. Junna's expression is one that's hurt. And she waits for a second, for Lisa to finish talking.
And a little longer after that. Then, her hands come up, her fingers cupping Lisa's face. She wipes, gently, under her eyes with her numbs.]
You're not your worst moments, Lisa. You're not. [Her voice is quiet and it trembles when she speaks. She's having to struggle to not cry, herself. It's hard to not, when she sees Lisa crying. But she manages.] You don't stop being all the wonderful things you are because everything came on at once, it piled up, and it pushed you past that point. I-I don't look at you and...
[She leans her head back in, forehead against Lisa's. Her voice is quiet and steady.]
...I see the kindest person I know, who reaches out when someone needs it. One of the smartest people I've ever met, because you know what moves a person's heart. The most beautiful woman I've seen. And... [She leans in, kissing Lisa softly on the lips, even if they're trembling. It's a brief kiss.] ...The best person I've known. You're the best because even if you're at your lowest, even if you're pushed past your breaking point, you're asking how you can be better. Not making excuses for how you got there. You're so much more more than enough. And--and even if you were a mess--
[Junna swallows, still with her forehead against hers.] I was pushed past my breaking point. I hurt people. I attacked Nene-chan, and Olruggio and Zeke-san, and Jeannette-chan, and--and you still... [She trembles.] You still love me. You still said I'm wonderful. You let me stay. [Her cheeks heat up, again.] And... you made sure you knew how you felt, when you did.
It's easier to start to love myself, when I know someone as wonderful as you loves me. So... [She smiles, and she half-laughs and half-cries, finding her eyes are starting to tear up.] ...I love you. I won't ever turn my back on you, I just--I want you to feel the same way about yourself as I feel about you, some day.
One step at a time, together.
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Until Junna gently brushes away her tears, after Lisa's finally spit out everything she's been holding back for two weeks. Confusion is written on her face for a moment; why is she not being yelled at? Why is Junna... defending her, once she starts talking, finally? Holding her upright and kindly looking into her eyes? It. It doesn't make any sense.
Except, as she keeps her mouth shut and forces herself to listen instead of denying, she realizes that maybe she was wrong. Sure, she screwed up. She screwed up a lot in the Disturbance, and she doesn't have a perfect track record after it, either. But... maybe that's okay. Junna sees her strengths, and accepts her faults. One by one, the weaknesses she'd lived with and accepted for six years are lifted from her shoulders. Not removed - that's not reasonable after such a short conversation, and far more than Lisa could ask for. More than she deserves, maybe, even after that grand declaration. But she feels lighter. Less... chained down. There's someone to share the weight of her past. And even both their burdens together are lighter than hers were alone, when someone's helping her carry that weight.
So her head feels a little clearer as Junna starts in on the things she did. Which... yeah. A Disturbance was always going to end that way. But at the same time, it's a real concern. Junna did lash out at their friends with malice and intent. She wasn't entirely home in her body when she did it, but she did it, and that's something they'll both have to accept and live with. Most of their friends and colleagues understand the distinction, but... it's still something you can't just write off. Lisa was sure as hell scared of Hibiki two weeks ago, despite knowing Hibiki wouldn't hurt her on purpose, a distinction Lisa can't make about herself anymore. A distinction she hopes doesn't scare people away from her, but she can't really blame them if it does.
But... it all comes back to Junna. Lisa's voice is a quiet croak as she speaks for the first time in a few minutes, halting and tentative but not without hope.] I still want to feel that way. You'll... you'll show me, though. So I- I don't know if I agree... with all of that. But what I think maybe- isn't as important. If nobody else believes it, then maybe I shouldn't either, yeah? [The tiniest ghost of a smile appears on Lisa's face. Slowly, delicately, her arms finally rise from her sides to wrap around her most precious person, eyes closing as she leans just a little into Junna where their foreheads meet. She feels exhausted, suddenly.] Of course I let you stay. Of course you're wonderful. I love you too, Junna. So much. I... I'm so lucky to have you. And I hope I can make you feel that, too.
[She takes a long, shuddering breath, tears slowed but not stopped. Still... she'll be okay, somehow.]
Together, you and I. No matter what.
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The worry isn't gone entirely. Not when Lisa says she doesn't know if she agrees with all of that -- or that maybe what she thinks isn't so important. But she sees that smile, fragile smile. And she feels those arms wrap around her, and Lisa leans into her a little bit.
Then, Junna leans back against her. And there's a little more to that lean. She needs someone to lean on right now, too.]
You do, Lisa. You... you make me feel it whenever I'm with you. [She takes a hesitant, shuddering breath.] I know it... it takes time. It'll take time for me, too. But we'll get there together. Until we both can we believe it. [Her thumb brushes another few tears away, and she leans more against Lisa. Junna smiles at her, even more, as she looks into her eyes.]
No matter what. [Her voice gets quieter. There's a little fragility in her voice, now, and in her expression. But she still smiles at Lisa.] I'm... I'm lucky I have you, too. I don't know what I'd do, where I'd be, if I didn't.
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Even if it takes a while... we have time. We have all the time we need. We'll get there, in the end, and we'll find our happiness, together.
[That smile... that perfect smile is so precious to her. That's what she fought so hard to protect, and her face colors a little when she finally sees it after Junna brushes her eyes clear again. Her own smile returns properly, warm and affectionate if still a little uneasy.]
I don't know either. Probably nowhere good, just like when I think about where I'd be without you. And I don't want you to ever have to find out, okay? [Lisa reluctantly lets one arm drop from around Junna's waist to bring it up to cover one of the hands on her own face, thumb rubbing over the back of it.] I know I'm, um, not really in a position to say this when you're standing here wiping tears off my face, but. I'm not going to let that happen. Not as long as I have anything to say about it.
[A pause, mouth open, before it closes and she makes a face perhaps best described as "sheepish with a tinge of regret."]
...although I probably shouldn't. Go on a rampage like that again.
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